Rebels On the Run
by Montana-Rosalie
Summary: Killian lost everything at once. Emma had never had anthing until she found him.
1. A Chance Encounter

**I'm back! :) I know it's been quite some time, but I hope you're going to enjoy this new story of mine anyway; in it, Killian ends up in our world instead of Neverland after he loses Milah and Emma is the one who finds him. She had never met Neal so there's no Henry/jail thing, but she is a thief and she is heartbroken from always being abandoned. It's going to be a wild ride, so buckle your seatbelts, and here we go! P.S. Second chapter will be up on Friday.  
**

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Emma Swan is a thief, but not the kind you see in movies, the kind that dresses in black catsuits and sneaks into rich people's houses and robs them blind so she can sell their priceless art on the black market.

Emma Swan is a petty thief, robbing convenience stores and shoplifting at the mall; in all honesty, she's not any better than an average klepto, the only difference being that she's not doing it for the rush.

She's doing it to survive.

The life she'd been leading since they kicked her out of her orphanage is full of uncertainty and constant fear that she's going to get caught and end up in prison, but she much prefers it to serving drinks to middle-aged men in some dingy bar; she had tried that too, but her employer didn't much like the way she punched every customer who touched her ass.

At ripe old age of twenty-two, Emma Swan is already tired, constantly tethering on the edge of despair; she doesn't have any friends, she had never been in love, and her only connection to another human being is to the elderly owner of the motel she'd been living in for the past two years because they have a nice arrangement going. She kicks out people who stay past what they paid for and Joe lets her have a room for free, and even though they aren't friends, and he doesn't treat her like a long lost daughter or anything as cliché as that, he respects her, and he's the only man that ever did.

Currently, Emma is running down a narrow alley trying to get to her hiding place at the river's edge before the cop that's been chasing her for the past ten blocks catches up to her; it's not the first time she's doing this, but unlike the other officers of the law, this one doesn't seem to be the kind to give up.

Emma is in pretty good shape, but she's still winded when she finally reaches the river, and she wishes she could go left, jump in her car and drive away, but if this cop sees her tags she'd be toast, so she turns right and flies down the rickety steps that lead under the pier; once upon a time this place would have been crowded with people wanting to get a ride on a sightseeing cruise, but now the pier is abandoned, and since it's so wet under it, not even homeless people want to crush here.

Which makes it perfect for Emma's purpose.

It's dark here, and it smells, but she just wrinkles her nose and carefully steps through the mud because the last thing she needs is to fall in it. She's straining her ears for any sound of the cop, and her eyes almost miss a figure lying face first in the mud on the bank of the river.

A chill runs down her spine because getting caught after stealing a bunch of food is one thing, and getting caught with a dead body in close proximity to you is another one altogether.

Emma comes closer and crouches next to what seems to be a man wearing a long leather coat and gingerly turns him on his back, cringing when he cries out in pain and pressing her hand against his mouth gently but firmly, thankful that she's wearing gloves when she wipes the mud off his cheeks with her free hand.

His skin is hot and clammy even through the worn leather of her glove, and his eyes are closed, so she doubts he's even aware of her presence.

"Shhh, just stay quiet", she says against his ear, bracing her free arm against his chest to keep him where he is; even though he must be in a pretty bad shape, and his protests are feeble at best, she's still impressed that he's trying to make her let him go.

The pier creaks and Emma freezes, closing her eyes and praying that the man she's holding stops thrashing about.

"Please stop fighting me", Emma whispers and pulls back enough to look at him, and the second his eyes open and lock on hers she knows she's in trouble because even though they are hazy with fever and pain, there's also something in their blue depths that touches something inside her.

It can't be explained, but she feels connected to him in a way she had never experienced before.

The steps pause right above their heads and both Emma and the man lying next to her stay perfectly still; his jaw shifts when he grits his teeth but he doesn't make a sound.

Seconds tick past and Emma is certain that the hammering of her heart is loud enough to make the cop come under the pier, but eventually he walks away and a minute later she hears a car that apparently picks him up.

Now that it seems she's not in danger of being arrested anymore, Emma feels a little embarrassed at how desperate she'd been so she quickly releases her waterlogged accomplice.

"Sorry", she tells him and looks him up and down for the first time, her eyes taking in his leather pants, the red vest, and a hook glinting at the edge of his left arm.

"Is this Hell?" He says, and when she looks up at his face she finds him looking at her the way you'd look at the light at the end of the tunnel.

"Hell? No, it's Portland", Emma tells him and looks him over again, trying to find the injury that's making him feverish; his clothes are all black and the light here is too dim, so she doesn't find anything. "Are you some kind of an actor or something?"

He doesn't seem to be listening to her, his breathing shallow and his face turning into a mask of pain that for some unfathomable reason makes her want to help him.

"Don't you dare pass out!" She yells at him, for the moment forgetting all about the cop and why she's here in the first place, shaking him roughly until he opens his eyes and cries out in pain.

"Go away and let me die in peace", he says through gritted teeth and she snatches her hands away, climbing to her feet and feeling like an idiot for even contemplating helping him.

After all, what could she do?

She makes exactly five steps before she goes back to him, crouches behind him and roughly pulls him back until he's leaning against the wall where it's darker, but not that wet; he curses her all the way there and doesn't stop even when she releases him, cradling his left arm to his chest with his right and looking so pale she can make out his face even in this barely-there light.

"I can't help you if you don't tell me what happened to you", Emma says as calmly as she can, all the while wondering why the hell is she still here; it's not like she owes him anything for staying quiet for two minutes, right?

"I don't want your help", he practically growls at her and Emma narrows her eyes and presses her lips into a thin line, finally reaching the end of her patience.

"Well good, because you're not getting it", she tells him and turns on her heel, her stalking exit hampered by the fact that her feet keep slipping in the mud.

The pale sun is still too bright in her eyes once she reaches the steps leading up toward the road, and she squints as she takes them two at a time, telling herself that the wannabe-pirate isn't her responsibility, or her problem.

"He had to go and pick my pier to try and die under", she mutters under her breath and goes to get her car, perfectly aware of the fact that she's all talk.

She's coming back for him.

* * *

"You are out of your mind", Emma tells herself as she descends the steps again, hoping that the pirate would somehow not be there.

No such luck.

He's still sitting against the wall, and he doesn't even move when she shakes his right shoulder none too gently.

She pokes his left, and he cries out in pain, his eyes snapping open; even in the thin light of her flashlight, they are breathtakingly blue, like sky on a clear summer day, like crystal water of Caribbeans, like Texas bluebonnets she had always wanted to see in person, like-

"Can you stand up?"

"I thought you left", he says and glares at her as well as he can in his state, and Emma wishes she could not care and just leave him here, never looking back and wondering what became of him.

But she can't.

"I just went to get the car", she says, and even though it's not strictly true, he doesn't have to know that.

He continues glaring.

"Can you stand up?" She asks him again, already trying to figure out what she's going to do if he says he can't; she could, of course, call the ambulance, but since she doubts he'd be able to tell them his health insurance number if he even has one, that wouldn't help him much.

"Listen, lass", he says, and Emma gapes because his voice goes low and seductive, his eyes burning with something other than fever. "You don't owe me anything for staying quiet earlier; just go on your merry way and leave me here… I'm going to be alright."

"Half an hour ago you were asking me to leave you die in peace", she tells him and his face closes, the light fading from his eyes as quickly as it had appeared.

"It's what I deserve."

"Sorry, buddy. You're not dying under my pier", Emma says and wraps her arms around him, tugging until he decides it would be easier and hurt less if he just goes with the flow.

It takes them a while to get up the stairs because he keeps tripping and Emma feels her back protest because he's leaning on her heavily, but at least he's moving; it's a small victory, but she'll take what she can get.

It's a relief to shove him into the backseat of her Golf and close the door on him before he can change his mind, but she doesn't let herself think too much about the reason she's so hell-bent on helping him.

"Are you gonna tell me what's with the costume?" She asks him after she starts the car and glances in the rearview mirror to see him looking like he's going to pass out any second now. "Hey, eyes front, pirate!"

"I'm not wearing a costume", he says slowly, like she's the one a little out of it, and Emma raises her eyebrows at him. "These are my clothes, and I am a pirate."

"Are you gonna tell me that the hook is real too?" She chuckles and he gives her a dry smile before sliding lower in his seat and gritting his teeth.

"They didn't start calling me Hook for nothing", he says, and Emma almost runs the light because her lie detector tells her that he's telling her the truth.

Or what he thinks is the truth.

"As in Captain Hook?"

"Yes", he says weakly, and Emma decides to play along.

"Where's the Jolly, Captain?" She asks, and his chin trembles as if he's about to cry, making her want to reach between the seats and lay her hand on his knee in a comforting gesture she is absolutely not going to offer him.

"I don't know."

"What do you know?"

"We were sailing to Neverland, but we ended up in this world, and my crew rebelled", he says, and he sounds utterly disgusted with himself.

"Did they make you walk the plank?" Emma can't help herself to ask, and he looks at her sharply, his eyes meeting hers in the rearview mirror and making her regret what she had said because it's not his fault he's talking nonsense. "I'm sorry."

"They threw me overboard rather unceremoniously", he says, his voice getting weaker; Emma slams on the brakes and jerks him awake.

"You have to stay awake, Captain."

"My name is Killian", he says, and Emma thinks: _your name is trouble_.

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	2. That's What Pirates Do

**Thank you everybody; a hundred follows in two days WOW you guys are amazing! I'm glad you like it, so without furter ado, have the next chapter.**

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Killian passes out just as she's turning into the motel parking lot; he just slides sideways, groans, and then he's completely silent.

"Oh come on, you couldn't have waited a minute longer?!" Emma asks, but, of course, he doesn't answer.

She ends up dragging him into her room and leaving him on the floor while she goes to the bathroom and runs a towel under the cold water, pressing it on his hot forehead when she returns to his side.

Killian is pale under the mud, but damn it she had never seen anyone more beautiful.

"Let's get you out of these wet clothes", Emma says, then pauses, hoping he's going to object and do it himself, but no such luck.

Obviously, the hook has to go first, and Emma pulls the sleeves of his coat and shirt up, looking for a way to remove the hook which makes him moan in pain.

"I'm sorry", she apologizes and gently opens the leather straps, and then she just stares because where she had expected to see a fist, she encounters a dirty bandage wrapped around a stump.

Killian doesn't have a left hand at all.

Emma gets over her surprise quickly, realizing that his fever is probably due to infection, and she knows she had wasted enough time already, so she takes off his coat, vest and shirt as quickly and as gently as she can.

His eyes snap open the second she reaches to unwrap the bandage and he grips her hand with bruising force, making her deeply regret her decision to bring him here because now she's stuck with him.

"Do not touch it", he says through gritted teeth and Emma digs the fingers of her free hand into his wrist until he lets her hand go.

"Like hell I won't", she tells him sweetly and his jaw tightens, beads of sweat shining on his forehead; his cold towel had slipped and Emma puts it back in place, his eyes following her every move. "I'm going to help you, and you can thank me by not being a pain in the ass."

"Why are you doing this?" He asks her, and he looks so miserable that she just can't brush it off like it's nothing.

"I just couldn't leave you there", she tells him, looking him straight in the eye and hoping he's going to let her clean his wound because the sooner she does that, the sooner she can bring his fever down and send him on his way.

Whatever that way might be.

"Get yourself into bed and I'll give you booze; pirates love that", Emma says and he actually complies. Sure, she has to help him because he's none too steady on his feet, but at least she doesn't have to worry about him lying on the floor.

Why she's even worrying about him in the first place is still unfathomable to her.

Emma gives him a bottle of whiskey and goes into the bathroom to gather supplies; luckily, her first aid kit is well stocked, but she's still going to have to go steal some antibiotics as soon as possible.

By the time she returns to him, he'd already drank half the bottle and she snatches it from his hand, setting it on the table and out of his reach.

"How long since you lost your hand?" She asks him when she sits on the bed next to him, all business-like even though she's seriously doubting her ability to do this; yes, she'd been sort of a medic for the kids at the orphanage, always tending to their cuts and scraped knees, but this is so very beyond that.

This is somebody's life, and it's up to her to take care of it because nobody else will.

"Seems like a lifetime… or just a day", he says, and there's so much pain in his blue eyes when he looks at her that she gets the feeling it's not just the loss of his hand that's hurting him.

"A week or less?" She asks him and reaches for the scissors because the bandage is ruined anyway, all wet and muddy.

"I think less", he says and Emma nods, gives him a reassuring smile and hands him the pillow from her bed.

"In case you need to scream; walls in this place are paper thin", she tells him, and he takes the pillow and closes his fist around its corner.

"I won't scream", he says, and Emma shakes herself because she's postponing the inevitable and they both know it.

Emma cuts the bandage, pours water over the places where it sticks and then tugs it off quickly; Killian winces, but he doesn't make a sound.

"Jesus Christ!" She exclaims and looks up at him with wide eyes. "Who did this to you?"

"Rumplestiltskin took my hand, and then the cook cleaned up the mess", he says through gritted teeth, his eyes closed against the pain, or the sight of his mangled limb.

It's bad. It would've been bad just for the fact that his hand is gone, but what's making it worse is that somebody obviously used fire to cauterize the wound.

"Barbaric", she mutters and carefully cleans the wound with a sterile gauze and water, cringing and fighting the bile rising in her throat.

"It was that or bleeding to death", Killian says and Emma glares at him.

"How about calling an ambulance?"

"I assume that's what you'd do in this world, but in the Enchanted Forest, well…", he trails off and Emma presses her lips into a thin line because her lie detector is still silent and it means he's even more messed up than she had originally thought.

"This is gonna hurt like a son of a bitch", she says and pours hydrogen over the raw, burned skin, fairly certain that she's going to have nightmares for days.

Killian groans, but that's it, and she tries to be as gentle as possible when she wraps a fresh bandage around his stump; her hands are shaking and she ties it haphazardly before taking her pillow from his lap and placing it under his arm.

And then she runs to the bathroom and throws up.

"I would apologize for making you sick, but you were the one who insisted on bringing me here and tending to my wound", he says when she gets over the embarrassment and comes out of the bathroom; she used to think she's not squeamish, but she guesses her limit is the backwoods surgery like the one Killian must have had performed on his stump.

She tries not to think how much that had hurt.

"I'm sorry", she tells him and gives him back the whiskey.

"For throwing up or for trying to save me?" He asks and takes a long swing from the bottle; for the first time since she took off his shirt Emma actually looks at his chest and she can practically feel her pupils dilating; he's lean and tan and every muscle is well defined under all that chest hair, clearly shaped by years of hard work.

She needs to move, now.

"I will save you", Emma tells him and covers him with her blanket because he's shivering now, reminding her that she needs to go get the antibiotics, painkillers and something for him to wear once he gets better and she sends him on his way.

"Some people don't deserve to be saved, lass", he says softly, his eyes drifting closed, his grip on the bottle getting slack.

"I'm Emma, not lass", she tells him and takes the bottle from his shaky fingers; she doesn't comment on his observation because she couldn't agree more.

"Emma", he repeats, and her name sounds like a melody falling from his lips.

"Stay in bed. I'll be back as soon as I can", she tells him but he's already asleep, a frown etched into his forehead that makes her get the strangest urge to lean down and smooth it out with her lips.

Emma turns on her heel, grabs her purse from the chair by the door and closes the door gently, leaving it unlocked because if he wants to go while she's gone, he can.

She tells herself that she'd be happy to come back and find her room empty.

* * *

Stealing from the pharmacy is tricky, but not impossible; it takes Emma hours to find one without a security camera.

It's already getting dark by the time she steals jeans, two shirts, sneakers, socks, a hoodie and underwear from Walmart; she pays for three cans of chicken soup, calmly gets into her car and drives away.

The security guard even smiles at her faux baby bump.

Emma doesn't even realize she's going too fast until she has to stop at a light and then she takes a deep breath and tries to rationalize what she's doing; yes, she'd been alone for a long time, yes she feels connected to Killian, and yes he's incredibly handsome, but that still doesn't explain why she's so determined to help him.

"You could've just gotten a cat", she mutters to herself and ignores the fact that deep down inside she's still dreaming about a fairy-tale ending in which she finds her parents and somebody to love her just the way she is, with all her shortcomings and scars.

The motel parking lot is completely full, so she parks on the grass in front of her door, smiling to herself because Joe will grumble but he won't say anything about it.

Emma gathers her bags and stands in front of her door for a full minute before she finally goes inside and turns on the light.

Killian is gone.

She should be relieved, but all she feels is disappointment and shame for getting invested.

And then she hears a groan coming from the darkened bathroom and she slips inside, flips the switch and finds Killian sitting on the floor, his cheek resting against the tiles, his face a mask of pain.

"What are you doing here?" Emma asks him but doesn't wait for him to answer, going back to the room and taking both the painkillers and the antibiotics from her bag and hoping she can get him lucid enough to take them.

"Milah", he calls just as she's pouring him a glass of water and Emma freezes, her stupid, far-fetched dream going up in smoke.

Of course he's already got somebody to love; the whole world seems to have somebody except her.

And Joe.

"I need you to wake up", Emma says and shakes his good shoulder, but he just frowns and keeps calling Milah's name, his voice getting progressively more desperate. "Shhh, I'm here."

He goes quiet, and when he opens his eyes and looks at her, it's painfully obvious that it's not Emma he's seeing.

"Open your mouth and swallow", she tells him and slips the pills in, then makes him drink all the water; he gives her a smile that transforms his face into something devastatingly beautiful and Emma can't help but return it. "Let's get you back to bed."

They stumble into the bedroom and she tucks him into bed, then busies herself with making him the soup.

He barely eats and she ends up finishing it, feeling tired and so inexplicably sad she feels like she might burst into tears any second now.

"Stupid PMS", she says under her breath and takes a long, warm shower before she finally crawls into her own bed.

Killian's got both pillows and she has to make do with her head resting on her arm, suddenly too wired to go to sleep; she had taken a delusional, stubborn and wounded man in, and the longer she lies there in the dark listening to him breathe, the more convinced she is that she had made a mistake.

She's better off on her own, but something tells her that it's too late now, that fate had brought them together and something beyond her control had made her take care of him.

Funny thing is, she's one hundred percent sure she'd do it again in a heartbeat.

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	3. Revelations

**Thanks for all the reviews and follows, you guys are amazing! Have a new chapter before the episode tonight, and let's hope we survive it.**

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Emma wakes up to Killian calling Milah's name and buries her face into the mattress; it feels like she had just closed her eyes a minute ago, and she just wants him to shut up.

He doesn't stop, and she rolls out of bed and turns on the lamp on the bedside table before she leans over him and starts trying to figure out how to calm him down without waking him up.

"It's okay", she whispers lamely and he startles her when he sits up suddenly, wincing in pain, his breaths coming in shaky gasps. "Calm down."

"What are you doing?" He asks her and she raises her eyebrows at him, belatedly realizing that her hand is still resting upon his shoulder.

"Trying to sleep", Emma says and he leans back against the headboard, gingerly setting his stump back on her pillow and gritting his teeth.

"That's not what I meant", he says and Emma sighs, pours him a glass of water and makes him take a few more painkillers before she turns off the lamp and goes back to her bed.

"Why are you doing this? What are you hoping to gain from it?"

"I'm asking myself the same questions", she snaps and shifts on her side, glaring at him in the dark.

"Who were you running from when you found me?" He asks her, and the change of subject is so abrupt it leaves her reeling.

"A cop", she finally answers and the silence stretches.

"I'm not from this world, lass", he tells her mildly and she huffs, wishing he'd drop the pirate act.

"I stole something and forces of law and order wanted to catch me and punish me for it", she says, and his teeth flash white in the dimly lit room, but it's so brief she's left wondering if she had just imagined it.

"So you're a pirate too."

"I know you've been through a lot and this is just a coping mechanism, but can you stop with the charade? We both know you're not really a pirate", Emma says, trying to keep her voice level even though she just wants to shake him and tell him to snap the hell out of it.

"You have no idea what I've been though", he says, his voice as cold as ice; she guesses his eyes would be too if she could see them.

"You're right, I don't… But I can guess", she tells him, and then asks the question that's been burning inside her since she first heard him utter the name. "Who's Milah?"

"She's… She was… It's none of your business", he says, and even though his words are warning her to leave it, his tone says otherwise.

"Tell me what happened", she says, because right now, she doesn't care if he tells her a fairy-tale.

He would be the first person to do so.

"What's the point if you won't believe me?" He chuckles dryly and Emma doesn't say anything, fearing that her voice would betray her.

She had met him less than a day ago and she already wants to figure him out, solve the puzzle of Killian the pirate Captain, if that even is his real name; it goes well with the accent, though.

"Don't fall in love with somebody already taken, lass", he tells her, and even though he's talking about Milah, it also sounds like he's trying to tell her not to fall for him.

"Relax, Romeo; as soon as you can walk, you're walking out of here", she tells him and turns her back on him, trying to ignore the painful twisting in her stomach at the thought of the two of them parting ways.

"I don't know who Romeo is, but you, my dear, are protesting a little too fervently", he says, his voice like a caress she can't help but enjoy.

"So that Rumplestiltskin guy, he was Milah's boyfriend?" Emma asks him to distract him from her raging hormones, and it works in a sense that he doesn't say anything for about five minutes.

"He was her husband", Killian finally says, and it sounds like he's forcing each word out by the sheer power of will.

"And he just chopped off your hand as punishment?" Emma asks incredulously because that seems a little radical, no matter how angry the guy had been at Killian.

"That wasn't the punishment", he says faintly, and Emma turns back toward him, a chill running down her spine because she can predict what he's going to say next. "Killing Milah right in front of me was."

Even though Emma absolutely does not believe the part about Killian being a pirate, she finds it hard to doubt the part where he lost somebody he loved because he sounds too broken, too raw for it to be anything but the truth.

"I'm sorry for your loss", Emma says and cringes for the inadequacy of those words, but what else can she say?

_At least you know what love is?_

"He'll pay for what he's done", Killian says darkly and Emma lies awake for a long time after he goes back to sleep; she had never felt more alone, never longed for somebody to love her more than she does now.

But then again, maybe she's just not meant to love and be loved, maybe her purpose in life is something else, something important.

If she never accomplishes anything else worth mentioning, at least she'll be able to say that she had saved Killian's life.

* * *

Killian is still sleeping when Emma throws on yesterday's clothes and sneaks out of her room, going to see if Joe needs her to do anything.

"Who's the guy you dragged into your room yesterday?" He asks the second she enters the motel reception, making her wish he was a little less sharp.

"Good morning to you too. He's a friend."

"You don't have friends, Swan", he tells her gruffly and she rolls her eyes.

"Okay, he's an acquaintance."

Joe just looks at her steadily and she finds it hard to not tell him the truth.

"I almost got caught, and he stayed silent at a crucial moment", she tells him and Joe nods to himself; he knows she's not staying on the straight and narrow, and he'd never judged for that.

"What's wrong with him?"

"Why are you so curious all of a sudden?"

"Because I can smell trouble, and that guy is it", Joe says gruffly and she tells him what she knows, brushing him off when he demands she sends him packing.

"He can barely stand without swaying; where is he supposed to go?"

Joe regards her for a moment, then rummages through his drawers and slides a health insurance card along the counter.

"He can pass for twenty-five, right?

"What am I supposed to do with that?"

"Take him to the emergency room. He's not your problem", Joe tells her and Emma takes the card, but she already knows that she's not taking Killian anywhere unless he starts getting worse.

She doesn't want to think about what she's doing any why she's doing it, so she does what Joe needs her to, focusing on the simple task of knocking on doors and making people leave, sometimes by talking to them, sometimes by physically kicking them out.

* * *

Killian is a bad patient; he complains about the soup, asks her if she's going to throw up again every time she changes his bandage and makes ridiculous faces when she gives him pills. It's like he's trying to annoy her so much she asks him to leave, but Emma is nothing if not stubborn, so she just presses her lips together and bites her tongue to stay quiet.

Mostly he just sleeps, groaning occasionally and asking her completely ridiculous questions when he's awake, like how do the lights work, who invented flushing toilets and how does she cook without a fire stove.

Emma guesses it's a part of his pirate delusion, but she finds herself trying to explain it all to him, because for a few minutes he seems to forget about his hand and Milah, and his eyes don't seem so sad.

Why does she even care about whether he's sad or not is a question she asks herself often, but never finds the answer for.

His fever is gone in a few days and she decides it's past time he took a shower; it's not that he smells, but his leather pants are another story, caked in mud and giving off a faint river odor she could do without.

"Do you think you can stand up for a few minutes without falling over?" Emma asks him after already getting everything ready in the bathroom, praying that for once he won't argue with her.

"Why? Finally sending me on my merry way?" He asks her, raising a challenging eyebrow and making her want to punch him in the face and actually kick him out.

"You stink", she tells him and tilts her head toward the bathroom. "Can you please come with me?"

"You must be really anxious to get me naked when you're asking me so nicely", he says and she makes a show of rolling her eyes because she absolutely does not want to see him naked.

The sight of his chest and arms is enough to make her want to bite her lip, but she really hopes he can't tell, and that he's just trying to rile her up.

"Okay then", he says and sits on the edge of his bed, holding out his hand for her to help him up.

Emma doesn't comment on it, doesn't even think about the fact that in a few days she won't have any excuse to keep him here; she takes his hand and tugs him to his feet, steadying him when he sways a little and leading him to the bathroom.

"Since I know you're gonna insist on not knowing how the shower works, I'll just turn it on for you", Emma tells him and quickly covers his bandages with a plastic bag so he doesn't get them wet, tells him not to get shampoo in his eyes when he washes his hair and firmly closes the door of the bathroom.

"You sure you don't want to help me get my pants off?" He calls, and Emma doesn't even dignify him with an answer.

The thing is, he'd gotten under her skin; they have spent four days together, and it doesn't matter that he'd been asleep for most of that time.

For four days, Emma Swan, loner extraordinaire, was not alone, and she's already dreading the absolute silence that would descend on her room once he's gone.

"Emma? I'm done!" He calls in a sing-song voice and she opens the door just a crack in case it's a trap, in case he's in there in all his naked glory.

To her surprise, he's not; he's got a towel neatly tucked around his hips, but he looks a little pale when he sits on the toilet seat and leans forward over his knees.

There's a tattoo of two crossed swords right between his shoulder blades, and Emma feels an almost unbearable compulsion to trace it with her finger and ask him what it means, ask him how he got the scars that cover his back, ask him who he really is, but she's too concerned for him to let her hormones rule her head.

"Are you gonna be sick?" She asks him instead as she closes the water and he doesn't say anything, just takes a few deep breaths and straightens up shakily.

"I'm fine. Can I have my clothes back now?" He asks and she tries not to let her eyes wander over his damp skin too much, tries to not follow a drop of water dripping from his wet hair and sliding down his shoulder and collarbone before it disappears into his chest hair.

"Absolutely not", Emma says and points at the pile of clothes already waiting for him on the counter. "Underwear, jeans, a shirt. Put them on, and I'll go steal us dinner."

She closes the door before he can make any comments about her hungry eyes, then practically runs out of the room, jumps into her car and drives away.

"You were better off alone", she tells herself, and it's the absolute truth.

When you're living on your own, you don't have to take care about anybody else but yourself, but then again, there's nobody to take care of you either, and now that she knows how it is not to be alone, she doesn't want to go back to the way things were before.

"You're screwed, Emma", she tells herself because she can't help wanting to fall asleep to his "goodnight, lass", not to the banging coming from next door that had been her lullaby for a long, long time.

* * *

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	4. Who's Going to Save You

**Thank you for all your support; you guys are the best. I hope you enjoy the new chapter; the title is going to make more sense now. **

* * *

Emma gives Killian two more days, and then tells him that tomorrow he has to go.

He's sitting on the only chair in the room and she's leaning against the headboard of her bed, their dinner on the bedside table between them.

"Very well", he says and nonchalantly dips his fry into ketchup the way he'd seen her do. "This is amazing."

"That's all you're gonna say? Very well?" She asks him and he gives her a one-shouldered shrug, looking at her in a way that makes her think he can see all her little secrets.

"What else am I supposed to say?"

"I don't know", she mutters and snatches the last fry.

"I'm not going to beg you to let me stay, if that's what you hoped for", he tells her, and his voice is so soft, like he's trying to let her down as gently as possible.

"I don't want you to stay", she says quickly and takes the only plate she possesses to the bathroom to rinse it out.

That's not entirely true; she wants him gone, but at the same time, she wants him to stay with her.

"I apologize for disrupting your routine", he says from the doorway and Emma glares daggers at him. "But then again, you insisted."

"You know, you could be a little more grateful", Emma tells him icily and he tilts his head to the side and regards her with those unfairly blue eyes that make her stomach flutter.

She changed her mind; she wants him gone as soon as possible.

"As far as I can tell, this world is without magic; I have no way of finding my ship and my bloody crew, no way of getting to Neverland, and no way of finding a way to kill Rumplestiltskin, who's in the Enchanted Forest, also I place I can't get to. I'm never going to get my revenge, the love of my life is gone, and you've kept me alive to what? Spend my life as a handless beggar?" He yells at her and she actually takes a step back because he'd never been this hostile toward her; the shock makes her forget that Neverland doesn't exist.

All she knows is that he had waited for death to take him and she swooped in thinking she was saving him when she was doing the exact opposite.

She's not sorry.

"Excuse me for not tearing up at your sob story!" She yells back because she's angry and jealous as hell. "You had love, Killian! You loved Milah and she loved you and I'm sorry she's gone, but dying because you can't avenge her is the absolute worst you can do to honor her memory."

He looks a bit stunned, takes a deep breath as if he's getting ready to yell at her some more, then does a complete three-sixty, both his voice and his eyes softening and making her wish he would keep yelling at her because then it would be easier to deal with his departure.

"I know you've been alone your entire life, Emma. All abandoned children share the same look in their eyes, a look that they can never hide no matter how hard they try, and you, my darling, are better than most at it", he says and Emma shakes her head, shoving past him on her way to the room.

"You don't know anything about me!"

"I know enough; I know you don't have any friends, and the only person you talk to aside from yourself is the old man who owns this place, and you were okay with that, but you're not anymore because of me", he says and gives her his most charming smile.

"Can you be any more full of yourself?!" Emma says with a hollow laugh and he shakes his head at her, leaning against the wall and regarding her steadily.

"You'd get like that no matter who was spending time with you, lass", he says and she had liked it more when he sounded like a cocky bastard.

"I don't need anybody", she tells him vehemently, her voice rising in pitch with every word. "I don't need you, and I can't wait for you to leave."

"Good, because I'm not what you're looking for", he says and goes back into the bathroom, gently closing the door on her stricken face.

"I'm not looking for anything!" She yells after him and storms out of the room, slamming the door shut behind her and walking round and round the block until she finally gets her racing heart under control, until his words stop ringing in her head.

Until she can convince herself that they aren't true.

* * *

Emma sneaks back into her room because the lights are off and Killian is softly snoring; she doesn't want to wake him because she doesn't want another confrontation, and besides, it won't be long before he's yelling Milah's name and waking up anyway.

It's cold outside and she had forgotten her jacket when she stormed out, so she snuggles under her blanket, frowning in surprise when her head encounters a pillow instead of the bare mattress.

Killian had returned the pillow she had given him a week ago and Emma feels all her anger drain away when his scent assaults her; he smells like the sea despite the fact that he hadn't been anywhere near it in days.

"Killian?" She whispers and he shifts in his bed, the curve of his shoulder outlined against the window when he turns toward her.

"Yes, lass?"

She's going to miss him, but she won't ask him to stay.

"You were right", she tells him because he had read her like an open book and figured out what she's about so easily that it had seemed like magic.

"I know", he says, and she can hear the smile in his voice; he's not being smug, he's just being honest.

"You still have to go in the morning", she adds as an afterthought even though everything inside her is rebelling at the notion of facing reality once he's gone.

There's just one thing he'd been wrong about; she wouldn't feel the same about anybody else.

She wouldn't have saved anybody else.

"I know."

Emma lies awake and fights a battle in her own mind, finally falling asleep when she decides that it's the best for both of them to go their separate ways.

* * *

Killian looks all kinds of ridiculous wearing the stolen clothes, sneakers and his pirate coat; he refuses to leave his hook behind but Emma manages to convince him to at least keep it in his pocket.

She's the one sending him away, but she can't shake the nasty feeling that he's abandoning her like everyone else in her life had.

"There's a shelter about ten blocks from here, in case you need a place to sleep tonight", Emma tells him and shakes herself inwardly when she realizes she's dragging this out longer than necessary.

"Don't worry about me, lass", he tells her with an easy smirk that doesn't quiet reach his eyes. "Pirates know how to take care of themselves."

"A few days ago you didn't even know how a shower works", she says and reaches into her pocket, then holds out fifty bucks for him to take; it's not much, but it's everything she's got.

Killian takes the money, their fingers brushing together and sending a jolt through her system, his eyes never leaving hers when he lays it on the table before he tells her goodbye.

And then, with a swish of his long coat he's gone, and she's left standing in the middle of her room, alone and, what's worse, lonely.

Emma spends the next hour trying to remove every sign that he was ever here from her room; she stuffs his clothes and boots in two plastic bags and takes them out to the dumpster, but she can't bring herself to throw his beautiful red vest, she gets rid of most of the soup cans but not all of them, all the while telling herself she's not sentimental, and that she doesn't miss him at all.

They had only spent a week together and she is fine on her own.

And yet, when she hears a knock on her door she runs and swings it open, unable to keep a smile from stretching her lips until she realizes it's not Killian standing there.

It's the cop.

He pushes past her and slams the door closed, crowding her against it, all her alarm bells going off at the same time.

"You thought you had outrun me, didn't you, baby doll?" He asks and gives her a predatory smirk that makes her freeze.

"How did you find me?" She whispers because she needs to keep him talking, distract him enough to escape the bruising grip of his hands on her arms.

"You got sloppy", he says, his breath fanning her cheek and making her skin crawl.

She's the only one that can save her, and she doesn't know how to do it.

"Stealing from a pharmacy is never wise", he says and abruptly drags her to Killian's bed, pinning her down with his considerable weight as she struggles against him uselessly. "Shhh, it's okay. I won't arrest you if you show me a good time."

"Arrest me!" Emma demands, her voice breaking because she'd rather go to jail than have him use her. "I just stole some food and medicine!"

"What about the car outside, baby doll?" He asks even though he knows the answer to that too.

"Please arrest me", Emma cries, and she hates herself for letting him get the upper hand, her fingers going for his eyes; he catches her wrists and pins them above her head, cold panic rushing through her system because she can't escape him.

He's going to rape her and she won't be able to report him without going to jail herself.

"Relax, baby doll. You're going to love it", he coos in her ear and she's crying now; her eyes are screwed shut but she's still struggling, still trying to fight him off even though she knows it's futile.

"How do you like my hook in your neck?" Killian asks and the weight is lifted off her; she opens her eyes, gasping for breath and shakily trying to straighten her shirt.

"What did you do?" She asks, slowly getting to her feet and covering her mouth with her hand when she sees the cop.

He's lying beneath Killian's feet with a pool of red spreading around him, still twitching weakly, clutching his neck as his life slowly drains away.

"Oh God you killed him", Emma shrieks, her head spinning with a mixture of relief and horror as the cop draws his last breath and then lies still.

"He was going to violate you", Killian says calmly, as if death is a perfectly acceptable punishment for attempting rape.

"But you killed him!"

"Lass, calm down. I'll take the consequences of my actions", Killian says and she finally looks up at him to see that he's resigned to his fate, that he doesn't regret what he did.

He had just killed somebody, and the only thing she feels is gratefulness because he did it for her.

"We need to leave now", she says and starts packing what little belongings she possesses, shoving them all in a box that already contains her baby blanket and his red vest, giving the dead cop and the pool of blood surrounding him a wide berth.

"Emma, stop", Killian says and snatches her arm when she passes by him, ducking his head until she meets his eyes and telling her to breathe. "You didn't do anything wrong. Just send for the sheriff and I'll explain everything, let him lock me up."

"Stop with the pirate act!" She yells at him and shakes herself free, stumbling a little when he lets her go. "I'm a thief and he's a cop, and they are gonna charge both of us with murder!"

"How many times do I have to tell you that it's not an act?!" He exclaims and Emma shakes her head, not even listening to him as he goes on and on while she looks around to see if there's something she'd missed.

"Go clean the hook", she tells him and the look on her face makes him shut up and go do as she had asked him.

Ten minutes later they are in the car, driving out of Portland, and she can't help remembering how she had always wanted to leave this place; she never imagined it would be under these circumstances.

Nothing like murder to make you get out of your comfort zone.

* * *

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	5. Born to Run

**Thank you for all the reviews/follows/favorites, and I hope you keep enjoying this story as much as I had enjoyed writing it. **

* * *

Emma does her best to stay under the speed limit because the last thing they need now is getting pulled over, but it's hard because she wants to go faster, wants to put a million miles between them and the dead cop in a room that has been her home for the past two years.

"I can't believe you killed him", Emma says for the hundredth time and glares at Killian; he opens his mouth to tell her the same thing he'd already told her ninety-nine times before, but then closes it and decides not to bother. "You okay? You look a little green."

"Are you implying that I'm seasick?!" He asks incredulously and swallows thickly; for the first time since she started driving Emma notices that he's gripping the door handle as if he means to crush it into nothing.

"No, but you might be carsick", she tells him dryly and presses her lips into a tight line to fight a smile that wants to stretch them because Killian had killed a man and it's going to land them both in prison; it's just a matter of time.

It scares her that deep down inside she thinks cop deserved it because of what he wanted to do to her and what he undoubtedly already did to other women like her.

"The only way a pirate gets sick is if he had more rum than he can handle", Killian says and breathes through his nose, probably trying to soothe his queasy stomach.

"When are you going to drop the pirate nonsense?" Emma asks him softly, realizing she needs to stop at the next Texaco and help herself to some gas; she's got about a dozen stolen credit cards in her purse and it's just a matter of finding one that's not yet blocked before the cashier catches on.

"I am a pirate, and you need to learn how to trust", Killian says weakly and Emma just rolls her eyes and tells him to open the window. "I would if I knew how."

"You are ridiculous", Emma says and leans to the side, pressing the button and smirking when he jumps a little, then spends next five minutes playing with it, making the window go up and down until he gets tired of it.

"You claim that there's no magic in this world, and that miraculous things like this are based in science, but to me it seems pretty damn similar", Killian tells her as she pulls to a stop next to a gas pump the furthest from the store and she just shrugs, taking two credit cards with similar names on them from her purse.

"Stay in the car in case we have to make a run for it", Emma says but he opens his door and gets out. "Killian! What did I just tell you?!"

"I am not letting you go commit a robbery on your own", he tells her with wide eyes and Emma shushes him and walks to his side of the car, trying not to find it endearing that he wants to help; she focuses on it being incredibly annoying instead.

She'd been doing this for a long time and she doesn't need his help.

"I can do everything on my own, and you'd just be in my way, so please stay in the car", Emma tells him, trying to be as firm as possible, but he looks so defeated that it makes her feel like the bad guy. "Not to mention the fact that everybody would remember a guy in a long leather coat with a hook for a hand."

"I can leave them in the car", he says quickly and Emma sighs because she does not have time for this.

"We're still too close to Portland, and now is not the time for me to teach you how to rob a Texaco without anybody noticing."

Killian contemplates that for a while, then tilts his head to the side and asks her if she intends to teach him eventually.

"Sure, okay, I will. Are you gonna stay in the car?"

"If you bring me a Snickers", he says and despite everything that's happened today Emma laughs; it sounds a little hysterical but it's still a laugh and he seems pleased with himself as he gets back into the car and closes the door.

Killian is an enigma that begs to be solved and she'd be lying if she said she didn't look forward to that.

Ten minutes later the tank is filled with gas, there are three plastic bags full of food in the back seat and Killian is happily eating his Snickers as Emma goes back on the road; she smiles to herself at the notion of fearsome Captain Hook having a weakness for Snickers, but then she remembers Killian's hook in the cop's neck and the way his eyes blazed with anger, and realizes that there's a tiny part of her that is entertaining the possibility of his story being true instead of just a very convincing delusion.

"You're being silly", Emma tells herself and returns her eyes to the road, slowing down a bit because she's too close to the speed limit again.

"Excuse me?"

"What?"

"How am I being silly?" Killian asks her and Emma realizes that she can't keep talking to herself the way she'd been doing while she was alone.

"I wasn't… Forget it."

"You think I'm silly. I want to know why", Killian says stubbornly and Emma gives him a long suffering sigh and ignores him, but he keeps pestering her.

"I was talking to myself, okay? I do that sometimes", Emma snaps and he gives her a crooked smile that is entirely unfair.

"I noticed that. Why are you silly, then?"

Emma doesn't answer him, distracting him with the radio; she shows him how to change stations and lets him choose what he wants to listen to, half-expecting him to like something ridiculous like bubbly pop songs.

He ends up picking a classic rock station and they listen to Springsteen, CCR and Foreigner as she puts more miles between them and the invisible pursuit that she's acutely aware of; and yet, the fact that she's on the run doesn't disturb her nearly as much as it should.

Having Killian with her is way more unsettling because she can feel herself leaning already, and she does not want to fall.

* * *

"Why did you come back?" Emma asks as soon as Killian comes out of the bathroom; she checked them in into a motel because she'd been driving all day and she didn't want to spend the night in the car too.

He pauses in the doorway and runs his hand through his hair, leaving it messy and making her wish she could sift her own fingers through it, which is completely ridiculous because she was never the gentle, cuddly type.

None of the boys she'd been with had ever given her a chance to enjoy the little things.

"I never went anywhere", he tells her and Emma watches him cross the room and sit on the edge of the other bed.

"Where were you?"

"In the park", he tells her and Emma frowns, wordlessly prompting him to continue. "This world… It puzzles me."

"Are you trying to say you were afraid to go anywhere?" Emma chuckles softly and he gives her a heavy scowl that makes him look adorable more than frightening.

"Laugh all you want, lass, but ask yourself how would you feel right about now if I hadn't returned", Killian says and Emma's face falls because that's the last thing she wants to imagine.

"Why did you come back to my room?" Emma presses on because it's better than dwelling on dark thoughts, better than remembering how the cop crushed her beneath him and touched her body as if he had all the right to do so.

"I just did! I came back and I killed a man for you, so can we leave it at that?!" He exclaims and gets into his bed, closing his eyes as if going to sleep and ending this discussion once and for all.

"I didn't ask you to kill him for me", Emma says, shivering inside because he had done it anyway; he came in, saw her being attacked, and he did his best to protect her.

It's monumental, a deed so great that her abandoned, solitary mind can't quite process it completely, so it latches onto the most obvious; a man is dead because of them.

"I didn't think", Killian says, and his voice is so soft she can barely hear him, so she leans closer and intently watches his face when he speaks. "You were crying, and I reached into my pocket for my hook and sunk it into his neck. If I had my sword, I would've stabbed him in the back. If I didn't have any weapons on me, I would've choked him to death with my bare hands… well, hand."

Emma gapes at him for a while, then turns off the lamp and gets into her own bed, trying to decide which of her two options scares her more; that Killian enjoys committing that kind of violence, or that seeing her hurt sends him over the edge.

She tells herself that the second option doesn't make any sense because she's nobody to him and he loves Milah with every fiber of his being, but it's still better than the first.

Too bad that she can't really believe the first option to be true.

* * *

"Lass, wake up", Killian says and shakes her roughly, her eyes snapping open as she scoots back from him until she hits the headboard. "It's okay, I'm not going to hurt you."

"Why did you wake me up?" Emma asks him, realizing that she's all sweaty and breathless, her hair a mess of tangles spilling over her shoulders.

"You were having a bad dream", Killian says and awkwardly taps her knee before going back to his bed.

"And you just had to swoop in like a knight in shining armor?" Emma asks him, her voice like ice because he shouldn't care, he shouldn't give her any reasons to like him more than she already does.

"I'm a pirate, lass, not a knight, but I'm still a gentleman, and seeing a lady suffer and sitting idly by is not something I would ever do", he tells her mildly and she feels like a jerk for snapping at him.

"You're not going to ask me what was my dream about?" Emma whispers, trying not to laugh at the notion of her being a lady; Killian tilts his head to the side, his blue eyes regarding her calmly as a sad smile tugs on his lips.

"I know what was it about, lass", he tells her softly and Emma has to look away because she can't bear his all-seeing gaze.

"What do you see in your nightmares?" She asks him because she doesn't want to go back to sleep just yet and risk another bad dream.

It's a blessing that she doesn't remember the details of her nightmare, but she can still feel her skin crawl because she knows it was about the cop attacking her.

"Why do you ask questions you already know the answers to?"

"You're seeing her die", Emma says and makes herself look at him; he's the one avoiding her gaze now, staring at his stump and compulsively opening and closing his fist.

"Do you have a plan you'd be willing to share with me?" He changes the subject abruptly and Emma feels too tired to insist.

"You want a plan? Here's a plan: we run."

"How far?"

"We're gonna know when it's time to stop", Emma tells him and it's clear that while he's not necessary happy with something that vague, he's going to follow her lead. "Aren't pirate Captains supposed to insist on always being in charge?"

"We do, on sea or if we think we're fit for leadership; if there's anybody more capable around, or with more knowledge about the land in question, we recognize that. At least I do", Killian says and Emma lifts an eyebrow at him, because what he just said doesn't make any sense to her.

"You're trying to tell me that Captain Hook would take orders from a woman."

"As I recall, he already did that, several times… You don't know a lot about pirates, lass, and what you do know seems to be wrong", Killian tells her and turns off the light, plunging the room into darkness; she's left lying in her bed, wide awake and staring at the ceiling, silently arguing with him in her head until she finally falls asleep what seems like hours later.

* * *

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	6. I'll Take Care of You

**Thank you all so much for reading/reviewing/following, and I hope you enjoy this new chapter too.**

* * *

Emma starts the car early next morning and gets them back on the road, watching Killian get quieter and paler by the hour; at first she thinks it's the carsickness, but even when she stops for a bathroom break he stays in the car with his eyes closed.

"Is your stump hurting you or something?" Emma finally asks when he barely eats anything for lunch and keeps wincing after every bump in the road, no matter how tiny.

"No more than usual", he says weakly and continues to ignore her attempts to talk to him for the rest of the afternoon.

She had been planning for them to sleep in the car, but he already looks too wrecked for that so she checks them into another motel and pays with the last of the money she's got left.

Killian stumbles into the room, kicks off his shoes and lies face first on the bed, still wearing his coat.

"You have to eat something", Emma says, annoyed with herself for sounding as concerned as she does.

"Just let me sleep it off", he says and Emma leaves him be, raids the vending machine and returns to their room to find that he hadn't moved a muscle. She showers and spends some time studying the map, feeling a bit less panicky because they are two states away from Oregon; they could've been in California by now, but they also could've already been arrested, so she guesses it's all good.

She's reaching to turn off the lamp when she notices that a strand of hair had fallen over Killian's forehead and feels a compulsion she doesn't want to fight to brush it off.

"You're ridiculous", she tells herself and kneels next to his bed, then reaches out her hand and ghosts her fingers against his forehead.

It's unsettlingly hot.

"Killian?" Emma says his name on an expelled breath, her stomach dropping when he doesn't even twitch. "Hey, wake up."

He stays silent even when she shakes him, and Emma rolls him on his back and presses her palm against his cheek; he just keeps lying there, and for a horrible moment she thinks that he's already gone.

"Okay, Emma, do something", she mutters to herself and quickly takes off his heavy coat; his shirt is soaked, and she spends the next two hours trying to bring his fever down with cold compresses, trying to wake him up, trying to convince herself she can make him better again.

She had given him the antibiotics before he left and he promised he'd keep taking them, but now that she thinks about it she can't remember seeing him do it in the past three days, and she can't find them in any of his pockets either.

It's a little after 1 a.m. when she manages to ruse him enough to get him to drink something, but she knows she's in over her head and that she's got just two choices.

Call the ambulance or watch him suffer and eventually die.

"Killian? I need you to listen to me", she says and cradles his head in her hands, his eyelashes fluttering as he struggles to keep his eyes open. "I'm going to get you help, but you have to act normal. They can't know you're a pirate."

"You don't believe me", he whispers, and it's almost funny that it's the thing that's bothering him the most right now.

"I believe you. You're a pirate, the Jolly is somewhere out there, but in order for us to find it you can't tell anybody. It's our secret, okay?" Emma tells him, and when he smiles woozily she feels like crying because she's too rational to really believe him and he's too sick to realize she's lying.

"It's our secret", he repeats, and she can tell he's drifting, so she shakes him some more.

"If they ask you, your name is Luke Grant, okay? It's very important that you remember that", Emma tells him and he nods.

"Luke Grant", he whispers and then no amount of shaking can make him wake up again.

Emma calls the ambulance, silently thanking Joe for that health insurance card he'd given her, and also Luke Grant, whoever he is, for cheating on his wife, losing the card at the motel and not bothering to report it.

The story she tells the paramedics is simple; her friend had a nasty accident, checked himself out of the hospital against doctor's orders and ended up a mess he is now.

It's clear they don't believe her, but she doesn't need them to believe, she just needs them to fix Killian.

* * *

Emma spends the night pacing the hallway; they perform emergency surgery and as soon as the doctor tells her that Luke is out of the woods she hightails it out of there.

The car is packed, she's ready and free to go wherever she wants to, but she ends up sitting in it and not going anywhere. Killian's leather coat is mocking her from the passenger's seat, neatly folded on top of the box that contains her possessions; she can't even remember putting it there, but now she wishes she had left it in the motel room.

"You don't need him", Emma tells herself, starts the car and starts driving, but every time she reaches the edge of town she makes a U turn and drives back in, repeating the process until her tank is almost empty. She gets a refill at the gas station, barely manages to get out of there when both credit cards end up not going through, and decides it's high time she slept.

She could've been in California by now. She could've been anywhere but here, huddling in her cold car and throwing longing glances at Killian's coat until she finally gives in and covers herself with it.

She could've been all alone the way she's used to being, but she's not.

Killian is in the hospital, but he's also in her heart, his coat warming her up and his scent enveloping her as she drifts off to sleep.

They are connected, and even if they never become more than companions running away together, leaving him behind is not an option anymore. Being all alone isn't something she wants to experience ever again, and even though it's scary to think that she needs him as much as she does after knowing him for barely ten days, it's also oddly comforting. For the longest time Emma Swan had thought that she's incapable of belonging, and that it's the reason people always left her, but Killian came back for her, and she finds that she can belong just fine.

If only he didn't already belong to somebody else.

* * *

Emma calls the hospital every day to check on Killian, but she keeps her distance because cops keep going in and out of that place and it makes her incredibly jittery.

She gives Killian a week to recover, and then slips into his room and tells him it's time to go.

"Emma… You're still… I thought you left", he says, and it's so good to see him, so good to listen to him that she doesn't even mind his accusatory tone.

"No, I just… You were _dying_, and I did what I had to", Emma says, then shakes herself because her voice sounds too breakable and goes to look for his clothes in the closet across from his bed.

"Why did you come back?" He asks, and she closes her eyes, holding his carefully folded clothes in her arms and trying to decide what to tell him.

"You have your secrets, I have mine", she finally says and drops the clothes in his lap unceremoniously. "Now get dressed; we've already overstayed our welcome in this town."

Killian doesn't move.

"I've got nothing to offer you, lass. Why would you stick with me?" He asks her, and Emma sighs, shaking her head in exasperation.

"Because I have nobody else. Because we're alike. Because believe it or not, I enjoy your company. Why do you ask questions you already know the answers to?" She throws his own words back at him and the corner of his mouth lifts a little.

"I just don't want you to hope for something that won't ever happen", he tells her and Emma rolls her eyes even though her heart is breaking a little.

She's not in love with him, but it hurts to hear that it's not even within the realm of possibility that something could happen between them someday. Maybe.

"Get over yourself. I don't need a lover, Killian", she says, and then it downs on her that maybe she'd been seeing a connection that's not there. "Unless you don't want me around, in which case I'll just go."

She barely lifts her foot to take a step back when his hand shoots out and catches her wrist; his grip is strong, but it's not hurtful, and she takes pleasure in the fact that he'd been so quick to stop her.

"You know I'd be lost without you, lass", he tells her and Emma smiles, secretly glad that he finally acknowledged it.

"Still not over the delusion that you're a pirate?" She asks with a raised eyebrow, acutely aware of the fact that he's still touching her, his palm enveloping her small hand as his fingers hold her captive in a way so delicate that she doesn't even perceive it as something confining.

"I thought you said you believed me", he says with a wry smile, looking up at her from under his ridiculous eyelashes and making her wish she could believe him.

"You were dying", Emma whispers, trying not to get mushy and failing at it because he had been so feverish and it made her so scared.

"But you saved me again, lass", Killian tells her and Emma nods, freezing when he rubs her arm for a moment before he sits on the edge of the bed and looks at her expectantly.

"What?"

"Do you intend to just stand there and watch me change?" He asks and lifts an eyebrow at her suggestively; she knows he's just teasing, but it still makes her blush.

"So you're still as insufferable as ever", Emma mutters and turns around, counting from one hundred in threes and trying not to think about those arms and all that chest hair, not to mention the parts she hadn't seen yet.

"Oh come on, Swan. You didn't really expect that a week in this place would dull my charm, now did you?" He asks and Emma closes her eyes, basking in the moment.

They've come to an understanding, and she didn't even have to tell him that she'd be lost without him too.

* * *

"So, back on the road?" Killian asks as soon as she starts the car and despite the fact that he looks good, Emma doesn't want to risk his fever coming back again.

"Just until we cross the state line", she tells him and he raises his eyebrows in question. "I don't want you to get sick again."

"Emma, I'm fine. They patched me up properly", he says and wiggles his bandaged stump in her face, then adds hastily, "not that you hadn't but… you know."

"You say that now, but you always get carsick", Emma says with a grin because she actually finds it adorable that a man claiming to be a pirate would get sick in a car.

"That was because of the infection", he says quickly and Emma's grin grows wider.

"Keep telling yourself that, buddy", she chuckles and ignores his wounded puppy look. "I'll bet you that you're gonna be begging me to stop before the hour's up.

"It's not wise to bet with a pirate", he tells her and Emma shoots him a look before returning her eyes to the road.

"Good for me that you're not a pirate", she says and he offers her his hand, his eyebrow raised in challenge.

"If I win, you have to answer a few questions truthfully."

"How many is a few?"

"Twenty."

"No way in hell."

"Ten."

"Five."

"Seven."

"Six."

"Six."

"What do I get if I win?" Emma asks, trying not to entertain the possibility of losing; he does look fine, in every sense of the word.

"You won't win."

"I'm sleeping in the back seat", Emma declares and shakes Killian's hand quickly, before he can change his mind.

Killian chats her up for hours, and she has to admit defeat; even make-believe pirates don't get sick, and she can only imagine what kinds of personal questions he's going to come up with once he stops giving her self-satisfied smirks.

* * *

**Review?**


	7. Living On the Run

**Thank you for all the reviews and follows; I'm really happy you like this story so much! Without furter ado, here's the new chapter.**

* * *

Even though Emma had lost their bet, Killian lets her take the back seat; she tries to argue but he tells her that he's used to sleeping in much more uncomfortable places.

"You are? Like what?" Emma asks, shifting on her side and shivering in her thin jacket.

"Like a ship's deck. When it's raining", he says, and Emma sighs because she should've seen that one coming, but didn't.

"I thought you said you were a captain. Since when do captains sleep outside?"

"I wasn't always a captain, lass", he tells her mildly, ignoring the sarcasm in her voice. "Are you cold? Do you want my coat?"

"I'm fine", Emma says because yes she's cold and yes she wants his coat but considering the fact that they're just two people running away from the long arm of the law together, he shouldn't worry about what she wants.

"I'd like to use the first of my six questions now", he says and leans between the seats to look at her; they are in the parking lot of a pit stop just outside Cortez, Colorado, and she can only just make out the lines of his face.

He's giving her an easy grin and she knows she's in trouble.

"Shoot."

"What?"

"Ask me, then", she huffs, wishing he would drop the pirate act and at the same time realizing she kind of likes it.

"Do you want me to give you my coat?" He asks her, and she raises her eyebrows at him.

"That's what you waste a question on?"

"I just want you to know that you can ask me for help too; God knows you've done a lot of helping me, and it's about time I reciprocate."

"You killed somebody to stop him from raping me; I'd say you helped me too", Emma says and he just looks at her steadily, waiting for her answer.

"Yes; I'm freezing and I want your coat", Emma says, her cheeks flushed with embarrassment because she used to sleep in this car all the time, before Joe and the motel.

She misses her motel room; it had been a home, the first one she had ever had.

Killian doesn't say anything, just shrugs out of his coat and hands it to her, their fingers brushing together; electricity jumps between their skin but she pretends not to notice and sighs in content when she wraps herself in the leatherly warmth.

"Aren't you cold?"

"Your climate is much milder than what we have in Enchanted Forest", he says and flashes her a smile before he turns around and settles in his seat. "Besides, I'm always a gentleman."

"Thank you", Emma says, her nose buried in the lining of his coat, still a little stunned that he's not gloating at all.

"You're welcome, lass", he says and Emma closes her eyes, a mantra repeating in her head over and over again; _don't fall in love_.

She knows it's too late, but she makes herself believe that she can stop her own freefall, that she can be around him and not want to be with him because it can never be.

He loves his dead girlfriend too much, and even if he didn't, he'd never go for somebody as messed up as Emma is; telling herself that he's messed up too doesn't help her at all.

* * *

"So, when are we robbing somebody?" Killian asks as soon as the sun comes out and they go back on the road; he seems to be in a ridiculously good mood considering the fact that he'd spent the night in the passenger seat.

"We aren't robbing anybody", Emma says and he shakes his head, looking disappointed.

"I didn't think you'd break a promise so easily", he says and flutters his stupid eyelashes at her, making her feel both annoyed and guilty.

"I don't know what you're talking about."

Of course she does; she remembers every word they had ever exchanged.

"You said you'd teach me how you do pirating in this world if I stayed in the car that one time; I stayed in the car, so when are you teaching me?" He asks and Emma glances at him, carefully assessing him for a moment.

"Lose the big rings", she says and he frowns, outright refusing. "They look ridiculous. I'll have to steal you a jacket because that coat is too memorable."

"It's always nice to make an impression", he murmurs and Emma shoots him a side-ways look.

"Not if you're trying not to get caught", she says and he regards her for a long moment, then shrugs, obviously deciding to listen to her.

"Very well", he says and gets off the chunky rings with his teeth.

Emma stares at the road ahead until the hot flash passes, deliberately thinking about everything except what everybody would think about in her situation.

"Satisfied?" He asks her and puts the rings in his pocket, and Emma nods, still not trusting her voice to speak. "So what do I do when we get to our target?"

"You provide the distraction", she says shortly, giving him a warning look. "And the hook stays in the car."

"But-"

"And you can't hurt anybody."

"How am I supposed to defend myself?"

"You don't get into a situation where you need to defend yourself… Look; I'm not saying you can't punch them or fight them if they try to stop you from leaving, but just make sure you don't kill them", Emma says, a chill going down her spine because the cop is always at the back of her mind, looking at her pleadingly until he bleeds out.

"And what are you going to do, lass?"

"I'll rob them blind."

* * *

Emma parks the car in an underground garage and leads Killian to the elevator, swatting his hand away when he tries pressing more buttons, grinning at the way they light up.

"Come on. What are you, five?" She asks him sternly and shakes her head because he jumps every time the elevator doors open. "Try not to look so frightened."

"We could have taken the stairs instead of this contraption; it doesn't feel safe."

"I could've left you in the car again", Emma says and he sulks, but doesn't complain anymore until it's time to exit the elevator and face the crowd in the shopping mall Emma had picked as their target. "Come on."

Killian just stands in the elevator gaping and Emma pulls him out by the hand and tells him to get a grip; he's momentarily distracted, and then to her surprise he entwines their fingers and holds on.

"It wouldn't be good if I lost you, now would it?" He says as if it justifies them holding hands, as if it's the most ordinary thing in the world.

"Are you gonna tell me that pirates held hands every time they discovered a new world?" Emma asks with a chuckle but he's too busy craning his head and trying to take everything in to react to her jab.

And so they make their way through the crowd holding hands until Emma finds the clothing store and tugs him inside.

"The girls in the black t-shirts work here. Don't let them anywhere near the changing booths, okay? And do not tell them you're really a pirate" Emma says softly and goes to browse the men's department first, trying not to worry about Killian even though there's so many way this could go wrong.

It takes her five minutes to pick the clothes for both of them and fifteen to remove all the tags without setting off the alarm; she puts his new jacket, three shirts and more underwear in her bag and wears her own shirts underneath her jacket, and then calmly walks out of the changing booth.

Killian is on the other end of the store, surrounded with all the staff and a few random shoppers, all of them looking at him as if they had never seen a beautiful man before. Emma is too far away to be able to tell what he's saying but whatever it is, it had worked, but she's still more than ready to go.

She catches his eye and tilts her head toward the store entrance, walking out and not looking back until she reaches the relative safety of a coffee shop two floors down and opposite from the store.

Killian follows and saunters over to her once she sits down, and she must admit that he looks damn good; the jeans are a perfect fit considering the fact that she stole them without knowing his size, the henley is a little tight in the shoulders but it only adds to the attractiveness, and his entire face is just unfairly handsome.

No wonder all those women drooled over him.

Emma feels a stab of jealously but she ignores it, pulling out a chair for him and nodding approvingly.

"What did you tell them to make them flock like that?"

"I didn't do anything; one of them thought I was a famous actor and I didn't dissuade her from that notion", he says, looking entirely too pleased with himself.

"So pirates know how a celebrity acts?" Emma teases and he frowns, sneaking a look in her bag.

"I spent five days in the hospital doing nothing but watching TV; I learned some things", he says and smiles at the waitress when she brings their drinks.

"They didn't notice that you're one hand short?" Emma asks him and takes a spoonful of whipped cream from the top of her hot chocolate, closing her eyes as it melts on her tongue.

"I kept my stump in my pocket; besides, they were too busy asking me for an autograph and listening as I told them about my next movie", Killian says and looks at his own chocolate wearily. "What is this?"

"Hot chocolate with cinnamon", Emma tells him and pushes the mug closer to him. "Just try it, it's amazing. And let me guess; your next movie is about pirates."

"It is, and they seemed really enthusiastic about that", Killian says and sips the chocolate carefully, his eyes going comically wide when he realizes how good it is.

"Told ya."

"Ready to answer another question?" Killian asks her after a few minutes of companionable silence and Emma sighs, sitting up straight, mentally preparing herself for embarrassment.

"Hit me."

"What?"

"Just ask what you want."

"If you could go anywhere, where would you go?" He asks her, and it's about the last question she'd expect.

"I don't know… I never really thought about it", she tells him, trying to think about it now, but it's proving difficult when he's looking at her the way he is. "I always dreamt of traveling the world, but it was never a specific place."

"Face it lass; you're a pirate at heart", he tells her softly and Emma doesn't argue because he might just be right.

"Where would you go?" She asks, suddenly anxious to know anything and everything about him.

"Neverland", he says, and she smiles sadly, wishing she had kept her mouth shut. "But this is a world without magic, and I'm never going to see it again."

"So you've been there before?" She asks, and he just nods, the terrible longing in his eyes breaking her heart despite the fact that Neverland doesn't exist; it's real to him, and it hurts him to be unable to reach it. "Why did you leave it in the first place?"

"Because I wanted to see the world", he says, his eyes locking onto hers, her heart skipping a beat in her chest because for the first time since she'd known him, she's ready to entertain the possibility of fairy-tale characters come to life.

"There's magic in this world too, if you know where to look", Emma tells him, regretting her words the moment they are out because he looks like a child on Christmas morning and the disappointment is going to sting pretty bad.

"Do you know where to look, lass?"

"I'm not saying it's the kind of magic you're looking for, but people around here believe that there is magic in New Orleans, Louisiana… We can go check it out if you want", she says and he jumps to his feet, offering her his hand.

"Then let's go", he says and she takes his hand, grabs her bag and tugs him briskly away before the waitress realizes they hadn't left any money on the table.

"It's gonna take us a while to get there, you know. It's not around the corner", Emma tells him as she leads the way through the crowd and looks at him over her shoulder, finding him smirking at her.

"I'm always up for a quest", Killian says and laces their fingers again. "And we do make quite the team."

Emma rolls her eyes but keeps holding his hand all the way to the garage; she even manages to convince herself that he might be falling too.

* * *

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	8. Time For a Change

**Thank you for all the feedback, and enjoy the new chapter; Emma and Killian are getting a little bit closer, and I hope you're going to like it.**

* * *

It takes Emma and Killian two weeks to reach Texas because Emma decides to see everything worth seeing in Kansas and Oklahoma, and even though Killian is in a rush to reach New Orleans no matter how many times Emma tells him that she seriously doubts anybody there would know how to open a portal to Neverland, he can't really object since he can't drive.

Still, she doesn't regret her decision to give him that hope because although he keeps waking her up when he calls Milah's name in the middle of the night, he goes back to sleep right away, as if the possibility of avenging her death someday is giving him the strength to pick himself up and move on.

Emma, on the other hand, is not moving on; she's falling for him and she's falling fast. If she were to be honest with herself, she's already past the point of no return, but she doesn't want to acknowledge her feelings because it's brutally clear they won't be reciprocated.

She has nightmares too, but Killian rarely wakes her from them, and when he does, he just caresses her arm briefly and goes back to his bed.

Their little "robbery excursions", as Killian calls them, are going extremely well; he's really good at the art of distraction and she's really good at not panicking under pressure, so they get by pretty comfortably.

For two weeks Emma lets herself just live and do things she had always dreamed about doing but never had anybody to share them with, and since doing them alone would make her feel even worse, she never did them, and even though she still finds his delusion ridiculous, she had stopped trying to make him break character and accepted his pirate act as a part of his quirky personality. Besides, going to see "Pirates of the Caribbean" with somebody who claims to be a pirate himself is more than a little entertaining.

"Jack Sparrow is the worst pirate in existence", Killian says as they walk back to their car and Emma laughs, shaking her head at him when he asks what's so funny.

"I'm sorry, but you two could be brothers, except you don't drink as much… come to think of it, you probably would be perpetually drunk if I stole the booze for you every time you asked me to", Emma says and Killian huffs.

"I am nothing like him. He's a ridiculous excuse for a pirate", Killian says haughtily and Emma walks backwards in front of him, counting on her fingers.

"You both lost your ships, you wear guyliner, you have a way with ladies, and you hang out with a Swan", she says and runs to catch up with him when he brushes past her.

He seems to be genuinely offended.

"For your information, I did not lose my ship; my crew staged a mutiny while I was trying not to die after I had my hand chopped off, I have no idea what guyliner is, charming the ladies has nothing to do with being a pirate and I do hope you won't turn out to be as backstabbing to me as Elizabeth was to Jack."

"Killian, I'm sorry! I didn't mean to-"

"You didn't mean to what, Swan?! Remind me that I'm a failure?" He asks and then he doesn't talk to her for the rest of the night.

He only calls her Swan when he's upset with her; usually she's lass, or Emma, or darling, or sweetheart, or her personal favorite, my dear.

"I'm sorry", Emma apologizes one more time when they settle in for the night, but Killian doesn't respond even though she can sense that he's not sleeping yet, no matter how hard he's trying to deceive her. "You're not a failure."

Only silence answers her, and Emma lies awake for a long time, wishing she had kept her mouth shut.

* * *

Emma is in the little store at the Texaco paying for the gas with the money Killian had pick-pocketed off some business man last week, smiling faintly because his remaining five fingers are surprisingly sticky. She freezes when she catches a glimpse of the news on the TV behind the cashier's head; luckily, the sound is on mute, but flashing on the screen are police sketches of her and Killian, and they are scarily accurate, down to the scar on Killian's cheek.

Outside, Killian is leaning against the hood of their car, waiting for her and eating an apple as if he doesn't have a care in the world.

Even though she should've seen this coming because killing a cop is probably the worst kind of crime you can commit in the eyes of the law, Emma is still stunned; they are in Wichita Falls, one thousand five hundred miles away from Portland, and it's still not far enough.

"We need a makeover", Emma says as soon as they are back in the car, and Killian lifts an eyebrow, but doesn't say anything; he'd been stringy with words since she had compared him to Jack and she wishes he'd get over it already. "We're on TV."

"What?"

"I'll give you an analogy you'll probably understand; wanted posters."

"I'm going to have to shave, and you, my dear, have to get rid of those blonde locks", he says and Emma makes a face because she will absolutely not do that.

"I'll just dye it and keep it in a bun", she says and tries not to get excited because she's back to being his dear.

They check into the seediest motel she can find where nobody cares or looks at their faces and Emma sits on the radiator in the bathroom, waiting for half an hour to pass before her hair turns chocolate brown, watching Killian fiddle with the disposable razor she'd bought him when she went to get her dye.

"It works the same as those old-fashioned razors you're undoubtedly gonna claim you only know how to use", Emma tells him and points at the shaving cream. "But first you put that on so you don't irritate your skin."

"Show me", he says, and Emma hesitates even though she wants to jump on her feet and comply.

"Oh come on. It's just shaving, not rocket science", she says and he tilts his head to the side, eying her warily.

"Very well. I'll give up one of the questions I have left if you help me", he says and Emma has to fight a self-satisfied smile because he has no idea she actually wants to do this.

But then again, why would he; he thinks she finds him lacking.

"Sit down", she orders and pushes him toward the closed toilet seat, then tilts his head back, carefully distributing the shaving cream over his cheeks and chin, her fingers caressing the fine line of his jaw; he keeps his eyes closed and she's glad for that because she's not so sure he wouldn't see right through her if he saw her face. "Okay, get up."

"You do like bossing people around", he says when she hands him the razor and covers his fingers with hers.

"What people? I'm only bossing you around", she tells him sweetly and carefully shows him how to shave. "Don't apply so much force! It's sharp enough to do the job if you're gentle."

"Maybe you should just do it for me", he says and pulls his hand from under hers. "I did give up a question for this, after all."

"You gave up the question if I helped you, not if I did it for you", Emma says and pulls back, lifting her eyebrow in challenge. "Unless you want to give up another one."

"Give it here", he says and Emma goes back to sit on the radiator, her fingers still buzzing with the rush of his skin; he still smells like the ocean despite the fact that they are both using a cheap brand of shower gel that smells kind of fruity on her skin, and she comes to the conclusion that he must've been some kind of sailor before whatever had happened with Milah's husband.

Emma realizes that the time is up and leans over the tub to rinse out the dye, wondering if it's going to be enough to stop people from connecting her with the blonde on TV. Once the water runs clean she wraps her now dark hair in a towel and turns to Killian, then promptly dissolves into giggles.

"You look so young!"

"I look like a bloody idiot", Killian says, absentmindedly rubbing his smooth jaw as Emma tries to catch her breath, her stomach hurting from laughing.

He had never looked less like a pirate than he does now.

"You still look dashing", she tells him and he rolls his eyes, then reaches for her towel.

"Let's see you, then", he says and Emma catches his wrist, keeping him from revealing her hair.

"No, I have to dry it first", she objects but he surprises her when he nudges the towel open with his stump; it's still wrapped in bandages, "to spare her from being sick at the sight of it", and she finds that she doesn't mind at all when he brushes away her hair that tumbles out of the towel with it.

"Forgive me for taking a liberty like this, but you are as beautiful now as you were before, maybe even more so", he says and Emma can't stop her eyes to flickering to his lips, so close, so temptingly shaped, so…

She blinks and gently brushes his hand and stump from her shoulders, feeling a petty sense of satisfaction to see him shaking himself and looking as thrown as she feels.

"I'm sorry; I don't know what came over me", he says quickly and stands aside so she can exit the bathroom, then closes the door as soon as she's out.

"Don't", Emma tells herself softly, finding her comb and running it through her hair none too gently. "It doesn't mean anything."

She doesn't heed her own warning, thinking about every second of the exchange she just had with Killian and coming to the conclusion that it doesn't really matter if he finds her beautiful or not, because he still wakes her up every night calling another woman's name; they don't talk about it because he doesn't want to, or can, and she's not inclined to push him.

Maybe she should, but she hates the haunted look in his eyes he gets every time Milah's on his mind and she doesn't want to be the one that puts it there.

Emma tells herself that she's happy, that she enjoys the status quo, but it makes her shiver to think that status quo can't last forever.

Things are always changing, and in her experience, it's never for the better.

* * *

"I don't feel like me", Killian mutters to himself, looking at himself in the bathroom mirror as she tries to brush her teeth in peace.

"It's temporary. In a couple of weeks something new will happen and there will be a manhunt for somebody else; we won't be on TV and you can go full pirate again", Emma tells him around her toothbrush and he smiles faintly, rubbing his stump against his thigh.

"I'm not only talking about the beard", he says and Emma is at a loss because they hadn't really talked about the loss of his hand except him teasing her because she had thrown up when she cleaned him up the day they met. "I do wish you'd let me wear the hook."

"Yeah, not gonna happen, buddy. You draw enough attention as it is", she tells him, hoping to lighten the mood because she doesn't know how to deal with this, doesn't know how to talk to him when he's this melancholy.

"This may come as a surprise, but it's actually hard doing things one-handed", he says, and she rolls her eyes, grateful that his tone is playful, not whiny.

"But you're so good at doing them", Emma says in an exaggerated cartoon character voice, smiling when he chuckles. "And you can always ask me for help."

It comes out softer and more heartfelt than she had wanted it to, but Killian pretends not to notice and gives her a wry smile.

"I only have three questions left; I'm not going to trade them off", he tells her softly and as if to prove a point deftly opens his water bottle with his teeth.

Emma rolls her eyes again and ignores the sense of anticipation she feels at the prospect of finding out what the rest of his questions are going to be about.

After all, he wouldn't want to find out things about her if he didn't at least like her, right?

_Right?_

* * *

**Review?**


	9. Connect

**This chaper is pretty angsty, but Emma and Killian are getting closer, and there's a cutesy ending too; I hope you like it. Thank you for all the feedback, I never even dreamed you would like this story so much! Enjoy!**

* * *

Killian wakes Emma up for the third time on the same night with his nightmares and she decides it's time they talked about them; she'd been driving for days and she's tired, and he keeps calling Milah's name in a broken voice she had never heard him use when he's awake.

"Killian, wake up!" Emma says and shakes him none too gently, then feels guilty because his eyes snap open and he looks around with wide, frightened eyes, shaking under her hand on his shoulder. "You have to talk about it if you want it to go away."

"Go back to sleep", he tells her sharply and sits against the headboard, drawing shaky breaths and avoiding her eyes.

"Not this time, buddy", Emma says and sits cross-legged next to him, yawning and resting her cheek on her hand.

"Lass, please, just leave it", he changes tactic, going for a pleading tone that made her let it go a dozen times before, but she'd had enough.

"Just tell me what you're dreaming about, and then maybe you'll stop."

"I don't want to stop!" He yells at her and shoves the blanket away so he can get out of bed and stalk off.

Emma gapes after him as he slams the door of the bathroom and then sits in stunned silence trying to figure out why the hell would he want to keep having nightmares every night.

Minutes pass but Killian doesn't come out of the bathroom and she's sleepy and cold, so she snuggles under his blanket and decides to just stay there until he returns; sleep overtakes her easily, and when the morning sun wakes her up Killian is looking at her, lying on his side in her bed.

"Good morning", he murmurs, and Emma rubs sleep out of her eyes and bunches his pillow more comfortably under her head.

"Morning", she says and waits patiently in case he wants to talk to her without her prompting him.

Obviously not.

"Why don't you want the nightmares to stop?"

"Not this again", he says and rolls on his back, closing his eyes and covering them with his forearm.

"Why do you always have to be so dramatic? Just tell me", Emma says and throws the pillow at him when he doesn't respond; it bounces off his arm and lands on his stomach, and he throws it back at her without even turning his head.

"Why is it so important to you?" He finally asks her with a resigned sigh and she sits up, hugging his pillow and looking at him steadily, feeling pretty pleased with herself for finally getting him to talk. "Milah died exactly a month ago."

Emma bites her lip and tells him she's sorry.

"Why are you sorry, lass? You're not the one who killed her, and you're not the reason she's dead", he says and Emma throws caution to the wind and tells him exactly why.

"I'm sorry because it causes you pain", she says and hopes to God he doesn't make more of it than it is.

Killian gives her a half smile that makes her feel like a foolish schoolgirl, but thankfully, he doesn't comment on it.

"The reason I welcome those nightmares is because sometimes I can't remember the exact color of her eyes, and I'm afraid that I'll forget her altogether if I don't keep seeing her", he says and Emma bites her lip, trying not to say what's on her mind because his tone lets her know he wants her to leave it, but ends up saying it anyway.

"But it's a nightmare."

"It is", he says softly and she waits, hoping that he recognizes her silence as encouragement to continue. "And it's always the same, like a movie of the last five minutes of Milah's life. She's talking to Rumplestiltskin, and it seems he's going to let us go in exchange for the magic bean… I don't know how we could have been so stupid to believe him."

Emma doesn't say anything because now is not the time to tell him that magic beans don't exist.

"He asked her how could she leave her son, and her answer made him lose it; he tied me to the mast and took her heart out of her chest."

"Jesus Christ", Emma exclaims, and Killian shakes his head sadly, his eyes clouded as if he can see it all again in his mind.

"Losing your heart like that isn't fatal in our land; you just lose your free will, but I could see in that demon's eyes that he didn't intend to ever give her back her heart… He intended to kill her, and no matter how much I struggled, I couldn't break free from the ropes", he says, and there's so much anguish and desperation in his voice that she wants to tell him to stop, but people always say that a burden is easier to bear when you share it with somebody, and she wants to test that theory because she has a lot of burdens of her own that she might try sharing with him.

"What did he do?"

"He crushed her heart in his hand and released me just in time to catch her in my arms as she fell", Killian says and Emma wipes away her silent tears, glad that he's staring off into the distance and not really seeing her. "She told me she loved me, and then she died."

Emma is desperately hunting for something to say, but everything seems hollow and inadequate.

"She was the only one who ever loved me", Killian whispers and finally looks at Emma, and she hopes he can't see the tracks of her tears.

"Somebody's gonna love you again", she tells him, and it's not just empty words because she could be that person someday if he lets her.

"What do you know about love?" He asks her, and his tone chills her to the bone; she tries telling herself that he's not really angry at her, but it doesn't take the sting out of his words.

"You're right. I don't know anything about love", she says and he looks regretful, but she just keeps talking. "I know how the absence of love feels because nobody had ever loved me. At least you had Milah. At least you know what being loved feels like."

He's silent for a moment, then he says the absolute worst thing.

"You're such a beautiful lass… I'm sure a lot of lads fought for your affections before I showed up."

He makes it sound like it's her fault for not letting them love her.

"Oh they did pursue me, but all they ever wanted was to get into my pants. I learned that the hard way", Emma says icily, and she hopes he won't try to apologize because she feels like punching him as it is.

He just looks confused.

"Oh for fuck's sake, Killian! They wanted to have sex with me, do the nasty, bang me and leave me. They never wanted to be with me because they didn't want to bring me home and introduce me to their parents", she says and then attempts her best teenage boy impersonation, "this is Emma Swan, and you don't know her parents because they abandoned her on the side of the road when she was just a baby."

This conversation was supposed to be about him and somehow she ended up talking about her past; now she wants to take it all back or make him forget everything she had said.

"Emma, I'm sorry-"

"No! I'm sorry I said anything", Emma says and it's her turn to go into the bathroom and slam the door. She doesn't want to cry because she had cried over those heartbreaks enough, but this is the first time she told anybody about them and she can't help herself.

Killian doesn't even knock, doesn't give her the chance to tell him to go to Hell; he just comes in and draws her into a tentative embrace, one she only has to step out of is she wants.

But she doesn't.

She doesn't want him to let her go, and as soon as she wraps her arms around his waist and presses her face against his shoulder his embrace grows stronger, his hand rubbing up and down her back as she tells him how she'd always been alone, how boys in the orphanage tolerated her because she was good at patching them up but never invited her to play with them, how the girls always hated her for no reason at all, how high school was even worse until she finally met a boy who seemed to have genuinely liked her until she slept with him in the back seat of his dad's car, and then he dropped her off home and she could tell that he'd never call her again.

"You know what the worst part was? I made that same mistake again and again, telling myself that maybe the next guy won't be the same, but I never found one who actually wanted to be with me", Emma says, hating herself for being so whiny when Killian had been through so much worse, but unable to stop the words from spilling from her mouth.

"Those were just stupid boys, lass. It's not your fault, and it has nothing to do with you being an orphan", Killian tells her softly and Emma sniffles, then asks him how can he be so sure. "Because I'm an orphan too, and Milah loved me."

"You are?" Emma asks softly, tilting her head back to look at him, and he just nods, brushing away her tears and looking at her the way nobody had ever looked at her before.

Like she's worth something.

"You will be loved", he tells her firmly and Emma hides her hopeful smile against his chest.

She only wants to be loved by him.

* * *

Emma has a bad feeling about New Orleans that she can't really explain, so she takes a detour, driving to Galveston so Killian can see the ocean again. She doesn't tell him where she's taking him, and he sort of ceases when he looks out his window and there's all that endless blue, stretching out to the horizon and beyond.

"Killian?" Emma says his name fearfully, afraid that she'd blown it, that the ocean is the last place he wants to be, but then he looks at her and smiles in a way he never did before, his eyes coming alive, his teeth flashing while before he turns back to the window.

"Can we get closer?" He asks her, his hand on the door handle as if he means to jump out the second she parks the car.

"Sure", Emma says, congratulating herself for getting him exactly where he wanted to go without him ever telling her.

She parks the car near the pier and then has to jog to catch up with his longer steps, watching his face as he squints in the sun, only stopping when he reaches the edge of the pier and leans against the rail.

"I always wanted to live near the beach", Emma tells him, and he gives her a smile when her hair dances in the breeze and caresses his cheek, brushing the long strand behind her ear gently, his eyes locking on hers for a moment before he goes back to watching the horizon.

"I had spent the majority of my life at sea", Killian says and she realizes that she wants to know everything about him, just like she wants to tell him everything about herself.

He's still got three questions left but she doubts he's going to need them.

"I should've gone along the coastline sooner", Emma murmurs but Killian is acting as if he'd never thought he'd see the ocean again, grateful that she'd shown it to him when he least expected it.

"We're here now", he says and they stay on that pier for a long time; he tells her about storms he'd weathered and calm sea he'd crossed, and the more he talks the more she falls in love, the more she believes that he is a sailor, if not a pirate.

It doesn't matter either way; someday soon she's going to love him regardless of who he is.

* * *

**Review?**


	10. Where the Magic Is

**Here we go, progress and Killian's POV; I hope you like it! Thank you for all the feedback; it makes me so happy that you're enjoying this AU. Also, yes, this story is finished; there are 15 chapters plus the epilogue left.  
**

* * *

New Orleans is overwhelming, with so many foreign sights and smells, languages she'd never heard and a staggering amount of people out on the streets despite the fact that it's well past midnight.

"You okay, lass?" Killian asks her and she nods, surprised that he seems to be so comfortable now when he'd been holding her hand just because they went to the mall a few weeks ago.

"I've never been to a carnival before", she tells him and curses under her breath when some guy almost knocks her over in his haste to get wherever he's going.

"Neither have I", Killian says and wraps his arm around her to keep her out of the path of two more pushers, and she leans into him gratefully.

"To be honest, I expected you to be a little bit more bewildered", Emma says, and he chuckles, looking around before he returns his ocean gaze to her.

"This is what a port looks like when a few merchant ships drop anchor", he tells her and Emma gives him a doubtful look. "What?"

"I always imagined pirates counting their gold on some deserted island and never really mixing with the people they stole from at sea", she says and he laughs, then tells her than there's a lot about pirates she still has to learn.

Now that they are here, Emma doesn't really know what to do, because it seems ridiculous that magic is real and that they are just going to stumble over somebody who knows how to open a portal, and even if they did, then what? He'd go to Neverland, and she'd be alone, and that's something she never wants to be again.

Killian doesn't seem to have a care in the world, his sharp eyes taking everything in while Emma busies herself with pick-pocketing and stealing a few knick-knacks from the booths lining the sidewalk.

"Killian, look-", she turns around and looks around in panic because he's nowhere to be seen. "Killian?"

The crowd is thick and even when she stands on her tiptoes she can't see him anywhere, so she finds an empty stand and climbs on top of it, looking left and right and trying to spot his dark leather jacket in a sea of color.

She can't find him.

Killian is gone.

* * *

Killian curses himself for letting his guard down and struggles against whoever is dragging him backward into a dark alley, throwing a punch as soon as the man lets him go and walking off.

"Hey, wait", the stranger yells after him, but Killian is already at the opening of the alley, trying to find Emma and wishing she could have kept her blonde hair because it seems like every woman on this street is a brunette. "It's about Emma."

Killian turns back around and stalks toward the bearded man who's gingerly touching his split lip, wishing he had his hook with him as soon as he pins him to the wall and realizes that he's got nothing to threaten him with.

"What about Emma?" Killian growls and hopes that the punch is still ringing in the stranger's head and that he doesn't notice that he's got a stump jabbed in his ribs, not a pistol.

"Do you care about her?" The stranger asks him and Killian hesitates a moment, but it's a moment too long. "Good, then you're gonna do the right thing."

"I'm the one asking questions", Killian tells him and tightens his grip on the man's neck. "Who are you and what do you want with Emma?"

"My name is August Booth, but back in Enchanted Forest I was known as Pinokio", Booth says and suddenly twists away, clocking Killian in the jaw and looking at his stump pointedly. "Should've brought your hook, Jones."

"How do you know my name?" Killian asks, wincing when he touches his bruised jaw.

"How are you even here? You should've been in Neverland by now", Booth says and Killian steps toward him menacingly, ready for a fight. "You know what? It doesn't matter. I can help you get there, if you do something for me."

Killian freezes, the prospect of getting to Neverland making him tread carefully even as a part of him refuses to even contemplate leaving Emma.

"What do you want?"

"I want you to come with me, take the bean I'll give you and leave without telling Emma goodbye; she's got a destiny she has to fulfill, and you're distracting her from her path… you two have already messed up things that may never be fixed again."

"I'm not leaving her", Killian says, realizing in that moment that his priorities have shifted without him even noticing; yes, he still wants to avenge Milah and skin the crocodile, yes, he wants to go back to Neverland to learn how to do that, but he also can't bear the thought of leaving Emma behind without an explanation.

He can't bear the thought of leaving her, period, and he will not make her collateral damage of his vengeance.

"If you care for her, you're going to go and let her do what she was born to do", Booth says and Killian rises his eyebrow, ignoring the void in his stomach at the prospect of letting Milah down for Emma's sake.

"And what is that?"

"There's a town in Maine called Storybrooke, and trapped inside its borders are Emma's parents and about a thousand other people from Enchanted Forest; none of them remember who they were, and she's supposed to go there and break their curse", Booth says and Killian nods to himself and turns around, deciding to just go back to the car and wait for Emma there because it would be pretty much impossible to find her around here. "What are you-"

"Sorry, mate. I'm not leaving the lass alone; I'll get her to Storybrooke", Killian mutters without turning around, already trying to figure out what is he going to tell Emma.

"Getting her there isn't enough", Booth says and Killian's steps falter.

He really misses his sword.

"How does she break the curse?" Killian asks and turns around, fully expecting some terrible price needing to be paid first and already knowing he'll rather pay it himself than let Emma do it.

"She has to believe that the fairy-tale characters are real, that her mother is Snow White and that her father is prince Charming. She has to believe she's a princess they had put into a magical wardrobe so she can come break their curse when she's twenty-eight", Booth says and Killian curses under his breath because he can't even get Emma to believe him, so how is he supposed to convince her that an entire town is filled with people hailing from the same place he does?

Not to mention the part about her being a princess.

"I'll help her believe", Killian says with more conviction than he feels, but Booth still gives him a skeptic look.

"How do you intend to do that?"

"I don't know, but you can forget about me leaving her… are you two-", Killian starts to ask, not even knowing why he's bothering, why is it so important for him to know.

"No!" Booth exclaims vehemently, and Killian tries to pretend he's not relieved.

Why would he be relieved?

"We were in the same orphanage, and I was supposed to look after her, but this world is full of temptation and I lost sight of my mission", Booth says and Killian knows exactly how that feels.

He just doesn't care at the moment.

"I'll get her to Storybrooke, and I'll make her believe", Killian tells him and walks away without waiting for Booth's blessing because he'd wasted enough time.

He's got a Swan to find.

* * *

Emma walks around aimlessly, people pushing her this way and that, but she keeps going forward without really having any real goal in mind; all she knows is that she had lost Killian, and chances of finding him among so many people are worse than slim.

And then it occurs to her that maybe she didn't lose him, that maybe he found what he was looking for and took off, leaving her behind without a second glance, just the way everybody else always did.

"He wouldn't", Emma tells herself, her heart battling with her mind as she keeps going. "You don't even know if Killian is really his name."

He didn't have any IDs on him when she found him, he keeps claiming to be a pirate from another world, and yet everything inside her is rebelling at the notion that he would just abandon her; she knows it's stupid that she trust him, but she does.

She believes in him because delusional or not, he's the only person to come back for her.

Hope springs up inside her and she turns back the way she came, fighting against the current of people and going to the parking lot where they'd left the car, her gut telling her that it's the place where he's going to be waiting for her.

And when she reaches the parking lot, she sees that she'd been right; Killian is leaning against the hood of her Golf, watching the road until he notices her coming closer, his smile warming her up inside.

Emma knows that nothing is different between them, that she had put herself through hell when she could've just stopped and thought for a second instead of imagining worst case scenarios, but she still feels happier than she ever had when she runs at him and wraps her arms around him, her heart slamming against her ribcage almost painfully.

"Lass, what-", he starts to say, then trails off, holding her close and pressing his face against her neck, understanding everything just from the desperation with which she clings to him. "I didn't leave you."

"I know, I just panicked a little", Emma tells him but keeps holding on a little bit longer, inhaling his scent and feeling beyond grateful that he's not pushing her away and telling her that she's being silly.

"I ran into your friend", he says and Emma pulls back to finally look at him, for the first time noticing the purple bruise on the side of his jaw.

"I don't have friends, remember? Why did he hit you?" Emma asks and gently skims her fingers over his smooth skin, acutely aware how close they are and the fact that he's still not pulling away.

"August Booth? He said you were together in the orphanage", Killian says and catches her wrist when she keeps prodding his bruise. "I'm fine, and he looks worse."

"I don't know anybody named August", Emma tells him, then cautiously rests her hands on his shoulders, waiting to see if he deems it inappropriate and makes her let go.

He gives her a wry smile and rests his hand and stump on her waist so lightly she can barely feel the pressure.

"Well he knows you, and I know where we should go next", Killian says and Emma grins, encouraging him to continue. "Storybrooke, Maine."

"Silly name. What's there?" She asks playfully, ready to go to the ends of the earth if he keeps holding her like this.

"Your parents", he says and Emma shakes her head because she must've heard him wrong. "There was a curse that brought everybody here from the Enchanted Forest, and your parents put you into a magical wardrobe because you're the only one who can break it and make them remember who they are. You're a princess, Emma, and you were never abandoned."

Killian is talking quickly because he's rightfully afraid she'd tell him to stop with the nonsense before he's done.

"I know you don't believe that I'm a pirate, and I know you won't believe this", he tells her before she can open her mouth, his arms closing around her so she can't go anywhere, and it weakens her resolve to call him out for being crazy.

"Then why are you telling me everything?"

"Because someday you're going to believe, and I don't want you to remember me tricking you into going to Storybrooke", he says and she lets him continue. "August wanted me to leave you, because apparently it's your destiny to get there by your twenty-eight birthday anyway, but I told him to shove it."

"Why?" Emma whispers, her eyes finding his as she waits for him to answer.

"Because I promised you I wouldn't leave you", he says and she gives him a sad smile, desperately trying to hide her disappointment. "And because I realized that I don't want to go anywhere without you."

Emma knows that this is a huge step for him, and while it doesn't mean he's over Milah, it gives her hope that someday he might, and when he does, he wants her to be there.

"Will you go to Storybrooke with me, lass?" He asks her, his fingers brushing a lock of hair behind her ear so she can't hide behind it, and Emma finds that there's just one answer she can give him.

And that answer is yes.

* * *

**Review?**


	11. Evolution

**Thank you for reading this story and leaving such lovely reviews, and I hope you're going to enjoy Emma and Killian getting closer, even if it's angsty. Also, even though they are on the way to Storybrooke, it'll take them a while to get there. ;)  
**

* * *

Emma is trying to teach Killian how to drive her car.

"The clutch!" She exclaims for the third time this morning and the car promptly dies.

Killian just looks more determined to figure it out, and she hides a smile against her shoulder.

The car stalls again.

"That's it", Killian says and gets out, then leans down to look at her through the driver's side window. "Park it on the side of the road."

"Why?" She asks and he just gives her a look as if saying "trust me", so Emma does as he asks, curious to see what he's going to do.

"Now… let's see what's under here", Killian says and opens the hood, while Emma leans against the side of the car next to him and watches him frown and grumble to himself.

"What are you trying to do? Figure out how a car works?" She asks with an amused chuckle but Killian is too busy to pay attention to her teasing. "Oh come on! You still can't grasp the concept of electricity!"

"I'm sorry to say this, lass, but you aren't exactly all that clear on it either", he tells her and gingerly moves aside the cables so he can look deeper.

"You're ridiculous."

"This world is ridiculous, and you were the one who insisted on teaching me", he tells her patiently, and Emma rolls her eyes but decides to let him play.

"Just don't break anything", she says and goes back to sit in the car, tinkering with the radio until she goes back to the station they were listening to last time.

IT turned out that Storybrooke isn't on any map, but he firmly believes that it's somewhere along Maine's coast and since Emma doesn't really have any ideas where she wants to go beyond the "running away" bit, she doesn't try to reason with him; he didn't leave her, and she doesn't care where they are going as long as he stays with her.

"Can you hand me one of those portable light things? He asks and Emma reaches into the glove compartment and gets out to find him lying on the ground, getting ready to slide under the car.

"Here's the flashlight", she says and he takes it, shoots her a wink and then disappears under for about fifteen minutes while Emma walks up and down the side of the road, slowly losing her patience.

"Emma? Can you start it? Just don't run me over, okay?" He asks and Emma huffs, wondering why the hell is she even doing this.

"Okay, let's try it again", he says a few minutes later, switching off the flashlight and tilting his head toward the passenger seat.

"So did you figure it out?" Emma asks when he turns the key in the ignition and eases the car forward, carefully turns the wheel and gets them back on the road.

"It's not as complicated as you made it seem", he tells her and shifts the gears, and she's more than a little impressed.

"You probably just remembered how to drive it", she says and relaxes in her seat, glad that she won't be the one driving all the time anymore.

"The only wheel I've ever been behind before is the Jolly's, but she doesn't have anything in common with cars; she's much more complicated… God I miss her", he says and she'd make fun of him for referring to an imaginary boat as a "she" if there wasn't for such longing in his voice.

"I've never been on a boat", Emma says and leans over to correct their course because he's too busy looking at her. "What? I know that there's a plenty river boats in Portland, but I was too busy trying to survive to ever bother sneaking on one for a ride."

"I think you would like sailing", he tells her and when he shifts his eyes back on the road it's hard to believe that he'd been so bad at driving just an hour ago.

"I don't really like getting soaking wet", Emma says and Killian shakes his head, telling her that she needs to stop believing everything she sees in movies. "I believe in the things I've seen, because words are just words."

"Then someday I'll take you on a ship and teach you how to sail", he tells her and it's really hard for Emma to pretend that he's not getting to her.

"Just watch the road", she says and looks at Killian out of the corner of her eye to find him smirking to himself.

Sometimes she wishes she wasn't such an open book to him.

* * *

Since Emma isn't about to let Killian drive on the interstate after a day of driving experience, and he seems in a lot of hurry to get to Storybrooke, she ends up spending thirteen hours driving with just an occasional bathroom break before she checks them into a motel.

She's asleep before Killian comes back with their dinner.

When she wakes up, at first she's not sure why because it's still dark outside and she's still woozy.

"Emma", Killian calls her name the same way he'd been calling Milah's every night for over a month, and Emma is at a loss. "Please not her."

Emma flicks on the lamp and kneels beside Killian's bed, hesitating with her hand above his shoulder because she wants to be sure that she had heard him right.

Killian yells her name and wakes himself up, his eyes finding hers the second he opens them, relief written all over his face when he realizes that whatever he'd seen was just a bad dream.

"What are you doing, Swan? Go back to bed" He asks her and slowly sits up on the edge of the bed, his elbows resting on his knees as he stares at the floor.

"You were dreaming about me", Emma says, sitting on the bed next to him, her hand hovering in the air behind him before she slowly lays it on his back.

Killian freezes under her touch, but he doesn't move away, and Emma applies a little bit more pressure, hoping that her touch is going to make him open up to her instead of shying away.

"Killian-", she tries again and it's like her voice shatters the spell and he gets up, her hand falling to her side as she watches him put his shoes on and shrug on his jacket. "Where are you going?"

"I need to think", he says sharply when she gets up and makes a move to come after him, and Emma bites her lips and tries to pretend she doesn't care where he's going and even if he's going to come back.

"Fine", she says and gets back into her bed, her back turned on him because she can't watch him go when there's a chance he won't come back.

"Swan, I-"

"I don't care", she says and closes her eyes, huddling deeper under her blanket.

"I will return", he says softly and then the door clicks shut and he's gone.

Emma finds that she can't fall asleep, turning from side to side and fighting with her pillow until the door opens again and he sneaks back in; she feigns sleep, hoping he won't mention his little night excursion in the morning if it seems like she wasn't affected by it.

The bed creaks when he sits down next to her, and even years of experience with pretending to be asleep after lights out when she was actually reading under her blanket are almost not enough to help her breath evenly when he sifts his fingers through her hair, sparks dancing down her spine at his touch.

"I destroy everything I touch, lass", he murmurs and her heart is beating so fast and so hard that she's fairly certain he can hear it, but she still attempts to keep breathing regularly, hoping he'll keep talking and show her what's in his head and his heart. "I would never forgive myself if I ruined somebody as pure as you."

Emma wants to laugh because she's as far from pure as a person can get, but she doesn't want him to know that she had heard him.

"There's no happy ending with me", he says sadly and brushes his knuckles against her cheek, and when he gets up she expects him to walk out, but he just switches off the lamp she had left on and settles into his own bed.

Emma lies in the dark and breathes in and out, telling herself that this is a good thing, that the fact that he's questioning their relationship even though Milah is still haunting him means that he must really like Emma, but something tells her that he's too hurt and too stubborn to give in to his feelings.

The thing is, Emma can be stubborn too, and his heartfelt admission had given her hope that they can progress from travel companions to something more.

For now, it's enough for her that they are together.

* * *

Morning light makes Emma wonder if she'd only dreamt the affection in Killian's voice when he had thought she was asleep, and her deeply ingrained cautiousness makes her keep her mouth shut; she can't quite meet Killian's eyes, and since he doesn't seem in the mood to talk either, he doesn't even suspect that she had heard him.

Emma can't help herself, looking at him secretly as he busies himself with packing their few belongings before they depart from the motel, and it's like she sees him for the first time; he carries himself different than anybody she'd ever met, and even though he looks incredibly good in jeans and a T-shirt, she realizes that the red waistcoat, leather pants and the long coat are somehow more him.

His missing hand is just an afterthought and she wonders if he's ever going to feel comfortable enough around her to leave it uncovered because she knows for a fact that the bandage is there just to hide his scars.

She wishes she was more adept at keeping her stomach in check when she patched him up back in Portland.

"Ready, lass?" He asks softly and looks around the room once more to make sure they hadn't forgotten anything and Emma smiles, walking past him and catching his hand in hers so she can lead him out; the fact that he lets her tells her everything she needs to know.

He's as far gone as she is.

* * *

"Ready for question number three?" Killian asks her after almost an hour of uncomfortable silence and Emma shakes her head and shoots him a sideways glance.

"Nice try. It's number four", she tells him and he smirks to himself as if he'd been expecting to get busted.

"You can't fault me for trying", he says and Emma rolls her eyes good-naturedly.

"Fire away."

"What?"

"Ask me the question."

"You said your parents left you by the side of the road… Did the person who found you take you in?" He asks, and Emma wishes she could tell him to shut up, but they had made a bet and she lost, so she has to answer.

"No", she says, gripping the wheel tightly and staring straight ahead.

"Then who did?"

"Nobody did", she tells him, pressing her lips into a thin line and wishing she could find the courage to ask him questions; she doesn't because she's too afraid he won't answer.

"Emma… did you grow up in the street?" He asks, and she decides to tell him everything, how she ended up in an orphanage and how a family took her in when she was three, but then they had their own kid and sent her back. She tells him how nobody ever come for her and how she almost ran off when she was sixteen but one of the carers convinced her to stay in the orphanage for two more years before she tries to make it on her own.

She tells him how she used those two years to learn all about petty theft from a bunch of older boys who made sure she paid well for every bit of knowledge they imprinted on her.

"Stop the car, sweetheart", Killian tells her softly and it's only then that she realizes she's crying.

"No, I'm fine, I'll-"

"No, you're not", he says and turns sideways so he can cover her hand on the gear shift; she takes in a deep breath and parks on the side of the road.

Emma wipes away her tears and sits up straight, but although she can feel his gaze on her just like she still feels his hand on hers, she can't find the strength to look at him.

He doesn't ask her to; instead, he slips his thumb under her hand and lifts it to his lips, pressing a kiss in the center of her palm.

"You are a marvel, lass", he tells her and when she turns her eyes and finally meets his blue eyes, it's impossible not to believe him.

"You don't have any questions left", she says softly, but he just smiles and puts her hand back on the gear shift.

"I hope that soon you'll trust me enough to talk to me even without them", Killian tells her and she had never felt a loss greater than when he lets go of her hand and rests his own against his knee.

She doesn't tell him that she trusts him already; otherwise she never would've answered him what he had asked her today.

* * *

**Review?**


	12. Sanctuary

**As always, thanks for all the feedback, and I hope you enjoy the fluff and the feels of this chapter.**

* * *

Emma is ordering coffee to go for Killian and hot chocolate for herself when a cop walks into the coffee shop, gives her a long hard look and walks right out. She doesn't waste time waiting for the drinks, just goes out and makes a circle around the block to make sure he's not following her.

"Where's the coffee?" Killian asks when she slides into the driver's seat and starts the car, trying to drive carefully and not too fast, her hands shaking on the wheel. "Lass?"

"I think a cop recognized me", she says and heads toward the interstate, glancing at the map spread on Killian's lap. "Find me a small town away from any major highways; we need to lay low."

"But-", Killian tries to argue and she shoots him a warning look because now is not the time for him to tell her that they would be safe in a town that doesn't exist.

"It won't be permanent", she says and watches the road ahead and behind her for any sign of a police car, sweat running down her spine despite the fact that it's cold and wet outside and she was freezing just a few minutes ago.

Killian is watching her closely and she must be looking pretty spooked because he doesn't make her think it through, just focuses his attention on the map and does as she had told him.

It's one of the many things she likes about him, because he's there when she needs him and always supports her because he trusts her and believes that she can make a good decision even under pressure.

Six hours later they roll into a town in Pennsylvania, population four hundred ninety; there isn't a motel as such, just some old granny lending out her spare room to those rare people passing through it because they've gotten lost on their way to somewhere else.

"You two married?" Mrs. Walker asks, squinting at them and it's pretty clear that she'd prefer it if they were.

"Betrothed", Killian supplies quickly and lazily wraps his arm around Emma's waist, and she wonders if he can feel how perfectly she fits against him because it's painfully obvious to her; it feels like they are two puzzle pieces finally coming together.

"I suppose you can have the room, then", Mrs. Walker says and when she leads them down the hallway Emma hides a smile against Killian's shoulder, feeling ten times better than she did this morning.

There's only one bed in the room.

* * *

"Which side do you want?" She asks Killian an hour later, turning from the window and trying to keep a straight face because she's equal amounts giddy and apprehensive.

"Maybe I should sleep in the armchair."

"You were the one who said we're betrothed", she reminds him gently and slips under the covers without waiting for his answer.

"The old bat wouldn't let us take the room otherwise, and it's too cold to sleep in the car", he says and glances at the armchair, then at Emma, then at the armchair again.

"I promise I won't steal all the covers", she says and uncovers his side of the bed.

He gives her a smile that makes her think that if she was cold, he'd give them to her, just like he'd given her his jacket.

She wishes he wouldn't smile at her like that, give her so much false hope because in a few hours he's going to wake her up calling somebody else's name.

Killian looks at the ceiling as if praying for guidance and then finally gets into bed, careful to stay on his side of it as he settles in. Emma does the same, laying on her side and looking at his profile until he turns his head to her and raises an eyebrow in question.

"I think this town is just the place for us", she tells him and closes her eyes before he can respond, but she would swear he mumbles: "me too."

* * *

The most amazing thing is, Killian doesn't wake her up because he's yelling Milah's name; he wakes her up because his arm had fallen asleep under the pressure of Emma's head, his voice soft, as if he'd rather bear the pain than wake her up. Emma opens her eyes and realizes that somehow she had ended up with her hand on his chest and her head on his shoulder, his arm around her and his hand resting on top of hers.

"I'm sorry", Emma says in a small voice when he slides his arm from under her gently and stretches it to the side.

"Nothing to be sorry for", he says and massages his shoulder with his hand, giving her an apologetic look. "This never used to happen to me."

Emma bites her lip and looks at him despite the fact that Milah is the last person she wants to discuss right now because it seems that Killian had enjoyed being that close to her as much as she did being close to him.

"I'm still sorry."

"Lass, it's not your fault. It's just this stupid arm", he says and glances at his stump before pulling Emma close again. "The arm still thinks there's a hand at the end of it."

"We call it phantom pain in this world", Emma says softly, lying perfectly still because she doesn't want him to wake up fully and stop holding her; it barely registers that it's the first time she had treated his delusion as something real.

"Accurate. I hope it goes away eventually, because I'd rather not spend the rest of my life with a ghost of a hand", he says and she turns her back on him, slowly rolling the sleeve of his henley up. "What are you doing?"

Emma doesn't say anything, just caresses his skin, trying to distract him from pain, her fingers wrapping around his forearm to keep him in place; he could easily twist away, but he doesn't.

"Emma", he says her name softly, and his tone is pleading, but she can't tell if he wants her to stop or keep doing what she's doing.

She doesn't stop.

His skin is smooth and warm, and she had never felt like this, never been so focused on another person, never cared enough to want to take somebody's pain away even if she gets nothing in return, or worse, even if she gets her heart broken for her efforts.

"Emma", he whispers again, rolling on his side so that his chest is pressed against her back, his nose in her hair when he tells her that she shouldn't touch him like this.

She leans down and presses her lips against the edge of the bandage, wishing she could heal him, wishing she could give him back his hand more than she had ever wanted anything else because she feels it might help him rest and stop thinking that revenging Milah is something he absolutely has to do.

The lights flicker and he jerks his arm away, making her apologize and attempt to crawl out of bed.

"Emma, don't… you helped!" He says quickly and she looks at him over her shoulder, frowning in confusion.

"I did?"

"It doesn't hurt anymore", he says, and he's looking at her with such awe she actually blushes. "In fact, it doesn't feel like my hand is there anymore."

"And that's a good thing?" She asks him hesitantly and sits cross-legged next to him, carefully wrapping her fingers around his stump, looking at him to gouge his reaction.

"It is", he tells her and doesn't try to pull away. "I think you're more than just a lost princess and pirate extraordinaire."

"I'm also a pretty good medic", she says and he chuckles, sits up and brushes her hair behind her shoulder.

"That too. But I was thinking about magic", he says and Emma scrunches her face because he's being ridiculous.

"Magic doesn't exist."

"Then how do you explain the fact that you kissed my arm and made my pain go away?" He asks and gives her a look that makes her duck her head and let her hair fall over her eyes because she's afraid he's going to see all her feelings written on her face. "What did you think about when you kissed my arm, lass?"

She can't speak, too stunned to move.

It's a coincidence, but it's a pretty freaky one.

"You're magical, darling", he tells her and for a brief moment she believes it too.

In the next, she convinces herself that it's just the power of suggestion, and that there's absolutely nothing special about her.

"Emma, look outside", Killian says and she'd find it a pretty lame way to change the subject if it wasn't for the fact that the world beyond the window is perfectly white.

They get out of bed and she pushes the curtain aside, unable to keep a grin pulling at her lips when she sees that there's at least 3 feet of snow covering the ground, and it's still falling, coming down in big white tufts that look like cotton candy.

Snow in Portland is rare, and she had never seen anything like this before; judging by Killian's face he hadn't either.

"So it doesn't snow in the Enchanted Forest?" She asks him and he gives her a curious look, as if he doesn't want to get his hopes up that she suddenly believes his story.

"It does, but I make it a point to not be there during winter; I prefer a storm out on the sea then a blizzard on land", he answers and she doesn't have the heart to call him delusional again; after all, he's not hurting anybody with his beliefs. "Can you drive in that?"

"No, you can't. We're going to have to wait for them to clear the road."

"Who's them?"

* * *

It turns out that in this town, there is no "them", no official snow removal service at all, and once the snow falls, the people who happen to be here just wait it out unless they want to leave their car behind and trek to the next town over to take a ride in the mail truck back to civilization.

"And how long might that be, pray tell?" Killian asks a member of the town council who had overheard them talking about leaving over breakfast in the only diner in town and invited himself to join them.

"Oh it could be months", Mr. Harris says, sipping his coffee and giving Emma a reassuring smile.

"Months?!" Killian exclaims and Emma nudges him with her shoulder to stop him from saying something that could get them in trouble; she's infinitely glad that they hadn't stolen a single thing since they've been here and even though she'd never admit it to Killian, she likes the idea of staying here.

"But don't worry, we can find both of you something to do in the meantime; you're not the first people who were forced to spend the winter, and most of the folks who had that happen to them actually enjoyed it."

"We can't stay here", Killian says as soon as Mr. Harris is out of earshot and Emma leans closer, making sure that nobody but him can hear her when she speaks.

"If we leave the car, we won't be able to get to Storybrooke without getting caught."

"We can steal another car."

"The cops would be all over us in less than a day; the Golf has all the necessary papers and nobody's looking for it."

"Bloody Hell", Killian mutters and taps his fingers on the table impatiently. "So we stay here and take up housekeeping."

"Storybrooke will still be there, if it's there at all", Emma tells him and ignores his comment because she's afraid he's going to realize that she's looking forward to staying if she says anything.

If they stay here, and keep sleeping in the same bed pretending to be "betrothed", then maybe by the time snow melts Killian is going to stop holding onto a ghost and acknowledge that he feels something for Emma too.

Maybe, if they stay here, she manages to convince him that it doesn't matter to her what he'd done, and that he could only ruin her if he refuses to at least try being with her.

"It's there, lass", Killian says, and they finish their breakfast in comfortable silence, each of them lost in their own thoughts.

* * *

**Review?**


	13. Playing House

**Thank you for all the feedback, as always, and I hope you enjoy this chapter despite the angsty undertones... next one is going to be pretty frustrating, for you and for Emma. **

* * *

Since they are going to attempt being upstanding citizens, Emma decides it's time they started acting like ones so she takes Killian to the only bar in town and tries to at least look open and friendly, smiling at people and laughing every time Killian makes a silly comment.

"What are you doing, Swan?" He asks her after their third round and she winks and crosses her legs; her calf ends up pressed against his knee but he doesn't even bat an eyelash.

"I'm blending in."

"You usually roll your eyes at me when something about this world confuses me, not laugh as if I've made a jest", he says and clinks his shot glass against hers before he downs his drink.

"They have to think we're together and they can't ever suspect we're bad news; me giggling covers both, so", Emma says and gives him a tight-lipped smile before she finishes her own shot.

"You can hold your liquor nicely, lass", he says and she taps the bar with her glass to get a refill, giving him a warning look.

"You better not be implying that women aren't supposed to", Emma tells him and Killian shakes his head, arranging her dark locks on her shoulder, a shiver running down her spine at the contact; she's very aware of the familiarity of that gesture, but she does her best to act nonchalant.

He's not supposed to know that she's enjoying their little charade.

"Far from it, darling", he says and for the thousandth time she wishes he didn't look at her this way.

What saves her from having to come up with a witty remark is some idiot breaking a bottle over another idiot's head and both she and Killian react on a instinct; Emma grabs the victim and plants herself in front of him to stop him from going after the other guy while Killian ducks the attacker's punch and traps his arm behind him, pushing him out of the bar to cool off.

Mr. Harris sidles up to Emma and gives her an appreciative look.

"You two make quite the team", he says and tells the waitress that the next round is on him.

Emma is a bit worried about Killian because she's not so sure he's not pummeling that guy out in the parking lot, but he comes in a minute later and sits back down, his arm wrapping around Emma's waist and making her lean against his thigh; she braces her hand on his knee and gives Mr. Harris an easy smile even though Killian is all she can think about.

He reaches around her for his drink and his lips graze her neck, goosebumps rising on her skin because all this seems too natural, too _real_.

It's easy to forget that he's just pretending, just like she should be.

"You know, Sheriff's looking for a couple more deputies because one of them had a heart attack last week and the other is drinking too much since his wife left him… I could put in a good word for you two, if you're sticking around", Mr. Harris says and Emma pinches Killian's leg before he can say anything, smiles at Mr. Harris and tells him that they are, and that they would love to help out. "Come by the station tomorrow morning, and we'll see what happens."

"We will, thank you", Emma says and nudges Killian because he's just sitting there in silence, looking extremely unhappy.

"Thank you", he finally says and Mr. Harris shuffles off. "Why the bloody hell did you agree to that? We can't be the ones to uphold law in this place!"

"Keep your voice down!" Emma shushes him and leans in to whisper against his ear. "It's the perfect cover, and in case there's a development in our case, we're gonna find out before it's too late."

"We don't know anything about keeping the order, Emma. We only know how to disrupt it", he tells her and it's hard to focus on what he's saying when he's so close, when his arm is around her and when she can smell his ocean scent every time she breathes.

"We just demonstrated that we can do it pretty well", Emma says and pulls back to look at him. "Although, I am a little surprised you didn't hurt that guy."

Killian scoffs, then shrugs and rubs her back almost absentmindedly.

"He was just a drunken fool, and you weren't in any danger."

"If we do the sheriffing gig, you can't kill people just because they try to come after me, you know that, right?" Emma asks with a faint smile and shakes his shoulders a little when he doesn't respond.

"You better pray that nobody tries to harm you", Killian says and stands up, finishes his drink and tells her he'll see her at home.

Home.

Such a simple word.

Such an easy way for him to break her.

* * *

Sheriff Brooks is a thin man with sharp eyes and a quick smile, but he barely glances at Killian's fake ID because he's much more concerned with the fact he's missing a hand.

"Don't get me wrong, Jones, from what Bob told me, you can take perfectly good care of yourself… I'm just wondering if you can look out for somebody else at the same time", the sheriff says and Emma is fairly certain that he doesn't miss the way Killian's eyes flicker to her. "I don't expect a lot of trouble this winter, just a few drunks and domestic disputes, but things have a way of escalating when you least expect it."

"I can handle it", Killian says and lifts his eyebrow in challenge, and Emma finds it amusing that he's much more enthusiastic about this job now when somebody is questioning his ability to do it.

"How about you, Emma?"

"I'm ready and willing, sir", Emma says and the sheriff waves it off.

"No need for titles. You can call me Max", he says and gets up, motioning for them to follow him. "Either of you shot a gun before?"

"My dad took me to target practice a few times", Emma lies smoothly, earning a long look from Killian that she ignores.

"Just point and shoot, right?" Killian says and Max chuckles.

"Let's hope you never have to", he says and shows them the armory, hands them each a gun and a uniform, them leaves them to change.

"People in this town are extremely trusting", Killian says offhandedly and takes off his shirt, and Emma can't believe he can be so oblivious to the effect he's having on her; it's either that or he just doesn't care.

"They don't have any reasons not to be", Emma tells him and turns around, quickly putting on the uniform; it's a little big on her but it's not too bad, and she actually likes how it makes her feel.

"Lucky us", Killian says and Emma turns around to find him fumbling with the buttons on his shirt, and even though her first instinct is to help him, she had found out weeks ago that it's better if she lets him figure it out on his own; he's not opposed to asking for help, but he hates it when she assumes he needs or wants it.

"So, the gun", Emma says once he's done and shows him how to put the safety on and off, how to chamber a round and eject the clip. "Please don't shoot anybody unless they are shooting at you."

"I'll do my best", he says solemnly and holsters the gun before he opens the door for her. "Let's do some sheriffing."

* * *

Their first shift ends up being spectacularly uneventful safe for driving an old man home as per sheriff Brooks' request.

"It wasn't such a bad way to spend the day", Killian says as they walk home, and Emma smiles to herself because all they did was drive a couple times around town, had coffee at the diner and sat at the station cataloguing the outdated archive.

"And we're getting paid for it", Emma agrees, huddling deeper into her jacket and wishing she had a cap because her ears are cold.

Killian glances at her and opens his mouth to say something, then chuckles and shakes his head.

"What?"

"I was about to suggest we went to steal you something warmer to wear than that leather jacket", he says and Emma smacks his shoulder.

"I can stick it out until the end of the week", she tells him and gratefully climbs the steps to Mrs. Walker's porch.

"Or you can wear your deputy jacket", he suggests and winks at her. "It suits you well."

"Maybe I will", Emma says and unlocks the door, leaving the keys in a bowl on the dresser and poking her head into the kitchen. "We're home."

"How was work?" Mrs. Walker asks and urges them to go wash their hands because dinner is almost ready before they can even respond to her question.

"I think she likes having us here", Killian says as they stand shoulder to shoulder in the bathroom, obeying Mrs. Walker's order because they know she won't let them into the kitchen otherwise.

"She's a lonely old lady; of course she likes it", Emma tells him and squeezes the soap dispenser when Killian tilts his head toward it.

"She told me this morning that I can kiss you in front of her, as long as there's no tongues involved", Killian says and Emma stares at her hands, trying to remember how to breathe. "I told her that you're not one for public displays of affection."

"Oh you did", she finally finds her voice, but she's still unable to look at him.

"I haven't kissed anybody since Milah, and when I do, it's going to mean something", he says and offers her his hand; Emma takes it and lets him lead her back to the kitchen, telling herself that he'd been talking in general terms, that she shouldn't be hoping for a kiss that may never come.

And yet she is.

* * *

Every evening Mrs. Walker goes to her room after the news are over, but Killian leaves his arm around Emma's shoulders even when she's gone. Emma tries not to dwell on it and starts surfing the channels, looking for something they would both enjoy; she likes action movies as much as he does but Killian is incredibly annoying with his running commentary of every fight, so she doesn't bother with those anymore.

"Oh my God!" Emma exclaims when she comes across Disney's Peter Pan just as the Darlings are taking flight from their window.

"What is that?"

"It's an animated movie", Emma says, trying to stifle a laugh because Killian is trying to figure it out and it's clear he really can't. "Every scene is composed of countless drawings one on top of the other. Here, look."

She takes an old magazine and draws a smiley face on the last page, making the smile smaller on the page before and so on before she's got enough and she can thumb through it to show Killian what she means.

"That's amazing!" He exclaims and she grins, fully aware how ridiculous it is that this is making her so happy.

"So did you ever meet Peter Pan?" She asks him and tilts her head back to look at him, and he frowns, still staring at the TV.

"I did. He's not very pleasant", Killian says and Emma turns her attention to the screen again.

"You're only saying that because you're Captain Hook", she says, wondering if she's making his delusion worse with conversations like this but finding it too tiring to keep telling him he's crazy.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"You'll see."

Once Disney's Hook graces the screen Killian sort of deflates, fuming in silence until the movie ends and Emma turns off the TV.

"If you've had your fun, I'm off to bed", he says and attempts to get up, but Emma catches his hand and makes him sit down again.

"You're nothing like him", Emma tells him softly, wishing he could see himself through her eyes because it's clear what's weighing him down; he thinks he's a failure because he's not closer to avenging Milah than he'd been when she died.

"We're equally incompetent", he says and confirms her suspicions, and it's hard to think of something to say when she doesn't believe in either fairy-tales or Killian's story.

It's not that she doesn't want to, she just can't.

"Revenge won't make you sleep easier", Emma finally says, entwining their fingers together and focusing on comparing their size and shape, praying that he doesn't make her let go.

"I sleep just fine… Didn't you notice, lass?" He asks and she looks up to find him looking at her with that rare, beautiful smile stretching his lips. "I haven't had a nightmare since we got here."

Since they started sleeping in the same bed, since she started finding her way into his arms every single night.

"Then why can't you let it go?" She asks him and he considers it for a moment, then gently pulls his hand from her grasp and stands up.

"Because I made a promise", he says and leaves her behind, rejecting her so easily and making her feel like a foolish girl who should know better by now.

There are no happy endings in this world.

* * *

**Review?**


	14. This Is Christmas

**So, this chapter is going to hurt a lot, so brace yourselves. Thank you for all the wonderful feedback, and enjoy!**

* * *

Emma opens her eyes and glances at the alarm clock, groaning when she realizes it's 7 a.m. and they don't have to go to work because it's Christmas Eve day; trying to explain to Killian what Christmas is and what it means proved nearly impossible so she guesses she'll just let him experience it for himself.

There's a party in the town hall tomorrow night and it seems that the entire town is going, so they might as well go too; they have blended in with the natives surprisingly well.

Killian is still asleep, his nose pressed against Emma's shoulder, his arm thrown over her carelessly, and she closes her eyes and basks in the moment; she tells herself there's nothing wrong with pretending that he is hers and that she is his, that this little room in this little town is a bubble separated from his past and her future, and that they can just be in it like this.

No matter how far apart they are when they go to bed, they always end up clinging to each other by morning light, and she can't help reading into it.

"What time is it?" Killian mumbles and rolls away, then sits on the edge of the bed and glances at her over his shoulder and gives her an apologetic smile.

"Too early to get up", she says but he does it anyway, gets dressed and goes outside to shovel snow until it's time for breakfast.

Emma watches him from the kitchen window and realizes that she had never wanted to be with somebody so much, and it's not just a physical need; she wants to be with him and stay with him for the rest of her life, and it scares her more than anything else ever did.

* * *

Mrs. Walker's nephew brings the Christmas tree and puts it in the corner of the living room for her, and she invites Emma and Killian to help her decorate it; she's got three boxes full of Christmas lights and another five of mish-mash ornaments, and Emma can't help getting excited.

Killian is amused, but soon her excitement starts affecting him too and Mrs. Walker sits on the couch and just lets them have fun; Emma decorates the lower and middle branches and then hands Killian one Christmas ball after another and points out the places she wants them at.

"I think there's too many red ones on this side", he says and Emma comes to stand beside him, her head tilted to the side in contemplation.

"Okay, you're right. But this one in there", Emma tells him and gives him the golden one next, holding out her hand for the one he's already got, but he juggles both of them and steps back to admire their work.

"Turn the lights on, dear", Mrs. Walker says and Emma kneels next to the tree and presses all three buttons at once, watching Killian's face; he's seen Christmas lights around town already, but he still gets this look of stunned awe on his face, and she wants to keep looking at it.

Killian holds out his hand and she takes it, smiling when he hauls her up to her feet without taking his eyes away from the tree.

"It's pretty", Emma says and he pulls her against his side, his hand resting on her hip; both of her arms are around his waist as she leans against him and watches him watching the tree.

The tree is pretty, but he is absolutely beautiful.

* * *

Killian comes out of the bathroom wearing jeans, a dress shirt and the red vest he had on when Emma had first seen him, and she's glad she bought the dress she did because he's too busy staring at her to realize that she's staring at him too.

"It's going to be really hard not to punch anybody tonight", Killian finally says and gives her a half-smile that makes her blood boil; he doesn't want to be with her, but apparently he's more than ready to keep everybody away from her.

"Let's go", Emma tells him and shrugs on her coat, carefully arranging her curls on her shoulders and giving him a wide berth on her way out the door.

He tries to talk to her during the short walk to town hall but Emma gives him one-syllable answers and by the time they get there the silence between them is as icy as the night.

They leave their coats at the entrance and Emma tells him to go get her a punch before she dives into the crowd to greet everybody; they've been here for less than a month, and it feels like home already, but there's still one thing missing, one last puzzle piece that she can do without but at the same time realizes that it would make everything better if it could just fall into its place.

The last puzzle piece is, of course, Killian, and she'd admire his loyalty to Milah's memory if it wasn't preventing her from getting her own happy ending.

Robert Michaels appears out of nowhere and hands her a glass of wine, and since Killian is still nowhere in sight Emma accepts it and takes a sip; ever since he came to the station because his dog disappeared and he needed help finding him, Robert made it pretty clear that he liked her and that he'd wait however long it takes for her to dump "her aloof boyfriend since she deserves somebody much better".

She can't say that she doesn't like Robert, and in some other life she may even have trusted him enough to do something about it, but she's too connected to Killian, too in love with him to do anything to jeopardize any chance she might have with him.

"Michaels", Killian says from behind them and Emma steps in front of him on an instinct because there's too much challenge in his voice for a Christmas party.

"Jones", Robert says mildly and gives Emma a smile before taking her wine and setting it on the table next to his. "You won't mind if Emma and I dance for a bit, won't you? Since you can't."

Killian clenches his jaw and Emma lays her palm on his chest to keep him from exploding.

"Who says I can't", Killian says and takes Emma's hand in his, leading her through the crowd toward the dance floor.

"You seemed very jealous."

"I'm not jealous."

"Keep telling yourself that, buddy."

Killian cuts across the dance floor and she realizes that he doesn't even intend to dance with her, so she digs in her heels until he turns around and gives her a quizzical look.

"You either dance with me or I go take Robert up on his offer", she tells him, her eyes narrowing because she's so close to causing a scene and it would be his fault if she did.

Killian wraps his arm around her waist and tells her that he only knows how to waltz, all her anger draining away at his uncertainty.

"Slow dancing is even easier", she says and leads his hand to her waist, then wraps her arms around his neck. "You just shift your weight from foot to foot."

Killian pulls her a little closer and she loses herself in his eyes, in the music and in this feeling that is too strong to be anything but love, and for three minutes they dance and look at each other, free of doubts and has beens, forgetting all the reasons why they shouldn't, just breathing and moving in sync.

"We're under a mistletoe", Emma says when the song ends and Killian looks up slowly, his eyebrows coming together in a confused frown.

"And?"

"And, it's a Christmas tradition to kiss when you're standing under the mistletoe", she tells him, holding her breath and already lining up all the reasons why he should kiss her in her head.

"I'm not going to make a spectacle of us just because people are starting to doubt that we're together", Killian says and brushes his knuckles against her cheek before he pulls away and leaves her standing in the middle of the dance floor, frozen and heartbroken.

* * *

Killian is talking to Max and Mr. Harris and Robert offers Emma another glass of wine, asking her if she's okay with enough concern in his voice to make her accept it.

She downs it in one gulp and sets it down, realizing that they are standing under the mistletoe when she turns back to Robert; she gives him a pointed look because she's tired of Killian's hesitation, tired of dealing with his pain, tired of false hope and of being with him when he's still with Milah in his head.

She tells herself that she doesn't need Killian Jones to love her because he's got more baggage than she does; he's delusional, horribly stubborn and, last but not least, he's only got one hand.

It makes her cringe inwardly because she doesn't really care about any of those things.

She's just heartbroken.

Robert doesn't hesitate or ask her if she's sure; he just wraps his arms around her and kisses her, his tongue slipping into her mouth without any preamble.

Emma tries kissing him back, and she can't tell if he's a bad kisser or if she just wants Killian be the one kissing her, but either way she feels like crying and starts pushing at his chest until he lets her go.

"I'm sorry, I have to go."

A minute later she's putting on her coat and blinking back tears as she descends the stairs and starts walking home, her arms crossed in front of her chest because she's incredibly cold.

She tells herself that it's not the guilt and desperation that are making her cry; it's the wind.

"Emma, wait!" Killian calls from behind her but she just keeps walking, wishing she couldn't still feel Robert's lips on hers, wishing that there was a way to wipe any trace of him from her body. "Lass, please, talk to me. Are you hurt?"

"I'm fine", Emma says and walks around him when he steps in her path and tries to make her look at him.

"Then why are you crying?" He demands and falls into step beside her, and even though she can feel him looking at her, she just keeps staring at her feet.

"It's none of your business! We're just two people going in the same direction, and when it turns out that Storybrooke doesn't exist, we won't even be that", she says and wipes her cheeks angrily, hating him for making her feel like this, for making her think that love was in her grasp when it was always just a falling star she never had a chance of catching.

"Is this about me refusing to kiss you?" He asks and steps into her way again, the look in his blue eyes so concerned it makes her blurt out the truth.

"It's about me kissing somebody else just to realize that I never again want to kiss anybody but you!" She yells at him, tears stinging her eyes because he had ruined her without ever really laying a hand on her.

"I'm sorry, Emma. I wish I could give you what you need", he tells her softly and brushes her tears away, his eyes pleading with her to understand.

"You can. You just don't want to", Emma says and still tilts her face into his hand, closing her eyes because she's so ashamed of how weak she is.

"I want to, lass. But you deserve the world, and I can't give it to you", he tells her and presses his lips against hers, his arms wrapping around her as she tangles her fingers in his hair and runs her tongue over his bottom lip, gently tugging on it until he opens his mouth and lets her deepen the kiss; she's burning bright and her heart is hammering in her chest, and she barely acknowledges sparks flying from an utility pole a little way up the street.

There are enough sparks flying between them to make this town run for a year.

"Happy Christmas, lass", Killian tells her and she opens her eyes dazedly, belatedly realizing that this was just her present.

Killian kissed her, and this kiss was both their first, and their last.

* * *

**Review?**


	15. I Just Need You

**Thank you for every lovely review you guys have left me so far; you're amazing! So, a little bit angst and a little bit progress in this chapter; I hope you enjoy. Also, this story is going to have a happy ending, don't worry; I don't know how to write a long fic and wnd it sad.  
**

* * *

Emma wakes up with a start, her stomach dropping when she remembers last night, a tear rolling down her cheek because Killian had stayed on the couch and it took her forever to fall asleep; the bed feels cold and empty and she still feels him on her lips, still feels his arms around her even though they had let her go hours ago.

"You just never learn", she tells herself, rolling on her stomach and ending up with her face pressed against the mattress where Killian's pillow should be, but there's still a hint of his scent caught in the sheet and then she's crying, her face crumpling at the injustice of it all; she had never wanted anybody, never needed anybody, and now that she had found the one that feels like the one for her, she can't have him.

The worst thing is, if she could do it all again, if she could go back and forget his eyes and his smile and his kiss, if she could delete the invisible tracks his fingers hand left on her cheek, she wouldn't.

Last night, for first time in her life, she had felt loved, and even if it was brief, she still wants to hold onto that, she still wants to store it safely in her memory and take it out from time to time when life gets her down.

A gentle hand lands on her shoulder and Emma freezes, feeling the mattress dip as Killian sits down next to her. Emma tries not to sniffle and turns her head away from him, quickly wiping her cheek and breathing through her nose as his hand rubs slow circles on her back.

"I'm sorry", he says, and even though she wants to turn around and look at him, she doesn't, staring at the chest of drawers next to the bed with eyes still blurry with tears.

"For kissing me or for refusing to do it more than once?" She asks him, her voice unnaturally calm considering the turmoil inside her.

"For causing you pain… that was never my intention", he says and Emma rolls on her back and pushes his hand away.

"I don't need you to do this. I've been alone all my life and I managed to get through all the heartbreaks without anybody cuddling me, especially not the person who had caused it", she tells him, her voice breaking because this heartbreak is different, and they both know it.

This heartbreak could've been avoided if he had kept his distance a little bit better, if he had stayed focused on Milah instead of letting himself get swept up in Emma.

If he had cared a little bit less for her.

"Do you see now? This is exactly the reason why we can't be together", he tells her softly and she closes her eyes, telling herself not to move, telling herself that it's no good because nothing she says is going to convince him to let go of that stupid notion that he'd be bad for her.

She knows that he'd be so good to her if he just lets himself fall, if he lets himself feel everything that he'd been denying.

"I just want you to be safe, lass. I want you to be happy and loved the way you deserve", he says and Emma sits up, then kneels on the bed next to him, her hand cupping his cheek and turning his head to the side until he's looking at her.

"I'm safe with you, and I'm happy even when we don't talk because you get me even when it's quiet. You made me feel loved with a single kiss, so just imagine what you could do if you stopped holding yourself back."

"Think about what you want, Emma, about _who_ you want", he says and closes his eyes, but he can't stop himself from leaning his face against her palm.

"It's too late for thinking", Emma tells him, trying to figure out what was the point of no return for her; if it was the night they first shared this bed, or the morning she first woke up in his arms, or maybe the day she decided to come back for him when he was in the hospital…

She doesn't believe in love at first sight, at fate or destiny or angels guiding your way, but she thinks it might have been the moment she asked him to stay quiet and he did even though he had no idea who she was, even though he had been in more pain than she had realized back then.

"Please, lass… I made a promise, and I can't give you what you need until I keep it", he says and Emma rests her forehead against his, tears rolling down her cheeks because Neverland doesn't exist and he's never going to be able to get his revenge.

"You're choosing a ghost over me", she whispers and he brings his hand up to brush his knuckles over her skin.

"I'm not worth your tears, darling."

"So what do we do now?"

"What do you want? I'll do everything."

"Except kiss me again."

"Except that", he says and Emma somehow finds the strength to pull away, to let him go and give him a brave smile.

"I wish I could tell you to go to Storybrooke without me and stay in this town, let Robert take me out for dinner and charm me enough so that I can convince myself that I don't miss you at all, but we both know that it won't happen", Emma says and presses her hand against his mouth to keep him quiet, than takes a deep breath before she goes on. "We're gonna stay here until the snow melts, and then we're gonna go back on the road until we either find Storybrooke of the law finds us."

"We're going to find it", he says when she removes her hand and relief flashes in his eyes before he stands up and starts for the door.

"Killian?"

He pauses with his hand on the door knob but doesn't turn to look at her.

"We can't sleep in this bed together anymore."

"I know, lass. I'll ask Mrs. Walker if I can sleep on the couch from now on."

And then he's gone, and she can't shake the feeling that he'd slipped through her fingers because she was not good enough, because he could never love her they way he had loved and still loves Milah.

She can't shake the feeling that she lost him because of who she is, and all the things she's not.

* * *

January passes in a sort of daze, and even though both she and Killian are trying really hard to get back to the place they were at before the Christmas party, it's not really working; she keeps catching him looking at her and she can't help smiling because despite everything, he's still here.

"Domestic dispute, Kellermans again", Max says and Killian tilts his head to the door, inviting Emma to follow him; she leaves her desk and he opens the door for her, which makes her have to brush past him on her way out and leaves her a little lightheaded.

She should be used to that by now, to the electricity jumping between them every time they touch, no matter how random or innocent it is, but she's not, and judging by the look on his face, neither is he.

"Let me talk this time, okay, lass?" Killian says as soon as Emma parks the patrol car in front of the house and they get out.

"Maybe we should just arrest him without trying to reason with him", Emma says offhandedly because Steve Kellerman is a drunk and a bully and he keeps abusing his family, but since he's doing it with words and not his fists, they can't really keep him in jail for that.

"Maybe", Killian agrees and knocks on the door loudly because Steve is shouting so loudly that it's doubtful he'd hear them otherwise. "Sheriff's department, open the door!"

Nobody answers, so Killian throws his shoulder against the door and forces it open, leading the way down the hall and to the living room, stopping dead in his tracks when he sees the scene in front of him.

Emma leans around him, her hand going to her gun even before her brain registers what she's seeing.

Mrs. Kellerman is aiming the hunting rifle at her husband and he's still yelling at her, swaying drunkenly on his feet, but obviously retaining enough common sense not to go near her.

"Mrs. Kellerman?" Emma says softly and the rifle goes off, the bullet only just missing Killian; he puts his arm out and pushes Emma behind him before he takes a hesitant step forward.

"Claire? You don't want to do this", Killian says and Mrs. Kellerman grips the rifle tighter, Emma's stomach dropping when she realizes it's not aimed at her husband anymore.

It's aimed at Killian now.

"He will never shut up unless I shut him up for good", she says and Emma can breathe again only when the rifle swivels back toward Mr. Kellerman.

"And then what, sweetheart? You're going to end up in prison, and your children are going to lose both of you", Killian says, taking another step toward her, his voice low and carefully measured; he's not judging her, he's just trying to help her.

The rifle lowers a fraction of an inch, and Killian comes a bit closer.

"Just give me the rifle, and we're going to figure out this mess without you having to shoot anybody", he says, and Mrs. Kellerman's eyes flash with anger.

"Like last time? You locked him up and the next day he was back home, meaner than ever to me and the kids!"

"You can file for a divorce, and get a restraining order against him", Emma supplies and Mrs. Kellerman laughs bitterly.

"Like he'd respect that."

"You wouldn't know what to do without me", Mr. Kellerman says and Emma decides that there's been enough of talking; it's a gamble, but she has faith that Mrs. Kellerman won't shoot her for punching the lights out of her husband.

So she does just that.

"Emma!" Killian exclaims and hastens to wrestle the rifle out of Mrs. Kellerman's hands.

It goes off again, and Emma feels a sharp pain in her side, her legs giving out so she ends up sitting on the floor and trying to breathe through the pain.

"Emma, lass, no", Killian says, falling on his knees next to her, his hand hovering over her side but not touching it, his arm going around her so she can lean against him.

"I'm fine", Emma tells him, then grits her teeth because it hurts like a son of a bitch, but not in a mortal danger kind of way.

"You're not fine, you got shot! Why didn't you stay back?" He asks her, his voice breaking, and it's only then that Emma realizes that he thinks she's going to die; his eyes are so desperate, caressing her face as if he's trying to commit every line to memory before she's gone.

She's not going anywhere.

"Killian, I'm fine. It just grazed me", Emma says and tugs her shirt out of her pants, wincing when she lifts it up to show him; the wound is barely bleeding and she's only going to need a couple of stitches at most.

"I called doctor Rogers, I am so sorry, oh God", Mrs. Kellerman says from behind Killian and his eyes darken, but Emma takes his hand in hers and tugs on it until he focuses on her again.

"I'm not dying", Emma whispers, and so many emotions cross over his face in a second before it settles on a look of relief.

"I can't lose you", he tells her, cradling her in his arms and releasing a long shuddering breath that breaks her heart and makes it fly at the same time because she is finally one hundred percent sure that he wants her too, that he's in love with her too, and the only thing holding him back are his past and that crazy notion that he's not good enough for her.

"You won't", she promises, realizing that she can wait, she can be with him and ask for nothing more because whatever is between them is only going to keep growing, and someday it's going to be stronger than a ghost in Killian's memory.

Someday, he's going to find a way to let go and break his promise to somebody long gone, and then she's going to convince him that not only is he right for her; he's also the only one.

* * *

**Review?**


	16. New York

**Thank you for all the wonderful feedback, and have a little fluff with a trace of angst... tomorrow's chapter is mostly just angst.**

* * *

After the shooting incident, Killian gets more distant, reminding her of the way he'd been that first week after she'd patched him up; it's not that he's not talking to her, but he's definitely less inclined to start a conversation or ask her about things that are still confusing him.

Emma takes it as a bad sign, and even though she loves this little town and its inhabitants, she's looking forward to the day the snow melts so they can leave and get back on the road.

And yet, when that day comes, she's nowhere ready to go.

"We should hand in our two-weeks notice today", Emma says, gripping the wheel tightly because she's not used to driving in the slush and the road is covered in it; she doesn't want to look at Killian, afraid that he'd read her reluctance and call her out for breaking her promise.

She said she'd go to Storybrooke with him, but that was a month ago, before she learned to live with the routine of being with him without being with him.

"We should", Killian says noncommittally, and since she can hear a smile in his voice, she's unable to resist glancing at him. "But if you'd rather stay here, we can."

His half-smile grows wider because she must look completely stunned, and he tilts his head toward the windshield before she can say anything.

"Watch the road, darling."

"You don't want to go to Storybrooke anymore?" She asks him as she parks the car in front of the Sherriff's Station, her eyebrows coming together in a confused frown because wasn't it supposedly a place with magic where he would have a chance of finding a portal to Neverland?

"Of course I do… and I want you to come because your parents are there, but I'm not going to force you into it until you're ready", he says and lifts his eyebrow at her because her surprise must show on her face. "Open book, lass."

He's putting her first, ready to put his revenge on hold for her _again_, and it leaves her breathless with hope.

"I'll be ready in two weeks", Emma says and exits the car, walks into the Station and tells Max that they are going to stick around for a while longer so he can find people to replace them.

Killian sits at his desk when she returns, and even though he doesn't say anything, she can tell that he's glad she's keeping her promise despite her fears.

He's not the only one who can read people around here.

* * *

Mrs. Walker actually starts crying when they pack the car and come to the kitchen to return their key before they leave.

"Come visit sometime, would you?" She asks and pulls Emma into a hug, which makes leaving even harder for her.

"We will", Killian says, his hand caressing Emma's shoulder and making it easier to breathe around the lump in her throat because he doesn't break his promises.

It's one of the things she loves about him, and it's ironic because it's also the thing that's keeping them apart.

"Okay, I kept you long enough", Mrs. Walker composes herself and walks them out, watching them get into their car and waving until Emma turns the corner at the end of the street.

"You okay to drive, lass?" Killian asks her softly and she gives him a brave smile, blinking until her vision clears and focusing all her attention on the road ahead.

"I'm fine", she says and he nods to himself, reaching for the radio and turning it on because he knows she doesn't want to talk about her feelings right now.

Ten minutes later they are on the interstate again, three months have passed and she's still longing for the same thing, still imagining the day Killian's arms wrap around her and his lips cover hers, but this time one minor detail is different; she now knows how it feels and she only wants it more.

* * *

"Do you mind if we take a detour to New York?" Emma asks Killian after the third sign they pass that invites them to visit the city that never sleeps.

"Is that one of the places you always wanted to see?" He answers with a question and Emma nods enthusiastically because it really is; she had always felt she would like getting lost in it so she can find herself again and be somebody new. "Then by all means."

Emma checks them into the first motel they come across, pays in cash and swipes a subway map when the receptionist is not looking, smiling to herself because it's so easy getting into her old ways; still, she feels a little bit guilty, so she guesses it's going to be enough to keep her on relatively straight and narrow.

"First stop, Statue of Liberty", Emma announces and practically pushes Killian out of their room, leading the way to the closest subway station.

"Why do you want to see this Statue of Liberty?" Killian asks as they descend the steps to the station, jumping back a little when a train roars into the station.

"Relax, it's our ride", Emma tells him and slips her hand in his without really thinking about what she's doing, but he doesn't pull away, following her into the train and sitting down next to her, his hand still in hers.

"I don't really have a particular reason to want to see it", Emma tells him as the train rocks on the tracks and takes them closer to the shore, stations flashing by between long stretches of darkness; Killian looks incredibly tense, but tries his best to hide it. "Hey, are you okay? We can get off and take a bus if you want."

"Doesn't it bother you?" He asks, and she can see that he's making a conscious effort not to squeeze her fingers too tightly. "Hurtling through the dark like this."

"Not in the least", Emma says and bites her tongue before she can blurt out the rest of that sentence.

_Not when you're with me._

"And besides, I'm really looking forward to the other way of transportation we're taking after this one."

"Which would be?" Killian asks hesitantly and she shakes her head, squeezes his fingers and tells him it's a surprise. "I'm not much for surprises; most of the time they turn out being unpleasant or bad for my health… usually both."

"You're going to like this one", Emma tells him and he raises his eyebrow, carefully studying her as if he's trying to read her mind and figure out what it is.

"It's a ship, isn't it?" He asks and Emma widens her eyes comically, asking him how he'd known. "It's the only way of transportation I appreciate, and you, my dear lass, know that well."

"Sorry I spoiled the surprise", she murmurs and he tilts his head until she meets his eyes, giving her a smile that makes her fluttery inside.

"Nothing to be sorry for, sweetheart. It's a wonderful surprise", he tells her and his death grip on her hand loosens a bit just as the train reaches the station they need and they get off.

Killian lets go of her hand, but she doesn't get a chance to miss it because as soon as they get up on the street he reaches for it again and pulls her closer to him, turning around in a circle and gaping at all the skyscrapers around them.

"Come on, we can't be late for the boat", Emma tells him and pulls until he finally moves and they walk a few blocks to the docks where a ferry waits to take them to Liberty Island.

"Well… Not as majestic as I had expected", Killian says with an easy grin and Emma punches his shoulder lightly, tells him not to wander off and goes to buy their tickets.

Now that they are here she's a little worried because it would be really embarrassing if she ended up being sea-sick, but then she sees the way Killian is looking at her over the open space separating them and realizes that it doesn't matter; she had made him happy, and they haven't even set foot on that boat yet.

"Ready?" She asks and Killian waves his hand toward the plank.

"After you, M'lady", he says with a silly little bow, and Emma feels ridiculously giddy; it's so easy to forget that this isn't a date and that he doesn't really belong to her because at this moment in time, she feels like he does.

Emma finds a spot for them next to the rail and leans over it to look down at the ocean, her head spinning a little because it's high and the water is dark and impenetrable.

"Careful there, lass", Killian says and wraps his arm around her waist, making sure she doesn't end up leaning too far and falling overboard.

Emma smiles and relaxes against him, her back pressed against his chest, his hand resting on the rail next to hers as the boat's engines start making the deck vibrate beneath their feet and they leave the dock behind.

"Whoa", Emma exclaims, her grip on the rail tightening because the farther from the shore they get, the more the boat sways.

"Let go of the rail", Killian says against her ear and she shakes her head, her fingers digging into his forearm and pressing his arm further against her stomach because she's fairly certain she'd stumble without him holding her. "Do you trust me, lass?"

Emma tilts her head back and to the side so she can look at him and her eyes find his, telling him silently that he's the only person she does or had ever trusted.

"Let go, Emma", he repeats and covers her hand with his, gently prying her fingers from the rail until he's holding her hand, her palm against his, his thumb rubbing gentle circles on the back of her hand. "Close your eyes."

Emma does as he says, focusing on his voice and the feel of his body pressed against hers, ignoring everything else.

"Forget about the ship. Feel the sea, how the waves roll, up and down, up and down… Can you feel the rhythm, lass?"

The only rhythm she can feel is the steady beating of his heart echoing within her, but she guesses that's enough.

"I can", she says and he releases her hand so that he can rest his on her hip, his other arm loosening around her waist. "No, don't let me go."

Her voice is filled with desperation because this isn't just about the sailing.

She had spent her life being afraid, afraid of hunger, and cops and what could happen to her on the streets in the dead of night, but now, her only fear is being without him, and it's the worst fright she had ever experienced; she was hopeless, now she's hopeful, and she knows it would break her to go back to that.

"I'm not going anywhere", he says and she can breathe again. Killian gives her a smile and waits patiently until she lets go of his forearm, a shiver running down her spine when she realizes that their only point of contact now is his hand resting on her hip, his fingers curling around it so perfectly; it's like she was made for him, made to fit in the palm of his hand with the ship swaying beneath them. "There you go."

"Still think I'd make a good pirate?" Emma asks and turns her head to look at him over her shoulder, her hand covering his, her fingers slipping between his.

"I do", he says simply, and his eyes are telegraphing so much more than just his belief that she'd make a good pirate.

"I think I'd like being one, Captain", she tells him, and she allows herself to entertain the possibility that his story isn't completely crazy.

She looks away first and he follows her gaze to their destination, then asks her what are they going to do once they get to it.

"We're going to see the world", Emma whispers and half an hour later they do just that, standing on the crown of the Statue of Liberty and looking out over the ocean because neither of them have any interest at looking over the land they had left behind.

The sea is calling to them both, and Emma finds herself imagining them on their own ship, sailing away and discovering what lies beyond that blue horizon.

Killian looks down at her and smiles, the wind playing with his hair and making his cheeks flush prettily; it makes her indescribably happy even before he pulls her closer against his side, his hand rubbing up and down her arm almost absentmindedly.

They both know that he's well aware of what he's doing.

* * *

**Review?**


	17. Goodbye

**Here we go, another round of angst, but don't worry, it'll all end well eventually. Thanks for reading and reviewing this story, and I hope you enjoy!**

* * *

There's a lot to see in New York, and a few days becomes a week before Emma even realizes it; it's fun seeing the world with Killian and watching him discover all the little things that aren't that special, but when she sees them through his eyes, they kind of are.

"Killian?" She asks hesitantly, watching the ducks swim around in a pond across from the bench they are sitting on soaking up the feeble rays of the spring sun.

"Hm?" He responds, reaching into the paper bag she's holding and taking out another croissant.

"Do you honestly believe that I am some sort of a lost princess destined to save her kingdom?" She asks him, and he pauses with the croissant halfway to his mouth.

"Of course I do", he says, both his eyes and his voice softening; she finds it hard to keep looking at him when he gets like this because she keeps thinking about the kiss and how much she wants to kiss him again.

"I'm not talking about the fairy-tales being real part", she says softly, and he gives her a half smile before he nods.

"I know. You just can't see yourself as a princess or anybody's savior", he tells her and Emma focuses on the ducks again.

"How do you do that?"

"Do what, lass?"

"Read me so easily, see all my insecurities and doubts", she says, still not looking at him.

"Because I see a lot of myself in you", he tells her, and when she turns her head she finds him staring at the pond too.

"You do?"

"Aye. I was abandoned too, you know", he says and Emma stays silent because she didn't know.

She had never bothered to ask.

"My mother died when I was too young to remember her, and my father did his best to take care of me, when he wasn't too busy robbing people", Killian says and Emma entwines her fingers together because she wants to reach for his hand but she's afraid it would make him stop talking. "Eventually, the law caught up with him, and we had to run away; we boarded a ship, and I thought that was it, I thought we were safe."

"But?" Emma prompts him softly and he shifts his ocean eyes back to her, the hidden galaxies in them taking her breath away because she can see her own pain reflected in their depths.

"But when I woke up the next morning the ship was at sea and my father was not on it; he had left and abandoned me without even saying goodbye."

"And then?" Emma asks softly, hoping that there's a silver lining to that story; Killian is staring at his knees and she realizes she should've known better.

It's amazing that after a lifetime of heartbreaks, she's still hoping to hear something good.

"It's a story for another day", he says and turns toward her, his hand rising and gently brushing a lock of hair behind her ear. "When I look at you, Emma, I have no doubts. I know that you are everything August said you were, and so much more. I believe in you, and it's as easy as breathing."

Emma doesn't know what to say, isn't really sure she can remember how to breathe right now because he just told her something that nobody else ever did, and more so, he did it without any hidden agendas.

A tears slides down her cheek and he brushes it off silently, presses a quick kiss to her forehead, and gets up, offering her his hand.

She takes it and lets him lead her back to their car, and even though they don't talk, she knows that they have just made a decision; they are leaving New York and facing whatever is waiting in Storybrooke.

Together.

* * *

Now that she's starting to entertain the possibility of Storybrooke being an actual town where her family is, Emma wants to get there as soon as possible so they don't make any unnecessary stops until it's almost midnight and Killian makes her pull over and let him drive.

"Let's sleep until morning and then you can drive", Emma says and ignores his protests because even though she trusts him behind the wheel during the day, night is a whole other thing.

"We can be in Storybrooke by morning", he pouts as Emma gets into the back seat and snuggles underneath his coat.

"We're waited this long, we can wait a bit longer", Emma tells him and closes her eyes, falling asleep even before he answers her mumbled "good night".

When she wakes up the sun is up and Killian is pulling to a stop in front of a convenience store.

"Morning, princess", he says and winks at her in the rearview mirror, and even though she rolls her eyes at him, she actually likes it.

"I need coffee and breakfast", she tells him and climbs into the passenger seat so she can rummage through her purse; they've managed to save up quite a lot of money from their sheriffing because there wasn't much to spend it on in that town, and it's a relief that she doesn't _have _to steal anymore.

"I know. It's why I stopped here", Killian says and unfolds the map showing Maine; they have already decided to follow the coast until they come across Storybrooke, because that's the only thing they know about it; it's next to the ocean.

"Don't go anywhere without me", Emma says with an easy grin and Killian smiles, glancing at her for a moment before returning his eyes to the map.

"Wouldn't dream of it", he tells her and she climbs out of the car, crosses the street and gets into the store, barely paying attention to other shoppers because Killian is waiting for her to come back with his coffee and donuts; it makes her smile because she's not even bothering to ask him what he wants anymore.

She just knows.

"Emma Swan?" A voice says from behind her and she turns around slowly, finding a sheriff's deputy standing there with a gun in his right hand and a drawing of her in his right. "You're under arrest."

Emma blinks in surprise, her sleepy brain still trying to make some sort of sense of what's happening when he puts the cuffs on her and reads her Miranda rights.

"Do you understand these rights?" The deputy asks and Emma closes her eyes, finally getting over her initial shock and realizing that this is the end.

"I do."

This is how she loses Killian; he doesn't leave her, she leaves him.

* * *

Killian commits their route for today to memory and carefully folds the map, still wishing he could use his hook even though he understands why it's not a wise idea; he'd been in this world about five months, but it's still alien to him.

At the same time, it feels like he'd been here for much longer, but he guesses that has more to do with Emma than this world.

His lips curl into a smile and he glances out of Emma's window, his smile dying as something very similar to cold panic comes over him because Emma is coming out of the store, but she's not alone; her hands are shackled behind her back and a deputy is pushing her none too gently toward his car parked a little further up the street.

Killian curses himself for not noticing it before, his hand going to the door knob, his thoughts spinning in circles because at that moment all he cares about is freeing Emma even if he has to tear off her handcuffs with his hand and teeth.

Emma's head is down, but suddenly she turns and looks at him across the space separating them, reads his intent in his eyes and gives him a barely there shake, her lips stretching into a sad smile.

_Don't_, her eyes tell him, and he can pinpoint the exact moment she resigns herself to her fate, accepting the fact that she's going to jail and Killian is going to Storybrooke without her.

Killian stays in the car and hits the wheel in frustration as he watches the deputy get Emma into the back seat and closes the door behind her, and at that moment Killian wishes the deputy would notice him just so he can be where Emma is, just so she wouldn't have to be alone.

As usual, fate doesn't care about what he wants.

* * *

After following the deputy to the station and realizing that it's even smaller than the one he and Emma had spent the winter working in Killian finally feels like he can breathe again. He checks into the closest motel and spends an hour pacing up and down the room, trying to come up with a plan to get Emma out of there.

Her last words keep ringing in his head and it's a distraction he can't afford right now.

_Don't go anywhere without me._

Killian stops pacing and glances at the box that holds his red vest and the hook he hadn't put on since Portland, remembering his promise, remembering that the only reason he had ended up in this realm was because he wanted to avenge Milah, and a wry smile curls his lips because none of that matters now.

He's too far in love with Emma, too connected to her, his wellbeing depending too much on her own.

If he honors his promise to Milah, he's going to break the one he had given to Emma; he had promised her he wouldn't leave her, and that promise is one he cannot break.

Ever since they shared that kiss on Christmas Eve, Killian had known that Emma is the only one that matters to him, but he'd been too stubborn, too hung up on his noble ideas of avenging his lost love first before acting on those feelings for Emma, for his beautiful lost princess who had taken his rebuttal in stride but never stopped hoping that someday she would have his love.

He loved her from the moment she had laid her hand on his chest, and now she might never know.

Since she hadn't been stealing, there's no doubt that the deputy arrested her because he somehow saw the wanted posters and realized that she's the one wanted for questioning under suspicion of murder, but Killian knows that it'll be a while until somebody comes to get her back to Oregon. He's got days at least, but he doesn't want to leave her in the cell they are undoubtedly putting her in right now for any longer than is strictly necessary.

It has to be tonight that he comes to her rescue, and he has to make damn sure that he doesn't fail; if he gets arrested too it's game over for both of them.

He knows from experience that small town stations don't leave anybody in over night, but they are going to make an exception because of Emma so it won't be just a matter of strolling in there and getting her out.

What he needs is a distraction for the deputies, something that would make them not focus on his face long enough for him to take them out.

The answer to that conundrum is simple, but everything inside him rebels at the notion of making himself vulnerable like that, of willfully drawing their attention to his deficiency.

Emma's smile flashes in his mind and he glances at his bandaged stump, cringing inwardly when he remembers what it looks like, and even worse, how the loss of his hand affects his everyday life, but Emma's sad eyes when she had last looked at him cancel all his misgivings.

She thinks he's not coming for her, and he's going to prove her wrong even if he ends up in the cell next to her.

He needs her to know that she's loved, and that's exactly what he's going to do, no matter the cost to both his pride and his safety.

* * *

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	18. Rescue

**This chapter is a little angst and a lot of progress, and the next one is something you won't want to miss. Thank you for reading and leaving amazing feedback, and enjoy!**

* * *

Emma isn't the kind to cry around people she doesn't know, which means that she doesn't cry at all, but she spends the drive to the Station trying to hold her tears back; her face keeps crumpling every time she realizes that she's going to jail and that the only way she's going to see Killian again is if he gets arrested too.

She's never going to see Killian again.

The deputy is silent as he leads her into the Station and positions her in front of the wall to take her picture; it's the moment she finally breaks, tears rolling down her cheeks, her shoulders shaking with silent sobs.

"Wipe 'em off, sweetheart. Crying won't help you now", the deputy says and that offhand term of endearment is like a knife in her heart, a painful reminder of all the times Killian had called her that.

She needs to stop. She needs to pick herself up and face the punishment on Killian's behalf, even if he was just trying to save her.

She can't stop.

It's unfair and it hurts, just like the rest of her life; she's so tired, so hopeless, so broken and alone.

She's got nobody to try and fix her now.

"Come here", the deputy says and drags her to a chair, then gives her a glass of water and sits behind his desk shuffling papers around until she gets a grip.

Ten minutes later the cell door closes behind her and she sits down on the bed with her head in her hands, wondering what Killian is doing, wondering if he's already on the road to Storybrooke, wondering if he's missing her as much as she's missing him.

It never even occurs to her that he's coming for her.

* * *

Time passes slowly, and her stomach is nothing but a void at the thought that this is what her life is going to be from now on; she had heard the deputies talking after they had called the Portland police, and it seems that they plan on doing everything in their power to keep her in jail for a long, long time.

She used to be so afraid of going to jail, and it's almost laughable now because her petty thefts were nothing compared to the charge she's facing now: first degree murder.

"Would you prefer it if Killian is the one getting locked up?" She asks herself, her eyes getting blurry again because even the thought of Killian behind bars is upsetting her stomach; if somebody has to pay the price, she'd rather it be her than him.

She loves him, and she wants the best for him, and even though chasing revenge isn't it, it's still better than the alternative; her pirate was meant for the sea, for the freedom to go wherever he wants and find his happy ending.

The only trouble is, she had hoped it would be with her.

* * *

Killian waits until 2 a.m. to make sure that the deputies would lose their edge, then rolls up his shirt sleeve and pours ketchup over his pristine bandage, carefully rubbing it in so it looks like he's bleeding.

"Here goes nothing", he says and gets out of the car, his hook tucked into the back of his jeans just in case his fist won't do the trick; he'd rather not kill any more cops, but if they come between him and Emma putting up a fight, he won't hesitate.

Emma is his priority, and anything or anybody else doesn't matter.

The Station is locked at this time and he bangs on the door, crying out for help until a deputy shows up; all Killian has to do is lift up his stump and pretend to be in pain and the man is falling over himself to unlock the door.

As soon as he does Killian punches him in the face and catches him so he doesn't make a racket when he goes down.

"Billy, who was there?" A voice calls from deeper in the station and Killian waits in a dark corner until the owner of the voice passes by him, then hits him on the back of the head with the blunt edge of his hook.

"Apologies, mate", Killian whispers and takes the keys off his belt, glances at his gun and decides to leave it behind.

Nobody else comes at him and he pokes his head through the doorway of the main room; there are three desks in it and they are all empty, and he's in too much of a hurry to get to Emma to check the room thoroughly, which ends up being a big mistake.

"Freeze! Hands up", a female voice says and Killian grits his teeth, then turns around slowly, gives her his most charming smile and raises his hand and stump.

"It's just the one, darling", Killian says and her eyes flicker to where his left hand should be, her gun wavering just a little, but it's more than enough for him; he closes the distance between them quickly, praying that the gun doesn't go off as he wraps his fingers around her wrist and tugs sharply.

The gun flies out of her hand and she cries out in pain when Killian keeps twisting.

"Where is Emma Swan?"

"Who?"

"The girl you booked today. Where is she?" Killian growls, shaking her a little until she gets ahold of herself.

"She's in the cell, at the end of the hallway", the woman finally says and Killian releases her wrist, then pins her against the wall with his forearm.

"These are the keys?" He asks and jingles them in front of her face; she just nods, her eyes wide and frightened. "Please don't kill me, I have a son, he's-"

Killian backhands her across the mouth and she slumps into a heap on the floor but he's already jogging down the hall toward where Emma is.

He knows that these deputies were only doing their jobs, but his blood is boiling and he needs to get Emma out of here before he loses it completely.

* * *

Emma wakes up with a start and at first she doesn't know where she is; Killian's name falling from her lips like a prayer, her stomach dropping when she remembers that he's not here and that she's never going to see him again.

And yet, she could swear that she had heard his voice coming from down the hall.

"You need to get a grip before you go crazy", Emma tells herself and closes her eyes, trying to go back to sleep, but then she hears the sound of a body hitting the ground and footsteps running down the hallway.

"Emma", Killian calls her name and she sits up slowly, still not so sure that she's not dreaming even though her heart is telling her that she's not.

"I'm here", she says weakly and waits for him to unlock the door for what seems like an eternity. When the door finally opens and she sees that it really is Killian standing there she doesn't waste time talking; she covers the few feet separating them in record time and slams into him, her arms going around his neck and her face pressing against his shoulder.

"It's okay, sweetheart", Killian murmurs and rubs her back as she stands there squeezing him too tight and trying to find words to explain why she's crying even though she had never been happier in her entire life. "Shhh, Emma, you have to calm down."

"You came back", she chokes out and he pushes her away gently, his eyes holding hers when he asks her what else had she expected. "I thought- What happened to you?"

His bandage is bloody and she reaches for his arm, her hand shaking because she can't stand the thought of him getting hurt just to bust her out of jail.

"It's just ketchup", he tells her and hides his arm behind his back, his hand cupping her cheek and making her look at him. "I'm fine, and we have to go."

Emma nods wordlessly, and he brushes his lips against her forehead before he takes her hand in his, gently tugging her toward the door.

"What did you do to them?" Emma asks as they pass by the deputies, cold sweat breaking out on her skin at the possibility that he had killed three more people to save her.

"Well, they are going to have mean headaches when they wake up, that's for sure", Killian tells her and lets go of her hand so he can open the door leading outside.

"Where's the car?" Emma asks and keeps staring at him as they walk the two blocks to where he'd parked it, constantly pinching herself because none of this seems real.

Her life is not a fairy-tale, and yet, he's here; he came for her, he risked his life and freedom to save her.

He's not a prince, but he is her hero.

"You could've been in Storybrooke by now", Emma says and he glances at her with a faint smile pulling at his lips.

"Aye, I could've been in Storybrooke", he agrees but doesn't say anything else and she's too rattled to press the issue.

When they reach the car she goes for the driver's side and Killian just shakes his head and opens the passenger door for her, waiting until she gets inside before he hands her his hook.

"Hold onto this for me, would you, lass?" He says and Emma takes it reverently, her fingers wrapping around the cool metal as he goes around the car and gets into the driver's seat.

"Maybe it would be better if I drove", Emma tells him and watches as he fastens the contraption that holds his hook in place to his forearm, wordlessly offering it to her so she can put the hook in place.

Something between them had shifted, but now is not the time to discuss it.

"Your hands are shaking, lass", he tells her and covers her fingers with his, guiding her movements until there's a click and he can use the hook to turn the wheel.

He drives carefully, keeping well under the speed limit and not running any stop signs on their way out of town, but Emma can't help being braced for the siren and flashing lights.

"I won't let them take you again", Killian tells her and reaches for her hand, entwines their fingers and rests his hand on the gearshift still holding hers.

Emma is speechless, watching his profile as he drives and slowly allowing herself to believe that this is really happening, that he did come back for her.

"You never told me just why you come to my rescue when that cop tried to rape me", Emma says softly, afraid to disturb the atmosphere but finding that she just has to know.

Killian glances at her before he returns his eyes to the road, shifts into a higher gear smoothly and changes lanes before he speaks.

"I can't really explain it", he begins, his thumb rubbing the back of her hand as he hunts for words. "I was sitting on some bench trying to figure out what to do with myself, where to go, and all of a sudden there was this bad feeling in my gut, cold panic sweeping through me."

He's silent for a while and Emma just watches him and waits patiently for him to continue.

"I know you were in trouble, I knew it as surely as I know where the sun sets and where it rises, and I was busting into your room without even realizing how I even found myself there. You were crying, and so I killed him."

Emma knows that smiling is a completely inappropriate reaction to an admission like that, but she can't stop herself, can't help squeezing his fingers until he finally looks at her.

"It appears that we're connected at the heart, Emma Swan", he says and it would've sounded so cheesy if it were coming from anybody else's mouth, but it's not; it's Killian saying it, and it's everything she'd only dreamed about.

There are no ghosts haunting him tonight, and she hopes they never come back to haunt him.

* * *

**Review?**


	19. Here With You

**Finally, what you've all been waiting for; Emma and Killian finally coming together. I hope you enjoy, but bear in mind that this fic is not over yet. Thanks for all the feedback, and enjoy!**

* * *

They come across an abandoned house on the outskirts of a little interstate town and Killian parks the car behind the barn that looks like it might fold at any moment, giving Emma a concerned look because she's still a little shaky.

"Lass, just breathe. They won't find us here and we're going to be in Storybrooke by lunchtime tomorrow", he tells her but now that they aren't running anymore she can't stop thinking about what could still happen to her and she's barely hearing Killian.

Her door opens and he offers her his hand, his fingers gripping hers gently but firmly when he tugs her out of the car and leads her toward the house.

Emma tells herself to focus on the fact that she's out of that jail cell, that Killian is here, that he came back for her when most people wouldn't.

"Why did you come back?" She asks, watching him gingerly push the door open with his hook and step into a kitchen that must've been rather nice a few decades ago.

Killian shrugs and shoots her a quick look over his shoulder and she doesn't even want to imagine what her face looks like that makes him walk in a circle around the room until he reaches the door again and stands right in front of her, his eyes locking on hers when he lays his hand on the small of her back and pulls her inside the house.

"I came back because I realized that there's nothing I want more than being with you", he says, and she's barely breathing when he wraps the other arm around her too and gives her that beautiful smile that always makes her heart flutter.

Killian is like the sea, at times he's incredibly gentle, holding you in an embrace so loving you feel weightless, but Emma knows there's another side to him, rough and dangerous like a sudden storm that makes you wonder how could you have ever been fooled.

Emma can see in his eyes that he's done trying to keep her at a distance and she raises her hands up until they are cupping his face, her heart starting to hammer in her chest when he closes his eyes and leans his cheek against her palm as if he'd been wanting to do that for a long, long time.

A part of her wants to wait, wants to be sure that this is real, but she slams the door on it, stands on her tiptoes and kisses him, pouring all her feelings into that one kiss and sighing in relief when his embrace tightens and he responds in kind; the last time they kissed it was over too quickly, leaving her with tingly lips and a heart full of longing, but this time she's burning from the inside out, reveling in the way they fit together and quickly finding herself gasping for breath.

His hand slips under her shirt and she arches her back, his tongue slipping into her mouth and tangling with hers while his fingers caress her skin, sparks dancing everywhere he touches her.

She wants to ask him what this is, but she's too afraid that it's just for tonight so she doesn't say anything and just keeps kissing him; she bites his lip gently and runs her tongue over his teeth, her arms wrapping around him tightly because she can't bear the thought of letting him go.

There's a moldy couch in the corner but Killian resists when she tries to pull him toward it, leading her out of the kitchen instead until they find a bedroom; he lets go of her only long enough to tug the quilt off the bed, revealing the once pristine pillows and covers that still look inviting to Emma despite being faded with age.

Emma steps toward him but Killian shakes his head and tugs off the contraption holding his hook in place and lies it on the bedside table before he reaches for her again. His kiss is like nothing she had ever experienced before and she sighs against his mouth as he pushes her jacket off her shoulders, neither of them caring when it lands on the dusty floor; Emma opens her eyes and pulls back, unable to stop smiling as she gets rid of his jacket and pulls up his shirt, hesitantly pressing a kiss upon a scar on the right side of his ribcage before she tugs it off all the way and drops it on top of his jacket.

He looks frozen for a moment, and she wonders about that scar, hoping that someday he's going to tell her how he had gotten it, but right now they are too busy for talking; she reaches for his belt but he covers her hands with his and presses a string of kisses from her lips, over her jaw and down her neck, nipping and licking and making her knees go weak even though she's still fully dressed. Her hands wander over his back, her fingers exploring the scars peppering his smooth skin; some seem faint and small, the others big enough for her to know that whatever had caused them wanted to hurt him a lot.

Killian slips his hand under her shirt again and she's distracted quickly, helping him get it off and feeling incredibly self-conscious when he just stares at her, his tongue darting out to lick his lips as his hand caresses up her ribs and cups her breast, his eyebrows coming together in an adorable frown as he turns her sideways and tries to figure out how to get it off.

"There's a clasp", she tells him and reaches to undo it, but he stops her and figures it out himself, first dragging the straps down with his teeth and then unclasping it deftly with his clever fingers.

Killian picks her up and lies her down in the middle of the bed, his lips catching her nipple and making her moan, her fingers tangling in his hair as she arches her back, feeling the pressure rise with every expert flicker of his tongue.

Her every sense seems heightened, her skin more sensitive than it had ever been before, and when she feels his two-day scruff against her stomach as he presses open-mouthed kisses down, she's about ready to beg for mercy.

But then again, Emma Swan doesn't beg, so she goes on the offensive, wiggling lower and unbuckling his belt, her fingers fumbling with the zipper just for a moment before she gets it opened and slips her hand under his boxers, taking him in her hand and smirking when he groans, almost losing balance on his only hand.

"Maybe I should be on top", she says playfully and rolls him on his back, wiggling her hips and bracing her hands on his chest; he gives her a goofy grin and traces his fingers over the underside of her breast, making her bite her lip and arch into his hand.

"Maybe you should", he agrees, wrapping his handless arm around her and pulling her down for a kiss.

She realizes that she'd rather have him touch her without the bandage, just skin on skin, and it makes her stomach clench painfully because he still thinks she finds it off-putting; she vows to talk to him about it tomorrow, focusing on his kisses and trying not to bite him too hard when he unbuttons her jeans and finally touches her.

It's too much and not enough, and Emma wiggles out of his arms and stands up on the bed next to him, steps out of her jeans and raises her eyebrow expectantly.

Killian kneels in front of her and kisses her hip, then tilts his head back to look up at her as he pulls her panties down slowly, pressing another kiss closer, but not quite there; she braces her hand against his shoulder and feels goosebumps on her legs when he traces his fingers over the inside of her thigh before he goes for the kill, both his arms wrapping around her legs to keep her in place.

She's burning, and she knows that she's never going to find a way to douse this crazy fire unless he stays with her.

"Oh God", she whispers, her eyes closed as she tries to stay upright despite what he's doing to her.

"Shhhh, I've got you, lass", he murmurs and lets her sink to her knees before he gets rid of his jeans and underwear and covers her with his body, pressing against her in just the right way when he kisses her, her legs opening wider as she lifts her hips and reaches between them to lead him inside.

They both gasp at the contact and he fills her inch by inch, her arms wrapping around him to help him keep his balance, and when he looks at her the world just goes away; nothing matters except the fact that they are here like this because he did what nobody else ever did, and he did it when she needed him the most.

He came back to her not once but twice, and every kiss he gives her is like a silent promise that he's going to do it however many times she needs him to.

And yet, she still doesn't believe in happy endings, still can't shake the weight of the past and all those disappointments.

Emma closes her eyes and wraps her legs around him, urging him to move, ignoring a few tears that escape her when Killian whispers her name against her ear; it sounds like a song, it sounds like coming home despite the fact that this isn't permanent, that this isn't a love story.

It's just two lonely people finding comfort for one night.

"My love", he says, pressing kisses along her neck as he keeps moving inside her, and Emma can't help a cry that falls from her lips because he had never called her love, and he certainly hadn't referred to her as _his_ love. The pressure inside is maddening but she can't stop thinking about that one little word, her arms and legs squeezing him tighter because she can't imagine letting him go, she can't even entertain the possibility of being without him ever again.

She falls first, clinging to him, her nose buried into his shoulder, her eyes opening only when he follows suit and tries to pull away so he doesn't crush her with his weight.

Emma refuses to let him go, refuses to face the reality of the situation which is that he only called her love at the height of passion and it doesn't mean anything to him… she doesn't mean anything to him.

"I'm not going to go anywhere, love, I promise", he murmurs, his lips brushing her ear when he speaks and she feels equal parts embarrassed and relieved that he can tell what she's thinking. "I almost lost you, and I'm going to risk it happening again."

Emma unwraps her legs from around his hips reluctantly, her arms still holding him even though she's inwardly cringing at her clinginess.

"I'm sorry for not making my intensions clear before we made love, but I had thought you understood when I came back for you; I can't live without you, Emma", he tells her and kisses her once more, then lies down next to her and draws her against his side, his hand reaching for hers and lying it against his heart.

"If I had known you'd react like this, I'd have gotten myself arrested sooner", Emma attempts playfulness, but it comes out breathy and hopeful.

"Forgive me, lass. I've been fighting my feelings for you because it felt like I was betraying Milah, but I'd much rather betray her memory than hurt you because… because I love you, my beautiful lost girl", he tells her, his eyes locking on hers because he knows her, and he trusts her to see the truth shimmering in their blue depths.

"I'm not lost anymore", she tells him, her voice trembling because she's trying to stay calm and collected even though she's beyond ecstatic inside.

She doesn't tell him she loves him too because it's too soon for her to trust this miracle, but he understands.

Killian smiles and kisses her forehead, and for the first time in her life Emma Swan falls asleep in the arms of love.

* * *

**Review?**


	20. End of the Road

**Here we go, the aftermath (I uploaded the wrong chapter earlier, sorry). Bear in mind that even though they are finally together, it won't be smooth sailing because there are five more chapters left after this one. Thank you for such wonderful feedback for this story, and enjoy!**

* * *

Emma wakes up and finds Killian watching her sleep, his fingers brushing her hair away from her cheek before he leans down to give her a kiss.

"Morning, lass", he murmurs and Emma kisses him with everything she's got, her arms wrapping around him in a futile attempt to keep him with her.

He told her he loves her last night, but she knows better than to believe he's going to stand by that in the harsh light of day.

"I don't want to go back", she whispers and Killian frowns, then gives her another kiss before he speaks.

"Go back where? I thought we were going to Storybrooke."

"No, I don't want us to go back to the way we were before last night", she tells him and makes herself let him go, then sits up next to him, her arms wrapped around her knees.

Killian's eyes are on her, but she can't keeps staring at the covers, so he leans closer and cups her face in his hand, making her look at him; she does so despite herself because she doesn't want to see goodbye in his eyes.

"I've spend the past two months telling myself that I'm not the right one for you, and the month before that trying to convince myself that I don't feel anything when I look at you… I'm done breaking your heart, lass", he says and Emma just stares at him, frightened to believe him even though her lie detector is silent. "I'm here. I'm with you."

"What about Milah?" She whispers, her lips grazing his palm, hope flickering inside her when it hits her that last night might have meant as much to him as it did to her.

"I'm with you", he repeats and it means more to her than he's ever going to know.

"I'm with you", she says and Killian smiles, then kisses her and lies back down with her pressed against his side, her head resting on his shoulder.

"I figured out where Storybrooke is", he tells her and Emma frowns, giving him a skeptic look.

"How?"

"On our map there's a road that leads nowhere, just a forest at the end of it, but I'd bet anything that we're going to find Storybrooke if we follow it."

"And if it's not there?" Emma asks him, and it's a startling realization that she wants him to be right, that she wants to find proof that he really is a pirate and that she really is a lost princess.

"Then we're just going to keep searching until we find it", he tells her and brushes his lips against her forehead.

Emma sighs contentedly and caresses his arm, her fingers playing with the edge of his bandage; it looks grimy because of the dried up ketchup and she tilts her head back to look at him.

"Can I unwrap this?" She asks him and gives him an encouraging smile, but he pulls his arm away and puts it under his head, his hand caressing her side.

"No", he says shortly and ignores her stunned look.

"No? Just like that? It's not like I haven't seen it before", Emma says because she had only wanted to make it clear to him that she likes all of him; she still feels ashamed and guilty for reacting the way she did when she had first seen it.

"And what happened when you did see it, huh, lass?" He asks, and even though he's trying to sound amused, it's clear that he can't really get over it.

"It was a gut reaction, and I'm sorry. I apologized for it at least ten times already", she tells him softly and briefly wonders if maybe this is a conversation for another day, when they settle in a bit, when they don't have cops on their back.

"I know, love. So what if your gut reaction is the same this time? Or what if you realize that while you can deal with seeing my scars, you don't really want to go to bed with them?" He asks and Emma rises up on her elbow, her finger tracing down his other forearm before she wraps her hand around his wrist.

"That's not going to happen", Emma says firmly even though she doesn't really know how she's going to react; she doesn't want it to matter to her, but it might.

"You don't know that", Killian says and laces their fingers together, then tugs her down for a kiss that's meant to be distracting, but it only makes her more determined.

"Please just let me show you I don't mind", Emma tells him in between kisses but he remains stubborn.

"I don't want to lose you, love", he whispers and Emma opens her mouth to argue but he begs her to let him continue. "Even if there's a tiny chance that you're going to decide that it's too much for you, I don't want to take it."

"So what's your plan, then?" Emma asks, half amused and half heartbroken that he's so worried she'd leave just because of his missing hand. "Keep that bandage on for the rest of your life? Because that's how long I'll be around."

He looks at her with such awe that she's just a little overwhelmed with emotion, but she doesn't let him change the focus on her.

"No, I'll… I just need a little more time", he finally says and she decides that she has to let it go for now.

"You get a week, and then the bandage is coming off", Emma says and holds out her hand. "Now give it here."

"What- You just said-"

"Do you trust me?" Emma asks him and he smiles, his thumb rubbing the back of her hand gently, and she doesn't know if that simple motion is meant to soothe her or himself.

"Of course I do", he tells her and Emma just lifts her eyebrow and waits.

He extends his arm toward her and she takes his bandaged stump between her palms carefully, holding it like it's something precious because to her, it is.

She might not be ready to say it yet but she loves him, and she loves every part of him; how could she not when he's the first person in the entire world who ever cared about her and who keeps coming back for her despite all her shortcomings?

"Does it hurt?"

"Not when you're holding it like that", he murmurs and Emma smiles, then leans down and presses her lips right to the top of it; she knows he won't feel it through the bandage, but he can see it, and she hopes it makes it easier for him to believe her when she says she's not going anywhere, especially not because of something as trivial as a few scars.

"You don't have to hide", she tells him and feels her cheeks go red from the way he's looking at her.

He's looking at her as if she's his entire world, and it makes her feel good; it's the sweetest burden she ever had to carry.

"We should probably go, try to put more distance between us and the cops", she says and he nods slowly, as if waking from a deep sleep.

"You're right", he says, but he doesn't make an attempt to get up, just pulls her down and kisses her until her head spins.

* * *

Emma is driving but she keeps getting distracted, stealing glances at Killian; he's sitting in the passenger seat with the map opened on his knees, navigating for her, and for somebody who claims to be from another world, he's exceptionally good at finding his bearings in this one.

But then again, he's also claiming to be a pirate, and she supposes he would have a good sense of direction and skills to read maps easily.

She can't believe she's really entertaining the thought that he's not delusional at all and that everything he'd told her was true.

She can't believe that he's finally hers.

"You might want to watch the road instead of me", he says and gives her a cocky grin, and Emma smacks his shoulder before doing her best to focus all her attention on driving.

Killian slips his right arm under his left and offers her his hand, and Emma takes it, reveling in the feeling of his rough but gentle palm pressing against hers.

"So, Storybrooke. Let's say it is at the end of that road and we get there. Then what?"

"Then we find your parents and figure out what you have to do to break the curse", Killian says as if it's the most obvious thing in the world.

"How do you suggest we do that if nobody knows who they are?" She asks him and he shrugs, squinting at the sign coming up ahead and checking the map before he tells her to get off the interstate.

"We'll figure it out", he says and lifts her hand to his lips and kisses the back of it before returning it to the gear shift and releasing her fingers.

"You're making it really hard for me to concentrate on driving", she says and Killian gives her one of those insufferable eyebrow rises.

"It was just an innocent kiss", he tells her and she tries not to think about last night and where else his lips had been.

It's impossible for her to forget it, but her pleasant musings get derailed when suddenly there are flashing lights in their rearview mirror and a siren pierces the air; Emma floors the accelerator on an instinct, gripping the wheel with both hands and looking at Killian for help.

"Keep going, lass. If Storybrooke is at the end of this road it'll have some kind of a protective spell to stop regular people from coming in", Killian tells her and Emma feels panic coursing through her veins.

"What if it's not there?!" She exclaims even though she really wants to tell him to stop talking about magic when they are probably minutes away from getting locked up for good.

"I won't let them take you", Killian tells her and Emma feels her racing heart stutter in her chest because she knows he'll do everything not to break his promise.

"We should've reached the end of the road already", she says and glances at her rear-view mirror to find the patrol car too close for comfort.

"Emma, watch out", Killian yells and time slows down; she sees a wolf standing in the middle of the road, she tries to avoid hitting him by turning the wheel sharply, which makes the car go off the road and they end up hitting the town-line sign.

It reads: Welcome to Storybrooke.

"Killian?" Emma cries and tries to open her eyes but she feels woozy and weak, her body sagging against the seat belt as she tries to figure out which way is up.

"I'm here, lass", he says and she hears the click when he unbuckles his seatbelt. "Don't move; I'm coming to get you out."

There's blood dripping down her cheek from a gash in her forehead and Emma wipes it away with her sleeve; Killian opens her door and she breathes a sigh of relief when she sees that he's fine.

"I'm sorry. Are they coming?" Emma asks and he gently tilts her head to inspect her wound, then reaches into the back seat and takes his hook, using it to free her from her seatbelt.

"Don't worry about that, lass. We need to get you to the hospital", Killian says and slips his handless arm beneath her knees, embracing her with his good arm and carefully taking her out of the car.

"I'm okay", she says weakly and closes her eyes because dark spots are flashing at her and she just wants to sleep.

"You have to stay awake, love", he tells her, but his voice is coming from a great distance and she feels herself drifting. "I told you that Storybrooke is real."

Emma smiles and rests her weary head on Killian's shoulder, but there's something important she's forgetting, something dangerous, something-

"Don't let the cops take me", she tells him and tries to hold onto him tighter but her limbs are getting heavier by the second.

"The cops can't cross the town line", Killian says and adjusts his hold on her, quickening his pace and telling her not to worry. "Nobody is going to hurt you, love."

Emma opens her mouth to ask him if he's sure that they can't cross it but the darkness overtakes her and she loses consciousness.

* * *

**Review?**


	21. Coincidences

**Here we go, Storybrooke. You have no idea how happy it makes me when you guys say that this story is the highlight of your day, so thank you so so much. I hope you keep enjoying both the fluff and the angst that's still coming, and sorry about the mix-up yesterday; I was in a rush and I published this chapter instead of the one I was supposed to, but I fixed it, so go back and check it out if you haven't already!**

* * *

Emma's head is pounding and she blinks in the too bright light, panic flooding her system when she remembers what had happened.

"Killian", she says and winces a little, turning her head to check the hospital room she's in, but she already knows she won't find him in it because if he were here, he'd make his presence known.

"Hey, it's okay. He's just outside with Dr. Whale and the Sheriff", a woman says and Emma frowns, winces again and blinks to get her into focus; she's young and pretty, and she's sitting on the other bed in the room, occupied by a blonde man that appears deeply asleep.

"Who are you?"

"My name is Mary Margaret Blanchard. I ran across Killian when he carried you into town", she says and gives Emma a smile, and there's something about her presence that makes Emma's heart stop racing.

"He carried me into town?"

"Quite an accomplishment", she says, and Emma scowls heavily.

"Because he's missing a hand?"

"Because it's two miles from the town line to the street I found him walking down", Mary Margaret says and Emma gives her a sheepish smile, feeling bad for jumping to the wrong conclusion.

"Who's that?" Emma asks and points at the other occupant of the room, and a strange sadness overcomes her when Mary Margaret glances at the man she's sitting next to and shrugs.

"We don't really know. He'd been in a coma since I can remember."

"How come you're here?" Emma asks and Mary Margaret tilts her head toward the door.

"Killian asked me to. He didn't want you to be alone in case you woke up."

"And you decided to do some stranger a favor like that?" Emma asks, hoping she doesn't sound as incredulous as she feels.

"I volunteer in the hospital anyway, and I felt bad for him; you should've seen him while we were waiting for the ambulance. He was white as snow", Mary Margaret says and Emma bites her lip.

"Am I in trouble for ruining the town sign?" Emma asks, wondering if she had dreamed about Killian saying that the cops can't cross the town line.

"I doubt it", Mary Margaret tells her with a reassuring smile and Emma nods slowly, and even though she wants to see Killian and talk to him, she feels her eyes drooping again. "You should rest."

It's funny and it doesn't make any sense, but Emma feels safe because of Mary Margaret's presence.

"I'll stay here until Killian comes back", Mary Margaret says and Emma closes her eyes, giving in to her tiredness, feeling like she can rest because she's finally right where she's supposed to be.

* * *

Next time Emma opens her eyes she sees Killian sitting in a chair next to her bed, smoothing his fingers over her forearm ceaselessly; his lips are moving and for a moment it looks like he's praying, but then she realizes he's just repeating her name under his breath.

"Hey", Emma says and he looks up, letting her go as if he'd been caught doing God knows what to her.

"You're awake", he murmurs and gives her an apologetic smile as if it was his fault she is.

"You're too far away", Emma tells him and makes him room in the bed next to her, feeling a bit woozy but not really in that much pain anymore.

"Emma, you're already hurt because of me", he says and she closes her eyes because she can't deal with this right now; the bed dips gently when he lies down next to her and Emma shifts until she's lying on her side, brushing her nose against his arm despite the fact that there's a sharp pain piercing her forehead every time she moves her head.

"I'm better already", she say and offers him her hand, and he brings it to his lips for a kiss before he laces their fingers together and tells her that he's sorry.

"It wasn't your fault… wait. What happened to the cops?"

"They came right up to the town line, and then they made a U turn and went back the way they came; I told you that there would be some kind of a protection spell keeping the outside world out", Killian says, then shakes his head and caresses her cheek with his knuckles, still holding her hand in his. "Don't worry about anything, love, you're safe here."

"How long do I have to stay in hospital?" Emma asks and scoots closer so she can wrap her arm around him; she's breathless with relief that he's okay, that her reckless driving didn't hurt him.

"Just until tomorrow", Killian tells her and carefully slips his arm under her pillow so she ends up with her head against his shoulder.

"What did the Sheriff say about the sign?"

"He was surprisingly gracious about it after I told him that we've been Sheriffs ourselves and that you had to swerve because of that bloody wolf", Killian tells her and Emma is still wondering why was that wolf standing in the middle of the road anyway.

"How did you convince the nurses to let you stay here so late?" She asks because it's dark outside and Mary Margaret is gone.

"It didn't take that much convincing… I guess they know true love when they see it", he says and presses a gentle kiss against the top of her head; it's sappy, but she likes the sound of that.

"So we're true love, hm?" Emma teases gently, her fingers playing with his necklace as she tries to fight a smile that's tugging at her lips despite the fact that she should be worried about his delusions.

"Truest", he says and Emma tilts her head back, getting lost in his blue eyes before he closes them and gives her a chaste, sweet kiss that makes her heart drop in her chest because nobody had ever cared for her like this.

Nobody had ever cared for her, and she can still hardly believe that being in love can be like this; it's been just a day since they've come together but so much has happened that it seems like much longer.

It seems like they've been together for weeks, not hours.

"Go to sleep, lass, and I'll be here when you wake up", he says and pulls the covers over her, his hand rubbing her arm slowly, both to keep her warm and to help her relax.

Emma had never believed in happy endings, but when he's holding her like this, she feels like her own happy ending is within her grasp.

Her happy ending is here, whispering how scared he'd been and how much he cares about her, and when his lips brush her cheek the kiss touches not just her skin, but also her heart.

* * *

The third time Emma wakes up in her hospital bed Killian is there just like he'd promised, only he's sleeping in a chair, snoring softly, and it's only then that she notices that he looks as if he hadn't slept in a week, so she leaves him be.

She feels well-rested and when she sits up on the edge of the bed her head doesn't spin at all so she gets up and tiptoes into the bathroom to inspect the damage; her hair is a mess, there's a stitched-up gash on her forehead and a bruise on her cheek, her ribs are blue from where the seatbelt had dug into her, but other than that, she's fine.

It could've been much worse, and right then the only thing that matters to her is that Killian hadn't been hurt.

"Lass? Are you in there?" Killian asks from the other side of the door and she smiles at her reflection before telling him that she's fine and that she'll be right out.

"Good morning, Emma. I'm doctor Whale", a doctor says when she comes out of the bathroom and she waves awkwardly then goes to sit on the edge of her bed. "Let's see if you're ready to be released."

Killian is standing next to her bed as Dr. Whale makes her follow his finger and asks her questions she answers quickly and correctly, hoping he'd go already and leave her and Killian alone.

"Everything seems to be fine, but I'd like you to come see me again in a week, if you're staying in town?" Dr. Whale says and Emma glances at Killian, gives him a smile and only then tells the doctor that they are staying.

Despite what had happened when they first got into it, Storybrooke just feels right to her, it feels like home, and she doesn't see a single reason why they should leave.

"I'll go write your discharge letter", Dr. Whale says and nods at Killian before he exits the room; Emma doesn't waste time, just gets up and goes to Killian, stands on her tiptoes and kisses him.

"How are we going to pay for the hospital?" Emma asks him, and Killian caresses her cheek and tells her that they took Luke Grant's health insurance card and told him her stay is covered.

"Which makes sense if they are all cursed and trapped here; they don't worry about little things like health insurance", he says and leads her back to the bed, then opens the closet and takes out a plastic bag with her clean clothes. "Your shirt is ruined so I threw it away."

"Are you just going to stand there or will you help me get dressed?" She asks him softly and he hastens to comply, untying her hospital gown and tugging it off; there's heat in his blue gaze because he's a full-blooded male and she's naked, but he's looking at her with such affection that it's clear how happy he is that he can take care of her the way she had taken care of him when they first met.

Emma puts on her bra and Killian carefully pulls her shirt on so it doesn't touch her forehead, then straightens it once she puts her arms in it. He crouches in front of her and even though it's incredibly hot watching him drag her panties up her legs because it's him doing it, the kiss he presses against her knee is nothing but chaste. Finally, her jeans are on and he leaves it to her to zip them up while he slips her sneakers on her feet.

The fact that he's only got one hand doesn't stop him when it's time to tie them, and he makes cute little knots she doubts she'd be able to do with ten fingers, much less five.

"What?" He asks and lifts his eyebrow at her when he's done, his eyes challenging her to say something against his knots.

"You have to teach me how to do that", she tells him and his smile warms her up inside.

It's only when she stands up and her head spins a little that it really registers that the other bed is empty now.

"What happened to the guy?" She asks when Killian wraps his arm around her waist to steady her and he takes her hand in his before he tells her that he had woken up while she was asleep.

"It's why I ended up sleeping in the chair; the nurses thought that I was taking too many liberties", he says and Emma frowns.

"He woke up? Just like that?"

"Not exactly", Killian says and squeezes her fingers before he tells her that he thinks Mary Margaret's voice brought him back.

"I don't follow."

"The first thing he had said was "Snow"", Killian tells her and Emma feels a headache coming on again.

"You think he and Mary Margaret are my parents?!" She asks, trying not to let him see how insane what he's saying is sounding to her.

"I do", Killian says and gives her a faint smile before he goes on. "I know it sounds ridiculous to you, but you and Mary Margaret have the same chin."

"You're silly", she tells him and kisses him, her hand cupping his cheek when their tongues tangle together, her head spinning for an entirely different reason than before.

The thing is, a part of her wishes he's right, even though the other, more rational part of her keeps telling her that it's just his delusions; it doesn't stop her from loving him more than she had ever loved anybody or anything else, more than she had ever imagined herself being capable of loving.

"Come on. I found us a place to stay. It's called Granny's Bed & Breakfast", Killian tells her when they come up for air and Emma follows him out of the room, her hand safely nestled in his.

Time will tell if there's more to this town than meets the eye, but either way, she's going to be fine because she's got Killian by her side.

* * *

**Review?**


	22. The Crocodile

**Thank you so much for such wonderful reviews, and I hope you'll keep enjoying this story; there's not much longer to go now.**

* * *

Morning sun comes through the flowery curtains of their room and Emma smiles, opens her eyes and finds Killian looking at her; he's laying on his stomach, his cheek resting on his forearm, and she feels so overwhelmed with the intensity in his eyes she can't hold his blue gaze. She leans closer and kisses his temple, her fingers combing through his hair before she pulls back and runs them down his back, her fingertip tracing the two swords tattooed in the middle of it.

"What does it mean?" she asks him and he glances over his shoulder, then rests his head on his hand and wraps his arm around her waist to pull her closer.

"I had a brother… his name was Liam. He was away from home when our father abandoned me, but somehow he found me and made me the man I am… or was before Hook", Killian says, and even though Emma wants to tell him that he's still that man, she keeps quiet and lets him talk. "He was a Captain in the Royal Navy, and I was his Lieutenant, but the King we served was corrupt, and he died."

Killian draws a shaky breath and she covers the tattoo with the palm of her hand, trying to infuse him with comfort and strength to say the rest because it's clear he wants to.

He wants to tell her everything, and she loves him for that even if his story doesn't make much sense to her rational mind.

"I took over the crew and we became pirates, but to honor his memory I vowed I would always stick to the code… it's an uphill battle, but then again, it's not supposed to be easy and that's what the tattoo is about."

"To remind you that you're both a knight and a pirate?" Emma asks, scooting closer to him and rubbing her hand in circles over his warm skin.

"To remind me that there should be a balance to all things, and that it does you no good if you're either too bad or too good", he says, rolls on his back and gives her a little smile before he starts caressing her thigh with his fingers.

Emma leans in and presses a kiss against his shoulder and they just look at each other, their faces close, their arms wrapped around each other; they don't talk anymore, and they don't go to sleep.

They just are, enjoying the moment and basking in each other's presence; she breathes out and he breaths in, their fingers imprinting on each other's body, their legs hopelessly tangled together as if to make sure that nothing can ever make them let go.

They have finally found a home, and they won't give it up for the world.

* * *

There's not much to do in Storybrooke, but Emma likes it here; it's peaceful and quiet, nobody is after them, and food at Granny's is amazing.

"Do you think the Sheriff could use two more deputies?" she asks Killian as they walk down the main street, her hand safely nestled in his.

"We can call Max and ask him to-", Killian starts to say, then sort of ceases, his fingers squeezing hers too tight.

"What-"

Emma follows his gaze and sees a man walking across the street, unlocking and entering an antiquities store while Killian stares after him, his eyes flashing with such rage she gets a little frightened.

"It's him", Killian says and Emma wraps her fingers around his arm and steps in front of him to stop him from crossing the street.

"He's the one that killed Milah?" She asks and tilts her head until Killian meets her eyes and nods. "He doesn't look like a crocodile."

"Looks can be deceiving", Killian says darkly and tries to go around her, but she grabs the lapels of his jacket and kisses him, doing her best to distract him from the past with a taste of the present.

"I'm just going to talk to him", Killian says and Emma gives him a sideways glance because they both know he's lying.

"I'm coming with you."

"Emma."

"I can't let you kill him", she says and Killian pries her fingers from his jacket gently but firmly.

"I've been dreaming about this day for months", he tells her and Emma closes her eyes, feeling so very betrayed.

"I thought you're dreaming about me now", she whispers and Killian hesitates, his fingers brushing her hair away from her face.

"I am, lass", he tells her and she bites her lip, still refusing to look at him.

"If you're right about the curse, it means he doesn't even remember you or Milah or what he'd done", she says and she can almost make herself believe that the curse is real because it would mean that there's a way to talk Killian out of killing him.

"We're just going to talk to him", Killian says and brushes his lips against her forehead before he offers her his hand.

She doesn't have a choice but to take it because her choice is always going to be him.

Mr. Gold's shop is dark and filled with strange and not so strange little knick-knacks, but her eyes are instantly drawn to a hand in a glass case sitting on a shelf behind the register.

"How may I help you?" Mr. Gold says and Emma digs her fingers into the hand she's already holding, stepping in front of Killian and asking Gold to see the case up close. "That particular item is not for sale."

"How long has it been for you, Crocodile?" Killian asks and tries to pull his hand out of Emma's, but she keeps holding on and watching Gold.

"Crocodile?" Gold frowns and looks between Emma and Killian, confusion written all over his face.

"Either he's a very good actor or he doesn't remember you", Emma says and Killian's face closes; he pushes her aside and pins Gold to the shelf behind him, his fingers squeezing Gold's neck.

"I don't care if he remembers or not. He's the one who killed Milah and took my hand, and now he's going to pay for it", Killian growls and Emma stands frozen, feeling the ground crumble because she knows that if Killian gets his revenge, this town won't be a sanctuary anymore.

And there's nowhere left to go where they would be.

Gold is trying to fight, but he's getting weaker by the second, his eyes pleading with Emma to do something.

"Killian, please, stop", she says and lays her hand on his shoulder, her heart breaking because he really believes in this, he really believes that this small man he's choking to death is Rumplestiltskin. "You said we'd just talk to him!"

"I know", he says, his eyes meeting hers only briefly. "I'm sorry, Emma."

"Emma Swan", Gold whispers and Killian's hold on his neck tightens, then eases a little.

"What did you just say, Crocodile? How do you know her name?" Killian asks him and Gold coughs, heaving in shuddering breaths.

"She is the Savoir", Gold says and Killian releases him abruptly just as the door of the shop opens and the Sheriff steps inside.

"Everything okay here?"

"I was just telling Emma and Killian here how glad I'll be to help them settle in Storybrooke", Gold gasps out and even though the Sheriff doesn't seem fooled, he doesn't press the issue either.

Killian gives Gold an eloquent look, silently telling him that this isn't over before he walks out of the shop with Emma fallowing close behind. He's not talking or looking at her until they get back to their room and Emma closes the door, intently watching him pace between their bed and the closet, his hand rubbing his stump almost forcefully.

"I'm glad you didn't kill him", Emma says softly and Killian finally notices that she's shaking, that she's on the edge of a breakdown because if he had killed him and the Sheriff walked in, it would've been the end for them.

"Lass-", Killian murmurs, the storm in his eyes ending as he comes closer to her and wraps her in his arms, his hand rubbing her back so unbearably gently it makes her lose the tight rain she'd been having on her emotions.

"You were gonna do it, you were gonna leave me", she yells and pushes him away, her fingers pressing to her mouth because the panic is overwhelming and she can't remember how to breathe anymore.

"Emma…"

"Why did you stop?!" She demands and shies away from his touch when he reaches for her.

"Because he said your name", Killian says softly and she wipes her tears angrily, waiting for an explanation. "I was ready to kill him and face the consequences, but then he said your name and I realized that you'd be alone, and even worse, you would have to find a way to break the curse and free your parents all on your own."

Killian steps closer to her, and this time she doesn't pull away when he takes her hand in his and tugs her to their bed.

"Seeing him brought everything back", he tells her an even though she gets it, she's still beyond upset; she's sitting next to him and still feeling like they are miles away. "I'm sorry."

"How can that be your hand?" She asks him, briefly glancing at his still-bandaged stump before she meets his eyes.

"Preserved by magic, I suspect", he tells her, and it's just a little too much.

"Don't you think that he'd kill you if he had magic?!" She exclaims and Killian gives her a sad smile, his hand reaching for hers to stop her from getting up.

"He would, but it appears that the absence of magic is just another consequence of the curse", Killian says and Emma realizes that his delusion was much easier to live with outside of Storybrooke.

"Do you still plan on killing him?"

"I don't", Killian says and cups her face in his hand, making her look at him so she can see the truth in his eyes. "But I'm going to make him help me help you."

Emma takes a deep breath and kisses him.

"Promise me you won't kill him."

"I promise", he says without hesitation, his blue eyes clear of the shadows that have been haunting them just a few minutes ago. "I'm never going to leave you, love."

"You can't torture or maim him for information either", she says and he chuckles a little.

"Would I do that?"

"Are you a pirate or not?"

"According to you, I'm also a good man."

"Who sometimes gets carried away", Emma says and Killian sighs, then promises he'll stay away from Gold for now.

"And speaking of maiming", he says and offers her his bandaged arm. "Please don't be sick this time."

Emma glances up and realizes that now he's offering, she'd rather not see it again, but he looks so apprehensive, so hopeful and scared at the same time that she pushes away her own fears and starts unwrapping the bandage.

It's not as bad as she remembers now that it's healed, new, soft skin replacing the raw burns; the scar still looks bad, and the fact that there's no hand at the end of his arm is still making her heart hurt, but she doesn't feel any sort of revulsion for it.

Emma caresses the scar with her thumb and when she looks up she finds him staring at her hand holding his stump with a tentative smile as if he's still expecting her to pull away and run to the bathroom.

"Look at me", she tells him and Killian draws in a shaky breath before he shifts his ocean eyes to her face, and she's not sure he's even breathing while he waits for her to talk.

The thing is, Emma believes that words are often empty, and that actions speak much louder, so she takes both his stump and his hand and lays them on either side of her face.

"Kiss me", she says and smiles, her eyes holding his until he leans closer and brushes her lips with his.

Emma only releases his hand and cups his cheek, her fingers caressing the scruff as his tangle in her hair, and this kiss is like none she had every experienced; it's tender, and loving, and it's a "thank you" even though she doesn't feel like she deserves it because she loves him, and she loves all of him.

The words are on the tip of her tongue and she hopes he can feel them when she slips it into his mouth and touches his; she sighs and traces his jaw before she cups the back of his neck and pulls him closer.

His arm wraps around her waist and he lies down with her on top of him, his stump still trapped between her palm and her cheek, and when he smiles into the kiss, she thinks that he can feel everything that's inside her heart because what's inside his is the same.

* * *

**Review?**


	23. Don't Leave Me

**Angst and more angst, as promised. Thanks for reading and reviewing, and bear in mind that there is a happy ending, as always.**

* * *

It's been less than a month since they crashed into town, but Emma had never felt more at home anywhere else; they've called Max and he had put in a good word with Graham and now they are deputies again, living in a small cottage at the edge of the woods. Killian is not very happy about that since it belongs to Gold, but so does everything else around here. Besides, Killian is getting better at ignoring Gold whenever they see him in town, but he still sort of pushes Emma behind him as if he's expecting an attack from the silent shop owner.

If she's completely honest with herself, she likes how protective Killian is of her.

It's Monday and Emma is still a little sleepy, sitting in the passenger seat of their cruiser and drinking her coffee in an attempt to wake herself up properly when Killian lays his hand on her knee and turns to her with an apprehensive expression.

"Lass?"

"Hm?"

"Is there something I can say or do that's going to make you believe that I really am a pirate?" He says and she blinks in surprise because it's been a while since they discussed this particular subject, and she had foolishly thought that he's getting over the delusion.

"I believe that you think you're a pirate… I just can't believe that portals to fairy-tale lands exist", she tells him, wondering if this is a good time to bring up Dr. Hopper and ask Killian to go talk to him.

Killian doesn't say anything to that and Emma sets down her coffee and leans across the space between them so she can rest her palm over his heart before she speaks.

"I know who you are, Killian; you're a good man, and I would still love you if you were an accountant or a carpenter or a bartender", she says and he covers her hand with his, then brings it to his lips and kisses her knuckles.

"If it were just about me, I'd let it go, but your parents are still cursed, everybody in this town is cursed, and they won't wake up until you do", he says and Emma wants to believe him so badly that she can almost convince herself that she really has Mary Margaret's chin.

But Mary Margaret is her friend, not her mother.

"I don't know how to believe in that", Emma tells him and he smiles, cups her face in his hand and closes the space between their lips, giving her a thorough, loving kiss.

"You will, love. Someday you will", he says and starts to pull back, but Emma grips the lapels of his jacket and brings him back for another kiss, realizing that he believes enough for both of them.

And he doesn't just believe in magic; he also believes in her.

* * *

Emma walks into the kitchen and finds Killian making breakfast, a fairy-tale book opened on the table.

"What's that?" She asks him and wraps her arms around his waist, then stands on her tiptoes and presses a kiss against the base of his spine.

"The book? It's your parents' history", Killian says and turns around to wrap his arms around her, and she tilts her head to the side with a skeptic look on her face.

"You mean Snow White's and Prince Charming's?"

"Mary Margaret's and David's", Killian clarifies and Emma rolls her eyes.

"David is married to Kathryn", she says and Killian shakes his head, his hand running up and down her back.

"But he doesn't love her; it's just the curse", he tells her and Emma pulls back a little, takes a deep breath and cups his cheeks between her palms.

"I think you should go see Dr. Hopper", she says as gently as she can, but judging by the look on his face, she still hurts him deeply.

"How can you be with me if you don't believe anything I say?" He asks her, slipping from her arms and thumbing through the book until he finds a picture of a baby wrapped in a fluffy white blanket that looks suspiciously like the one she owns, like the only thing she's got left of her parents. "This is you, Emma."

"Killian, please. I love you", she says, finally allowing herself to say it because he needs to be sure of her love the way she is of his. "I love you and I just want to help you."

"I don't need help, Swan. You're the one who can't see what's right in front of you", he says and stalks off to their bedroom, leaving her standing in the kitchen and wishing she had handled this differently, wishing she had never mentioned Dr. Hopper.

But then again, the man she loves believes that he's a pirate and that she's a savior, and it's slowly driving them apart.

Emma sits at the table and starts reading the book, but even though the story is beautiful, to her it's just a story.

Even if Prince Charming does look a little like David.

* * *

Kathryn disappears and all the evidence is pointing at Mary Margaret.

Graham and Killian keep squabbling and Emma is doing her best to keep them away from each other's throats but it's tiring, and when they are alone Killian won't shut up about the curse; he's doing it gently and keeps finding "proof" that she really is the savior, but Emma just can't believe it.

She'd never been anybody, and the idea of being responsible for so many people's happiness is scary at best and besides, the most important thing now is to find a way to prove that Mary Margaret is innocent.

It's hard because the mayor is trying to block her at every turn.

"If we don't do something Regina is going to make sure that Mary Margaret ends up in prison for the rest of her life", Killian says as they are walking home after work and Emma kicks a rock so violently it ends up hitting a passing car.

"What can we do? We tried everything; Mary Margaret is getting framed and everybody knows it, but Regina had covered her tracks well", Emma says and wishes she could punch her in the face just once without having to suffer the consequences.

Mary Margaret is the first real friend she had made in her entire life and now she's going to lose her.

"What I don't understand is why. Why is Regina so intent on destroying her life?"

"She's the Evil Queen and she hates Snow White", Killian says but Emma just ignores him.

"We have to break her out of jail and run", she tells him and Killian had never looked more shocked.

"We can't go back out there. The cops would find us eventually and then we'd all be screwed", he tells her patiently but Emma is already working on a plan.

"If we leave tonight we can be two states over before morning."

"Lass, please, think about what you're saying", Killian says and catches her wrist to make her stop walking and look at him.

"There's no other way", Emma says and tries to fight his embrace because she can see what's coming from a mile away.

"You just need to believe in yourself, Emma", he tells her and she relaxes against him, her arms wrapping around his waist and holding him tightly.

"I'm not a savoir", she whispers and Killian kisses her forehead, then reaches behind his back and gently makes her let him go.

"You are, lass. I'll prove it to you", he tells her and gives her a kiss that tastes suspiciously like goodbye. "Go on home, I'll be there soon."

"What are you gonna do?" She asks and he just smiles and lets go of her hand, turning back toward town.

"Don't worry, love. It's nothing dangerous", he shoots her a wink over his shoulder and then he's walking away, his back straight and his head high.

She watches him go, and even though there's an alarm bell ringing in her head, she doesn't try to stop him or go after him, turning around instead and walking briskly toward their cottage.

It's time to pack their things and figure out whose car they are going to steal when they leave Storybrooke behind.

* * *

It's painfully obvious what he's supposed to do now. If he's being honest, it's been obvious since the day they had gotten here and he'd managed not to kill the Crocodile, but he'd been hoping to find another way to make Emma believe in fairy-tales and herself.

The time has run out.

Killian walks into Rumplestiltskin's shop and bangs on the counter until the Crocodile appears, hesitating in the doorway, one hand hovering over his pocket.

"Relax, I'm not here to kill you", Killian says and Rumplestiltskin rests both his hands on the cane, his quick eyes watching Killian carefully.

"What is it that you want, then, Captain?"

"I need something that's going to make Emma believe in fairy-tales", Killian says and Rumplestiltskin's eyebrows shoot up.

"Come again?"

"You heard me."

"Let's say that there is a way. What do I get in return?"

"How about this? I'll give you my word that I won't go after you ever again", Killian says, gritting his teeth because he's perfectly aware of what he's doing.

He's breaking the promise he had given to Milah after less than six months because he loves Emma more than he had ever loved anybody else; he tries to tell himself that Emma is alive and that she needs him more than Milah does, but it's not making the pain any easier to bear.

"The way you gave your word to kill me? You're awfully, fickle, Captain", the Crocodile says and Killian is on him in a second without even realizing he'd moved.

"I will kill you right now if you don't reach into your magic bag and find something that'll help me convince her that I'm not delusional", Killian growls and the Crocodile looks as frightened as he had been that day on the ship when he came to beg Killian not to take Milah away.

"Here", he chokes out and Killian releases him so he can take a bottle out from the drawer next to him, silently holding it out to Killian.

"What happens when I drink that?"

"She's going to realize that you've been right all along", Rumplestiltskin says and Killian snatches the bottle from his hand, gives him a warning look and makes sure to slam the door on his way out of the shop.

* * *

Emma is pacing in the living room when the door opens and Killian finally comes int, bringing the scent of the ocean and the night with him.

"We need to go", she tells him but he takes her hand and makes her sit down next to him on the couch.

"Running is not the answer, love", he tells her and takes a strange bottle out of his pocket, turning it in his hand for a while before he meets her eyes and tells her that he'd found a way to make her believe.

"Killian, come on; now is not the time for you to-"

"Now is exactly the time, Emma."

"Where did you get that?" She asks him and he hesitates for a moment before he tells her that he went to see Rumplestiltskin.

"You mean Gold?"

"Gold, Rumplestiltskin, the Crocodile, it doesn't matter. I just have to drink this and you're going to believe me", he says and she watches him with wide eyes as he tugs the cork out of the bottle with his teeth and spits it on the coffee table.

"You're crazy", she says and bites her lip because she hadn't meant to say that out loud even if that's the truth.

"I'm really not, love."

"He could've given you poison!" She yells and reaches for the bottle, but he holds it out of her grasp.

"It's not poison. I suspect it's the sleeping curse, and all you need to do to break it is believe and kiss me because you, Emma Swan, are the savior, and my true love", Killian tells her and before she can react he's already drinking, downing the contents of the bottle in one gulp, his eyes never leaving hers.

"Killian", she says and he falls forward into her arms, his eyes closed, a half-smile lingering on his lips.

No matter how much she shakes him, he doesn't wake up, and when she presses her ear against his chest his heart is beating so slowly and silently that for a moment she thinks he's already gone.

"Please, please, please", she murmurs, tears rolling down her cheeks as she reaches for her phone to call the ambulance. "You promised you wouldn't leave me."

If there was one thing in the world she had believed in, it was that Killian would never leave her.

And yet, at that moment, it seems he will.

* * *

**Review?**


	24. Just Believe

**Here we go a little more angst before the big finale tomorrow. Thanks for going on this journey with me, and I hope you enjoy!**

* * *

Emma is sitting on the uncomfortable plastic seat in the waiting room of the hospital replaying the last hour over and over again in her head, trying to make some sense of what had happened, but no matter what she always comes back to one horrible fact.

Killian is dying.

"Can I get you anything?" Graham asks her for the third time, but she just shakes her head and keeps waiting.

She doesn't even know what she's waiting for.

Doctor Whale comes out Killian's room and she can tell by the look on his face that news aren't good, the knot in her stomach tightening when she stands up to greet him.

"I'm sorry, Emma", Whale says and she nods tightly, like this doesn't really touch her, like she's just asking after some random guy and not the love of her life. "There was nothing in the bottle you gave us and without its contents, we have no way of knowing what he took."

"Can I see him?" Emma whispers and she can feel Whale and Graham exchange worried glances over her head, but she doesn't care, she doesn't even wait for confirmation.

She sleepwalks across the hall and slips into Killian's room, softly closing the door before she looks up.

There's a tube in Killian's throat and she blinks back tears as she comes closer, her hand reaching for his, then falling to her side again because she doesn't want to disturb the IV.

"Killian? It's me", she says, her voice echoing in the silence, but he doesn't move; he looks peaceful, like he's just sleeping, and his words echo in her head until she wants to scream to drown them out.

_It's the sleeping curse, and all you need to do to break it is believe and kiss me._

She doesn't believe in anything, not anymore, not when the only person who had ever believed in her is dying.

Not when the only person who had stayed with her through thick and thin has finally abandoned her, and what's worse, he did it because she wouldn't believe him, because she wouldn't let her heart decide and trust what she feels.

Even now, she's not ready to take that final leap of faith, to lean down and press her lips against his cheek and believe in their love, in all that he is and that she is supposed to be because what if nothing happens?

What if that last tiny flame of hope gets extinguished and she's left with nothing, waiting for the moment he dies and leaves her for good?

"I'm sorry", she whispers and lays her hand on Killian's shoulder, caressing it with her thumb as her eyes do the same to his face. "I love you."

She could swear that the corner of his mouth lifts a little but her eyes are too blurry to be sure, and so Emma takes a deep breath and wipes her face, determination coursing through her veins because it's time to visit the man who's to blame for Killian's condition.

Gold.

* * *

Graham insists on going with her and a part of her is glad for that because with the state she's in, she's not so sure she'd be able to keep herself from shooting Gold for what he'd done to Killian.

"Maybe you should stay in the car while I talk to him", Graham says when they get to Gold's shop but Emma just gets out and stalks to the door, opening it so violently that it hits the shelf behind it and rattles the items on it.

"What did you give him?!" She demands, her hand shaking on the handle of her gun; Gold just regards her steadily as if nothing's wrong.

"I had such high hopes for you, Miss Swan", he says and Emma reaches to pull her gun out when Graham's hand covers hers and makes her let go.

"If you shoot him he won't be able to tell us what he did to Killian", Graham says and she lets him take her gun.

"I didn't do anything, Emma. Your dear Captain is in hospital because of you, because you couldn't believe him even after seeing his hand on my shelf and your parents' story in that book… He did everything he could to make you believe, but you still refused", Gold says and gives her a wry smile. "No wonder he came to me for help."

"You gave him poison!" Emma yells and tries to walk around Graham because at that moment she could choke Gold with her bare hands.

"I didn't. Did Whale tell you that he's dying? He's not. He's just sleeping; it's what the sleeping curse does to you", Gold says calmly and Emma looks at Graham, who, despite a skeptical look on his face, seems to be open to all explanations.

She wishes she could say the same.

"Didn't he tell you what you're supposed to do to wake him up?" Gold asks her and he sounds gentle, almost grandfatherly; it only makes what he says next worse. "He believed in you so much that he willingly went under a sleeping curse, and you're still refusing to believe in him."

"He said that I just have to kiss him", Emma whispers, and Gold gives her a pointed look.

"So what are you doing here?"

"You can't expect me to believe that a kiss can wake him up!" She says and Gold smiles wickedly, then turns around and starts for the back room.

"If you don't make yourself believe, he's never going to wake up", he throws over his shoulder and then he's gone, leaving her standing next to Graham and trying not to fall apart because she had lost Killian and there is no way for her to bring him back.

* * *

Emma is walking around town without really knowing where she's going, staring at her feet and trying to tell herself that everything is going to be okay, that she's not alone yet, that Killian is still here and that Whale is going to find a way to make him wake up.

But what if he doesn't? What if Killian never wakes up, and she ends up being alone?

She can't even think about it.

"I can't do that again", she says and looks around in panic, expecting people to stare at her for talking to herself, but there's nobody around.

Somehow, she ends up at the docks, and she sits down on a bench and looks out over the ocean, but the first breath she takes breaks her because this is what Killian always smells like and she already misses it.

She misses him, his voice in her ear and his arms around her, and she wishes she could believe, she wishes for it so badly, but every time she tries to imagine Mary Margaret in a princess gown all she sees is her face behind prison bars.

And then, like a miracle or divine intervention, there's a white sail on the horizon and Emma stands up on the bench and shades her eyes because the sun is coming up, lighting up the ship from behind and making it seem like it's on fire.

"Is that the Jolly Roger?" She asks herself breathlessly and jumps from the bench, her heart starting to hammer in her chest as she races down the dock until she reaches the end of it, watching the ship getting bigger the closer it gets.

It looks just the way Killian had described it to her on the day they watched Peter Pan, and a tiny seed of belief catches root in her soul.

"Ahoy there, young lady!" A sailor calls from the ship as he drops the anchor and Emma is standing there gaping at him, guilt gnawing at her because Killian had been right all along and she kept calling him delusional. "Is this Storybrooke?"

"It is", she answers weakly, then puts her hands on her hips and gives him a dirty look. "Where is your Captain, sailor?"

"I am the Captain", he says, puffing out his chest, and Emma lifts her eyebrow at him.

"I never knew that Captains drop their ships' anchors like common sailors", she tells him boldly and he looks stricken. "Where is your Captain? Where is Killian Jones?"

"He died", the sailor says quickly, the lie so blatantly obvious that the rest of the crew gathering next to the railing glares at him before they turn their gazes on her; they are looking at her with something suspiciously like respect.

"No he didn't. You threw him overboard", Emma says and one of the other sailors steps forward.

"He lead us astray. He promised us eternal life in Neverland and we ended up in a world without magic!"

"And besides, he was dying, he wasn't fit to lead us anymore", another one says and Emma has heard enough.

It's like a whole new world is opening up in her head and suddenly everything makes sense.

And yet, when she leaves the docks behind, she doesn't go toward the hospital; there's somebody she needs to talk to before she goes to wake Killian up with a kiss.

Her mother.

* * *

Emma unlocks the door of the station and slips inside, turning on the lights in the hallway before she reaches the main room.

"Mary Margaret?" She asks tentatively, opening the door of her jail cell and hesitating in the doorway.

"Emma? What are you doing here so early?" Mary Margaret asks and Emma glances at the clock, realizing it's not even 6 a.m. yet.

"I have to talk to you", Emma says and sits on the cot next to her, staring at her hands and wondering where to start.

"What's wrong?" Mary Margaret asks and covers Emma's hands with hers, and she sounds so motherly and so concerned that everything just pours out of Emma; she tells her about the curse over Storybrooke and how Killian was trying to make her believe in it because she was supposed to break it, but she just couldn't.

"He told me about that", Mary Margaret says and Emma looks up in surprise, then smiles when Mary Margaret tells her that she the one who gave Killian the book with the fairytales.

"But you didn't believe him either", Emma says and Mary Margaret shrugs, staring at their hands for a moment before she speaks.

"I would be really happy if it were true because then at least all the emptiness in my life would make some sense."

Emma nods and takes a deep breath, then asks her the question that's been burning in her mind since she had left the docks.

"What if I kiss him and he doesn't wake up?"

"You have to kiss him, Emma, and you have to love him, and if you love him, the curse will break", Mary Margaret says and Emma finds strength in her support and in the warmth of her fingers. "You need to believe in yourself the way Killian does, and the way I do, and focus on all the things he'd told you and how true they had sounded."

"He thinks you're my mother", Emma tells her and Mary Margaret smiles, tilting her head to the side and looking at her face intently.

"You do kind of have my chin", she says and Emma chuckles, nodding to herself and slipping her hands out of Mary Margaret's.

"I'll come get you as soon as the curse is broken", Emma tells her and locks the jail cell again, then pauses and turns back to look at Mary Margaret. "And if it's not, I'll come bust you out. You're not going to prison."

"I know", Mary Margaret says and gives her a reassuring smile before Emma walks out of the room and out of the station, her head held high and her steps sure as she starts walking toward the hospital.

"I'm going to wake you up, Killian", Emma says and lengthens her stride, already imagining Killian's grin when he opens his eyes and sees her standing next to his bed.

She doesn't let herself even think about the alternative.

* * *

**Review?**


	25. True Love's Kiss

**Finally, the happy ending. This chapter is just fluff, fluff and more fluff, but it's to be expected since it's the last, only the epilogue left for tomorrow. Thanks for sharing this story with me, and I hope you enjoy!**

* * *

Emma is about to walk into Killian's room when Whale and two nurses push past her and close the door in her face; it's only then that the insistent beeping coming from the inside of the room registers and she presses her face to the window, looking at Killian, watching them try to resuscitate him.

"Please no", she says and grips the window frame tightly, cursing herself for stopping to talk to Mary Margaret, for taking such a long time to muster up the courage to come here and kiss him.

Time means nothing, and she's gasping for breath by the time Whale gives up and shakes his head in Emma's direction before he pulls the tube out of Killian's throat and turns off the heart monitor.

"This can't be happening", Emma says and goes into the room, shrugging off Whale's comforting hand from her shoulder and leaning over Killian, her hands cupping his face, her tears falling on his cheeks like rain. "I love you."

She tells herself that he's just sleeping, and she closes her eyes before she presses her lips to his in a feather-light touch, focusing on all the love she feels for him and believing with all her heart that she is good enough to save him.

The burst of _something _that can only be magic is something she's not ready for, just like she's not ready for rainbow colors dancing behind her closed lids, but then Killian gasps and she opens her eyes, blinking back tears to clear her vision so she can make sure that she's not dreaming, that he's really awake, that he's really alive.

That she saved him.

Her kiss woke her love up and the happiness is almost overwhelming.

"Hey, beautiful", he says and she laughs and cries, sliding into bed next to him and just looking at him as he wraps his arms around her and gives her butterfly kisses, his hand rubbing up and down her back. "I'm sorry for putting you through this."

"Don't ever do anything like that again", she says softly, but she's so glad he's okay that she can't really be angry at him.

She just wants to hold him and never let him go.

"I won't, love. But you were bloody brilliant", he tells her and brushes his lips against her forehead, holding her tighter, and at that moment nothing matters, the rest of Storybrooke forgotten because he's here, he's alive and he's holding her, and she won't be alone ever again.

* * *

By the time Emma and Killian leave the hospital the entire town has woken up, people hugging on every street corner and celebrating their reunions.

"Somebody should inform Madam Mayor that her curse is no longer in effect", Killian says dryly when they pass by Regina's office but Emma is too focused on her destination to care.

"Mary Margaret!" She calls as she enters the station and hesitates in the doorway when she sees David sitting on the cot next to her, their fingers entwined together on her knee.

"Emma", her mother whispers and only then stands up and comes out of her cell, her arms wrapping around Emma while David embraces them both and presses a kiss to the top of Emma's hair.

"You found us", he murmurs and Emma turns around to smile at Killian because she doubts she'd be able to do it without him, or, if she eventually did it, it would've taken her a long, long time.

"We always knew you would", Mary Margaret says and Emma is a little overwhelmed because just like all the abandoned children in her orphanage, she had always dreamed that her parents were a prince and a princess that had to give her up, but she's almost twenty-three and it's hard to accept it as reality. "And you. Come here."

Emma blinks away tears and nods at Killian, who had never looked so uncertain, but he finally moves and wraps his arms around her waist, shaking his head at David when he says that they owe him a debt.

"Don't worry about it, mate", Killian murmurs and Emma leans her head against his shoulder, feeling so wrapped up in love that she feels invincible.

"I'm not your mate, pirate", David says and Killian lifts his eyebrow at him because they are practically the same age.

"Shut up, Charming", Mary Margaret tells her husband gently and brushes Emma's hair behind her ear, and Emma thinks: _this is how it feels to have a mother_.

* * *

In the aftermath of Emma breaking the curse a lot happens in Storybrooke; Regina gets put under house arrest, Gold attempts to flee the town and they end up finding out that nobody who was under the curse can leave unless they want to risk losing their memories, and, last but not least, Killian gets his ship back.

It's actually a funny sight, all those tough as nails pirates falling all over themselves to apologize when Killian, Graham and Charming board the Jolly Roger followed by all the dwarves, Granny, Snow, and Emma.

"What do you have to say for yourself, Mr. Smee?" Killian asks a short man wearing a red cap and Emma recognizes him as the one who had told her he was the captain the day they sailed into Storybrooke.

"You were dying, sir. You weren't fit to-"

"Get off my ship! All of you!" Killian bellows and unsheaths Smee's sword. "The only reason I'm not running you through with my sword is because you've kept it in such good condition."

"It was a pleasure, Captain-"

"Beat it", Killian says and Emma chuckles, ignoring his raised eyebrow and watching the dwarves disembark the ship after Killian's ex-crew, grumbling because "they were promised a fight".

"See you later, Emma", Snow says and takes Charming's hand, tugging him off the ship despite his protests because he's "not leaving his daughter alone with the pirate".

"Your father is not very fond of me", Killian says and wraps his arms around Emma's waist, his forehead resting against hers.

"He's coming around", Emma tells him and they stay like that for a while, and she knows what he's thinking about even though his eyes are closed. "You okay?"

"I have my one true love in my arms", he says, his nose brushing hers before he opens his eyes and looks at her. "How could I be anything but okay?"

"We can come back some other day…"

"Lass, I'm fine. I promise", he says and she nods, giving him a quick peck on the cheek before she slips out of his embrace, and tugs on his hand. "I think it's time for you to show me your cabin, Captain."

"I need to say something first", he tells her and cups her face in his hand, his thumb caressing her skin, his eyes lighting up when he smiles that beautiful smile that always makes her heart flutter. "Welcome home, Emma."

Emma pulls him down for a kiss, smiling into it because she is always home when she's with him.

* * *

Every evening Killian and Emma take a walk around town, and it makes her chuckle because it's more fitting for an old married couple than a pirate and a lost princess, but she finds that she likes those quiet moments when the rest of the world is getting ready for bed; she's got Killian's hand in hers and she feels safe and so very happy.

"Tell me about Neverland again", she says, feeling strangely liberated now that she knows all the fairy-tales are real, when she finally believes in happy endings.

It makes her smile because Killian is the one who had made her believe, who didn't let her do everything alone despite what August had told him and what he had offered him in return; sometimes she wonders what another man in Killian's position would do, and she comes to the conclusion that most of them would just leave her in the dirt.

Killian just doesn't know how to quit when he loves somebody, and he loves Emma more than he had ever loved anybody else.

"It's a magical island, with white sandy beaches and thick woods and mermaids lurking in the water waiting to pull you under", he says and Emma swings his arm playfully, her thumb caressing the back of his hand.

"I think I would like to see it", she tells him and he stops walking and turns toward her, giving her an assessing look.

"I think you would like it", he says and closes the distance between them slowly, his hand releasing hers so he can cup her cheek as his other arm wraps around her waist.

Even though he could, he's not wearing his hook, replacing it instead with a fake hand that presses to the small of Emma's back until her hips are against his own.

"Let me show you Neverland", he says, his thumb brushing her cheek before he leans down and kisses her, hot and hard, his tongue slipping past her lips and tangling with hers before he gently sucks on it and draws it into his mouth. Emma hums contentedly, her fingers tangling in his hair as she follows the straight line of his teeth with her tongue, both of his arms closing around her and he lifts her off her feet and twirls her around.

"I like it. We should definitely go", Emma says when they finally separate, both smiling and trying to catch their breath.

"Then I shall take you", he tells her and presses a loving kiss upon her shoulder before he steers them toward the harbor where their home is waiting, gently rocking on the waves.

* * *

Sometimes Killian wakes her up because he's dreaming about the firey room and Emma sits next to him patiently, her fingers brushing through his hair; Snow swears that the nightmares are eventually going to pass, but it's hard seeing him like this because when he used to dream about Milah she could at least shake him and wake him up.

Eventually, his eyes snap open and he takes a deep calming breath, sits up against the headboard of their bed and draws her into his lap.

"You okay?" She asks him and tilts her head until he meets her eyes, his hand resting on her stomach, his thumb tracing circles on her skin.

"I'm fine, lass", he tells her the way he does every time he has a nightmare, his lips pressing a kiss against her lips that momentarily distracts them both.

"Someday the nightmares will end", she says and Killian smiles faintly, absentmindedly caressing her knee with his stump, his eyes finding hers before he speaks.

"I don't care about the nightmares."

"You don't?" Emma asks softly and he shakes his head and kisses her again.

"All I care about are you and the little lass", he says and she covers his fingers on her baby bump with hers.

"We're very happy", Emma tells him and as if to confirm that their baby kicks exactly under Killian's hand. "See?"

"You little beauty", Killian murmurs at her stomach and Emma wonders if Charming was like this when she was a baby, a chuckle escaping her because her father and Killian are more alike than they'd ever admit. "What's so funny, love?"

Emma just kisses him, then makes him lie down with his head resting against her shoulder, their fingers entwined on her belly.

"Tell us a story", Emma says and tangles her legs with Killian's, wondering what new tale of marvelous adventures he's going to spin tonight.

"Once upon a time there was a princess, but she didn't even know she was one", he starts and she smiles, closing her eyes and focusing on the sound of his voice and the way he caresses the back of her hand as he talks. "One day she stumbled upon a pirate on the verge of death, and for some strange reason she decided to save him."

"The reason was that they were true love", Emma says and Killian shushes her; their daughter kicks impatiently and Emma lets him tell their story the way he wants.

"The pirate was not very happy that the princess was saving him, but after spending just a week with her he found it very difficult to leave her. Still, she had wanted him gone, so he went, but he couldn't help sticking around in case she needed him, and she needed him."

"I think you should skip the next part", Emma says and Killian mumbles something unintelligible before his chest starts rising and falling evenly, his arm still wrapped around her waist. "You don't even know yet how lucky you are to have a daddy like yours, little baby; he is never going to leave you, no matter what people tell him, just like he never left mommy."

There aren't any more kicks and Emma arranges the covers over them both, then closes her eyes and quickly falls asleep too, lulled by the Jolly's rising and falling with the tide.

She's home and she's safe in Killian's arms on the ship of dreams that's going to take them wherever they want to go, but for now, they are both perfectly content where they are; in a tiny Maine town.

* * *

**Review?**


	26. Epilogue

**And here we go, the epilogue of yet another story. It's been a bumpy ride, but I hope you enjoyed it, and I'm happy you went on this journey with me. I don't know when I'm going to write another Captain Swan fic, but when I do, I hope to see you reading that one too. Thank you for all your kinds words, and enjoy the happy ending.**

* * *

Emma comes out of Killian's cabin and checks Alexandria's on her way to the stairs leading up on the deck, but her cot is empty; once upon a time it would've been a reason for Emma to panic, but Killian had proved to her that this is their happy ending too many times for her to still doubt it, and she knows that their daughter is safe with him.

"You have to teach me how to sail today, daddy!" Alexandria's voice rings from the quarterdeck and Emma smiles to herself, lengthening her steps and finding Killian standing next to the rail their daughter is sitting on, his arms wrapped around her and holding her against his chest.

The sleeves of Killian's shirt are rolled up to his elbows and it still makes her smile when she sees his left hand where it's supposed to be and remembers his fierce belief that she can magically reattach it back where it belongs.

And she did.

"Ahoy there, sailors", Emma says and they turn to look at her with the same pair of ocean blue eyes framed with thick, dark eyelashes; Alexandria is the spitting image of her father.

"Mommy! Daddy is gonna teach me how to sail", Alexandria tells her and wiggles in Killian's arms until he sets her down on the deck and she runs to Emma, her frog plushie cradled to her chest.

Emma picks her up and gives her a loud kiss that makes Alexandria giggle, then comes to stand next to Killian and kisses him to.

"No kissing", Alexandria says and squeezes the frog's head between their lips.

"Aren't you a bossy little lass", Killian says and she beams at him, wiggling out from Emma's arms and back into his.

"Sailing, daddy, come on let's go", she demands and Emma laughs.

"I don't know why you keep postponing it", Emma says and leans against the rail, her hand rubbing Killian's forearm because he looks a little crestfallen.

"Because I never want her to grow up", he says and gives her a crooked smile. "Forgive me, love, I'm being overly dramatic again."

"I know how you feel", she says and gently nudges him toward the helm. "But go on, it's time. I'll tie us off."

The Jolly Roger is a magical ship, and it moves smoothly under her captain's expert hand; Emma watches Killian stand behind the helm with their daughter cradled against his hip, letting Alexandria turn the wheel and only correcting their course when it's absolutely necessary.

"Now I'm a pirate like you, daddy!" Alexandria exclaims and Emma smiles, her eyes meeting Killian's as she waits for him to answer.

"Wouldn't you rather be a princess like mommy?" He asks Alexandria and winks at Emma, and their daughter gives him a look that quite loudly says "no, silly".

"Don't you know, daddy? Mommy is also a pirate", Alexandria says and Killian laughs, then presses a kiss against her dark locks.

"She really is", he says and Emma comes closer, wrapping her arm around his waist and giving him a quick kiss before Alexandria makes them come apart again.

"We are sailing now, so no kissing", Alexandria tells them sternly, her eyebrows coming together in a heavy scowl than looks so adorable on her tiny face.

"Later", Killian murmurs against Emma's ear and kisses her cheek before he focuses all his attention on their daughter.

* * *

It's been four years since Killian had killed that cop in Portland so Emma and Killian decide it's safe to go back to Pennsylvania, to that little town that bears their daughter's name where they had spent the winter and fallen completely in love with each other, where they had shared their first kiss that seemed like the last one at the time, but thankfully, it wasn't.

They were meant for each other right from the start.

Emma gets Alexandria out of her car seat while Killian gets the bag from the trunk, and Mrs. Walker opens the door even before they ring the doorbell; they've called to tell her they are coming and she was beyond thrilled.

"You're here!" Mrs. Walker exclaims and ushers then inside, telling them to settle into their old bedroom while she makes coffee.

"I told you she'd be ecstatic to see us", Killian tells her and tickles Alexandria, who reaches out her arms until Killian takes her.

"I want cookies", she announces and leans her head against Killian's shoulder, giving him her best puppy eyes.

"Let's see if Mrs. Walker made any, shall we, little love?" Killian says and winks at Emma, leaving her to unpack their things.

She takes her time, basking in the feeling of being here, remembering how happy she was even with the distance that Killian had tried to put between them because he was with her nevertheless.

And he's still with her now.

By the time she emerges from their room Alexandria has already found a way into Mrs. Walker's heart, and they are happily sitting next to each other playing with a doll in a beautiful white dress while Killian sips his coffee, his eyes finding Emma's as soon as she appears.

"Come with me", he tells her and gets up from the couch, offering her his hand.

"What about Alexandria?"

"I'll stay with Mrs. Walker", Alexandria says hastily and hugs the doll to her chest before she takes another cookie from the plate on the coffee table.

"You heard her", Killian chuckles and Emma takes his left hand, following him outside.

She still can't believe that her magic was powerful enough to give it back to him, and chuckles a little because Mrs. Walker had thought that it's just a really lifelike prosthetic.

"Where are we going?" She keeps asking him but he deflects her questions with a kiss until they reach their destination; it's the street where they had their first kiss.

"Killian, what-", she starts to say but he cuts her off, his lips pressing against hers, his hands cupping her face, his tongue tracing along her bottom lip until she opens her mouth and he can tangle it with hers.

"I loved you for a long time before I kissed you for the first time, but it was that kiss that made me realize that we're meant to be, that no matter how hard I try to fight my feelings and hold onto the past, you are my future, and we would be together in the end", he says and rests his forehead against hers, his warm breath fanning her lips when he draws a shaky breath.

Emma tightens her grip around his waist and feels her heart starting to hammer in her chest because she can tell where he's going with this.

"You are my happily ever after, love, and I hope I am yours", he says and reaches in his pocket, showing her a beautiful engagement ring made from white gold with a single green stone set into it. "Would you do me the honor of being my wife, Emma Swan?"

"Yes", she says, offering him her hand, and he slips the ring on her finger quickly, then kisses her again, gentler this time, just brushing her lips with his.

"I love you", he murmurs and Emma opens her eyes to meet the blue in his, unable to stop smiling, unable to come down from this high because even though it's nice to have a ring on her finger, all she ever needed was Killian's promise that he's not going anywhere, and he'd given her that one a long time ago.

"I love you", she tells him and lets him hold her, knowing that he's with her, and that he's going to stay with her no matter what.

Knowing that their fairy-tale has a happy ending.

* * *

That evening Emma lies in bed next to Killian, their fingers entwined between them even though he's already asleep; sharing a motel bed with a three-year-old that kicks in her sleep can drain even a pirate like Killian, and it makes her smile as she watches him now because he hadn't said a word of complaint.

It felt nice seeing the town again, take a walk down memory lane and get a ring at the end of it, but it also made her realize that the magic was not in the town itself; it was being here with Killian, it was spending the days with him at the station and spending the nights next to him in this very bed, falling a little bit more in love with him every passing second.

Their home is in Storybrooke now, where all their friends and her parents are, but she knows they would be home anywhere in the world just if they are together.

Emma sighs contentedly and scoots a little closer to him, her lips brushing against the back of his hand affectionately; it's enough to make him shift in his sleep, his arm drawing her closer still until they are nose to nose.

"You alright, lass?" He murmurs, his long eyelashes lifting slowly, his eyes so blue when they find hers.

"I'm fine, Killian. Go back to sleep", she whispers and gives him a chaste kiss, and when she pulls away he's breathing evenly again, a half-smile lingering on his lips.

She had waited for something her entire life without even realizing it, and now it's here; she had waited for Killian, she had waited for love, but she never imagined it would be as wonderful as this dream they are living.

Sometimes she thinks she's loved more than she deserves, but then she tells herself that the universe just wanted to make up for all those years she had spent in the orphanage and on her own once they kicked her out.

"I love you", she says under her breath and finally closes her eyes, letting herself drift off because she's safe here, and she's home.

She's with Killian.

* * *

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